Metal Mouth Message Board

My daughter is 16 and has been a nightmare when it comes to braces.

We went to the consultation and she refused to speak to anyone or smile. Same at the next appointment. We took her to get braces last week and she cried the entire day! She also screamed and bit the orthodontist on "accident! On the ride there she told me she's going to break her new braces, not take care of them and eat everything they say not too, and she threatened to remove them herself! She locked herself in her room after and is still in her room AFTER A WEEK. The only thing she ate was an entire box of soft cookies on the day she got them. She hasn't eaten since. I have only heard her leave her room to go to the bathroom or get some water from the sink. She hasn't showered and most likely brushed or flossed her teeth in a week. She will not talk to anyone.

I am infuriated with this girl. She doesn't care. We paid 6,000 dollars so she can have something to ruin when she gets mad. I refuse to let her go through life with her teeth like that though. They are AWFUL. If they were better I would just say "Screw it, you obviously don't want your teeth fixed." They're just too horrible to leave alone. I threatened to take away soccer if she doesn't take care of them and she threatened to quit. How am I going to get thorough this with her attitude? She is irresponsible, lazy and just doesn't care.

I should mention she has mild autism and ADHD. She is doing this on purpose though.

I am so sorry you are going through this. And also your daughter, she wouldn't be acting like this if this were enjoyable for her.

I wonder if she feels like she's having something done to her and not being included in her treatment plan? I refused to get braces when I was a teenager because they were talking about a treatment plan that would involved 3-4 years of fixed braces, extractions, elastics, headgear, and a habit thing, etc., that would interfere with my plans to leave the city when I finished high school, and when I asked if my teeth would look perfect after all of that, they said no. And I asked if they planned to do anything about the funky wide circular shape and color of my teeth, and they said, no, this was to get them in straight the way they were currently, and my parents said they weren't going to spend the money to get the color and shape of my teeth corrected, so basically they were talking about I would sound and look like a freak for 4 years, and get my braces off, and still feel bad about my smile.
Much as I don't love going through work at this point in my life, and wish it had been taken care of earlier, and that somebody else had paid for it, I don't wish I had THAT treatment. And honestly, if I had had the proposed treatment, I would have just had a different set of problems. My current orthodontist said, "Well, since you WANT your teeth made smaller, you won't need extractions or fixed braces, we're just going to file and move, file and move, with removable appliances, and then you'll finish with slight spaces and we'll put on veneers. Thank God you never had extractions or we'd have a real mess." I wish my parents had respected the fact that I would indeed be ending my treatment as an adult, and that they had taken me to an orthodontist who had at least been willing to have a conversation consulting with me (WITHOUT my mother in the room to jump in and interrupt me every 5 words) about my cosmetic concerns, my concerns about playing an instrument (I was an all-state clarinetist and was performing with professional adults), that sort of thing.
Anyway, I'm sure there are a lot of things different about your situation, but I know my parents were annoyed and they saw me attitude as being defiant about braces in general, but honestly I did want my teeth fixed, I just wanted to be respected as having a right to some input. I was either 16 or a month or two away from my 16th birthday when all this was going on.

Wow. Must be good to be Queen.

Maybe you should check your contract for an early out clause, enroll her in some community service program, cancel her driving privileges, and insist she repay the family for incurred expense.

Who buys the groceries? If she has locked herself in her room then I am guessing parents provided cookies. Quit buying/stocking junk food.

I could not afford to allow my daughter to rule my home like this... Most of the kids I talk to (family with 4 in orthodontics, teenboy at yogart store, girls in yoga studio..and more) are really excited, appreciative and wanted treatment.

[quote="yogapaws"]Wow. Must be good to be Queen.

Maybe you should check your contract for an early out clause, enroll her in some community service program, cancel her driving privileges, and insist she repay the family for incurred expense.

Who buys the groceries? If she has locked herself in her room then I am guessing parents provided cookies. Quit buying/stocking junk food.

