Braces Song Parody Contest

making your favorite songs dentally ill

Song #1

The Next Two Years I'll Wear Braces
parody of Friends in Low Places (Garth Brooks)
by Mike (Thrice Braced; previously M.L.)

 

Blame it all on my bite
Teeth don't line up right
You probably noticed from there
I'm embarrassed to smile
Been this way for a while
So I sought me some good dental care
Now the ortho seemed wise
He laid out his supplies
Lots of metal my mouth would soon gain
He said 'Open wide, you'
Grabbed bands, brackets and glue
Tied the wires on, I was in pain

The next two years I'll wear braces
Straighten out my teeth, close the big spaces
They'll go away, then I'll look OK
Rubber bands feel thick as shoelaces
Take my headgear off when I go places
Oh, the next two years I'll wear braces

Chewing taffy was wrong
I was warned all along
But then, I ate it before
Got it unstuck all right
Though it took half the night
Knocked three brackets loose, maybe more
Now I always mean
To keep my braces clean
Just give me a toothbrush and then
My smile will shine bright
As the heavens at night
Hey, stop calling me 'tin grin'

The next two years I'll wear braces
Straighten out my teeth, close the big spaces
They'll go away, then I'll look OK
Rubber bands feel thick as shoelaces
Take my headgear off when I go places
Oh, the next two years I'll wear braces
Yeah, the next two years ... and it better not be three or four 
... I'll wear braces

(What follows is the mysterious missing third verse, to be sung only once the braces have been removed)

Well I spent quite awhile
With my silvery smile
Expander, bite plate, it was rough
Gave up corn on the cob
Some nights drooled like a slob
Then at last they took my braces off
Now my straight teeth looked cool
And I smiled like a fool
But the ortho took over from there
He pulled out a case
Said, 'My dear you now face
a lifetime of retainer wear'

Oh, the last few years I wore braces
Straightened out my teeth, closed the big spaces
They went away, now I look OK
Rubber bands felt thick as shoelaces
Took my headgear off and didn't always go places
Oh, the last few years I wore braces
Yeah, the last few years ... whose idea was this neon green glow-in-the-dark retainer
anyway? ... I wore braces

 

Click to read Song #2

 

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