I could not afford to allow my daughter to rule my home like this... Most of the kids I talk to (family with 4 in orthodontics, teenboy at yogart store, girls in yoga studio..and more) are really excited, appreciative and wanted treatment.[/quote]

She doesn't drive or have a car. She struggled so incredibly when she was little we started her in school late and now she is a year behind. She shows no interest in driving anyway.

Her diet consists of blueberries, turkey sandwiches, and cookies. I make her take vitamins, calcium supplements, and a nutrition shake daily.

I don't know how to punish her. She just has no almost no interests and never asks for anything, no computer, no phone, no ipod, doesn't go out with friends, and is not involved in any clubs. She's very shy and becomes flustered and hyper with new peopleso community service would be an overwhelming experience.

She only does soccer, and I'm hesitant to take that away as she need to get her energy out. She mainly reads. I'm curious as to what she is doing in her room for fun she left her kindle downstairs.

Hi Liliana,

You have my sympathy in having to manage a very difficult youngster. I have one too- at 18 a little older than yours- who has recently dropped out of college despite being academically very able. She has many other talents too, all of which are also being allowed to go to waste. She will not take advice from us or anyone else. We have eventually decided to leave her to do some growing up on her own and hope that she will start to see sense on her own in time. It is agonising to see your much loved child take obviously wrong decisions, but it is perhaps part of helping/letting them grow up.


One of the things that is clear from this board is that you are never too old to get braces . So this is something your daughter could do later in life if she is not ready for it now in her own mind.

I think you will eventually get the chance to have a calm conversation with your daughter about her braces. Why not let her take the responsibility? At the moment she may just be kicking off because braces are your decision, not hers. Ask her whether she would really be happy with crooked teeth for the rest of her life and tell her that you will take her to have the braces removed if that is really her choice. But stress that this is the only time you will pay, so she needs to think about it carefully ( perhaps for at least a week?). Remind her that she may struggle for years to find the money to pay for braces herself when she realises as an adult that she hates her teeth.

Be available to talk about it if she wants- and be free with hugs all the while.

Given that most of the cost of braces is the the orthodontist's time rather than the actual braces themselves, I would hope that your ortho would give you a good refund if the braces are taken off now, particularly if (s)he has the prospect of getting your daughter's business at some time in the future.

And don't stop the soccer- I couldn't agree more about the need for teenagers to let off steam! It may also be that your daughter's team mates will have positive input about braces, since several may have braces themselves.

Apologies if I have overstepped the mark with these thoughts; I just hope they might help.

Good luck!

Jem

[quote="jem"]Hi Liliana,

You have my sympathy in having to manage a very difficult youngster. I have one too- at 18 a little older than yours- who has recently dropped out of college despite being academically very able. She has many other talents too, all of which are also being allowed to go to waste. She will not take advice from us or anyone else. We have eventually decided to leave her to do some growing up on her own and hope that she will start to see sense on her own in time. It is agonising to see your much loved child take obviously wrong decisions, but it is perhaps part of helping/letting them grow up.


One of the things that is clear from this board is that you are never too old to get braces . So this is something your daughter could do later in life if she is not ready for it now in her own mind.

I think you will eventually get the chance to have a calm conversation with your daughter about her braces. Why not let her take the responsibility? At the moment she may just be kicking off because braces are your decision, not hers. Ask her whether she would really be happy with crooked teeth for the rest of her life and tell her that you will take her to have the braces removed if that is really her choice. But stress that this is the only time you will pay, so she needs to think about it carefully ( perhaps for at least a week?). Remind her that she may struggle for years to find the money to pay for braces herself when she realises as an adult that she hates her teeth.

Be available to talk about it if she wants- and be free with hugs all the while.

Given that most of the cost of braces is the the orthodontist's time rather than the actual braces themselves, I would hope that your ortho would give you a good refund if the braces are taken off now, particularly if (s)he has the prospect of getting your daughter's business at some time in the future.

And don't stop the soccer- I couldn't agree more about the need for teenagers to let off steam! It may also be that your daughter's team mates will have positive input about braces, since several may have braces themselves.

Apologies if I have overstepped the mark with these thoughts; I just hope they might help.

Good luck!

Jem[/quote]

I don't want to take them off her. It would just be her exercising control. I really want to get her teeth straight and her bite right. The estimate is 24 months with regular braces, bars in like rubber bands for six moths, possible extractions, and a retainer for years after. She told me before she got them she doesn't want perfect teeth and doesn't want to do it for two years. She can't get away with everything or think her disabilities are a ticket through life.

I tried speaking to her through the door and responded in Russian and refused to speak in English. She takes Russian at school.

Hi,

So sorry that you are having this trouble with your daughter, i work in the field of disabilities and hoping that i can offer you some coping strategies. Although theres no better expert on your family than you, there are however times when you are just at your witts end.

Im happy if you want to talk via P.M i will send you a P.M, see the thing is majority of teens are resigned to the fact they have braces when you get one that doesnt want braces they can usually be talked around, when you throw in a disability of some sort it changes the ball game.

[quote="Huggypillow"]Hi,

So sorry that you are having this trouble with your daughter, i work in the field of disabilities and hoping that i can offer you some coping strategies. Although theres no better expert on your family than you, there are however times when you are just at your witts end.

Im happy if you want to talk via P.M i will send you a P.M, see the thing is majority of teens are resigned to the fact they have braces when you get one that doesnt want braces they can usually be talked around, when you throw in a disability of some sort it changes the ball game.[/quote]

I don't have the ability to read or send private messages. She came out of her room today. She drank a nutrition shake. She covered her mouth with her hand every time she talked. She seemed very strung out and over-stimmulated. She has a habit of literally chewing her hands and was doing that the entire time she was downstairs. She would not speak to us in English. We made some progress with social skills recently, but she's been regressing since then. She acts so much better in public than at home!

[quote="Huggypillow"]Hi,

So sorry that you are having this trouble with your daughter, i work in the field of disabilities and hoping that i can offer you some coping strategies. Although theres no better expert on your family than you, there are however times when you are just at your witts end.

Im happy if you want to talk via P.M i will send you a P.M, see the thing is majority of teens are resigned to the fact they have braces when you get one that doesnt want braces they can usually be talked around, when you throw in a disability of some sort it changes the ball game.[/quote]

I don't have the ability to read or send private messages. She came out of her room today. She drank a nutrition shake. She covered her mouth with her hand every time she talked. She seemed very strung out and over-stimmulated. She has a habit of literally chewing her hands and was doing that the entire time she was downstairs. She would not speak to us in English. We made some progress with social skills recently, but she's been regressing since then. She acts so much better in public than at home!

Although you obviously want the very best for your child, I can't help but feel that she may be acting out because you've forced her to do something that she doesn't agree to. The feeling of being in control is important to everyone, especially people that struggle with disabilities. Of course your child shouldn't be in control of your household, but I'd really only ever force a child of mine to do anything if it was for the good of her health or well being. Are her teeth problems health related or do you just find them displeasing to look at? I'd certainly not speak to my mother for a while if she called my teeth 'horrible', even as an adult.

You can never properly comment on a situation that you've not seen or been in in person, but I did care for a young man with autism for a while. Taking control of unimportant things off of him was the worse thing you could do for his social development.

I don't want to take them off her. It would just be her exercising control. I really want to get her teeth straight and her bite right. The estimate is 24 months with regular braces, bars in like rubber bands for six moths, possible extractions, and a retainer for years after. She told me before she got them she doesn't want perfect teeth and doesn't want to do it for two years. She can't get away with everything or think her disabilities are a ticket through life.

I tried speaking to her through the door and responded in Russian and refused to speak in English. She takes Russian at school.[/quote]

Just be aware that she will be 18 when she completes treatment, she will most likely not wear her retainer, and her teeth will relapse as a result.

[quote="sweetcynic"]I don't want to take them off her. It would just be her exercising control. I really want to get her teeth straight and her bite right. The estimate is 24 months with regular braces, bars in like rubber bands for six moths, possible extractions, and a retainer for years after. She told me before she got them she doesn't want perfect teeth and doesn't want to do it for two years. She can't get away with everything or think her disabilities are a ticket through life.

I tried speaking to her through the door and responded in Russian and refused to speak in English. She takes Russian at school.[/quote]

Just be aware that she will be 18 when she completes treatment, she will most likely not wear her retainer, and her teeth will relapse as a result.[/quote]

Oh and to add, her treatment will take more than 24 months as she will most likely not wear the rubber bands as prescribed.

Okay, I realize I am almost 8 years too late to the party, but I’m going to respond as if it were still 2012. I was doing some online research into whether or not I should consider getting braces (I’m 38 now) and I came across this post.

Liliana wrote:
> I don't want to take them off her. It would just be her exercising
> control. I really want to get her teeth straight and her bite right.

Listen to yourself. Your daughter is challenging you to a power struggle, and you are taking the bait. She is dragging you down to her level and she is going to beat you on her terf. She will wear you down with her youthful stubbornness.

Honestly, it is sheer hubris to assume you are going to win here. I also am on the autism spectrum with sensory processing disorder, so I have a pretty good idea of what it must be like for her. I know I would have reacted as badly as your daughter is if I were forced to get braces. Not for the sake of being defiant, but because I could never have tolerated the braces or the pain. I am not saying I would have been proud of it; just that I know myself. It’s also quite ablest to assume she is just using her disability as an excuse.

By forcing her to get braces, you are basically telling her that her teeth are not good enough for you. No, take that back... SHE is not good enough for you. And the fact you are willingly participating in this power struggle will tell her you are more interested in controlling her than respecting her personal autonomy.

By what I have read already (in this post and about orthodontics in general), she is already on her way to having the orthodontist cancel her treatment because:

1) She’s not brushing and flossing, and any self-respecting orthodontist will tell you that it’s better to have crooked teeth than to let her teeth go to hell because of poor hygiene with the braces on. Believe me... the tooth decay will be worse.

2) If she’s threatening to take the braces off herself, don’t assume she is bluffing. And don’t assume she’s not making the threats to the orthodontist too. And again, any self-respecting orthodontist would rather take the braces than let her do it herself. And if she does succeed in sabotaging her braces, the orthodontist is not going to want to waste much effort on her. Maybe not after the first attempt, but the orthodontist will get tired of this really quickly.

3) She becomes abusive to the staff. I would expect this to happen based on the behavioral regressions you cite.

And well, maybe not a reason itself, but...

4) By the time she completes her braces phase (assuming it ever takes it that far), she is going to be considered a legal adult. In fact, she could very well tell the orthodontist to take the braces out on her 18th birthday, and there is no legal recourse for you. After that, she can very well chuck the retainer in the garbage bin, and not only will it be because she doesn’t care if her teeth are crooked, but she will do it out of spite.

Basically, she’s a non-compliant patient right out of the gate. Do you think the orthodontist will put up with this for two years?

Perhaps this is just a worst-case scenario, but you better decide what is more important to you: Your relationship with your daughter, or your own personal judgement of her teeth.

Khan wrote:
> 3) She becomes abusive to the staff. I would expect this to happen based on the
> behavioral regressions you cite.

Oh, that’s right. She already bit the orthodontist. I’m pretty sure that counts as being abusive, and if she does it again, I’d be surprised if the orthodontist didn’t cancel treatment right then and there.

Well, most of the teenagers don't like braces. However, she will get used to live with it, don't worry.