Do You ever?

[platinum]

This happened to me at work.
My female colalgue saw me strecthing on my chair. She saw stomach and informed that I should go for a diet

I just started to laugh . It was so hilarious

[Gennel]

I would stay out of it. None of my friends and family told me how bad my teeth were because I knew how bad they were. It's not that I did'nt want to do anything about it , I was just terrified. My teeth weren't yellow and I brushed at least 2 times a day. I'ts like seeing someone that is very overweight and wanting to tell them how to fix this. I'm sure this guy knows how yellow his teeth are ,how bad his skin is. Either he doesn't care or can't afford to get help for this.
Now that I'm in braces I notice people's teeth a lot. I see lots of people with badly decayed teeth,missing teeth,yellow teeth. I don't say a word.
Some folks dont have the $$ or dental insurance.

Gennel

[ngbraces]

Long ago, during a lunch at work, one of my colleagues told me she found more age spots on my face and neck , then she proceeded with a card of her dermatologist's name and address even though I didn't ask. Since then she has left the job. Later, I lost the card. I asked a third person presented during the talk if she remembered the doctor's info. She asked me if I was hurt being told so. Hurt? Not at all! But I doubt that I would dare to do the same to somebody else ...

[JumpTheDitch]

I wouldn't leave a card or send an anonymous email; like many people have posted, I think it would be rude, and I would be very upset if someone did that to me.

Having said that, how do you know this person isn't already aware of their issue, and too embarrassed to do anything about it? Getting braces is different for everyone, for some people it's a very big step that can be hard to take, for many reasons.

As for the cavity, Platinum, how do you know that that is what the dark spot is? A friend of mine had a nasty, large dark spot on her top front tooth all her life (it was more like half the tooth that a spot on it). It was related to a calcium deficiency from when she was forming inside the womb. Apparently her twin brother got most of the calcium leaving her deficient. She couldn't get it fixed until she's stopped growing, and had some other dental work done. I don't think all of this would have been apparent to anyone looking at her, who might have just thought it was a cavity needing attention...

Btw, Meryaten, "testicular fortitude"? lol. Nice, I like that one

[iBorg]

I wouldn't do it. But I've been tempted!

When I started this thread I was curious as to the response. You have had some great comments.

While I wouldn't bring up the subject, on the other hand, if someone asked about my experience I wouldn't mind talking about it.

Mike

[JumpTheDitch]

I wondered about that too, Mike. Maybe if someone is privately wondering about or considering having some work done in a particualr area (like orthodontia), would they be more likely to (or feel more comfortable) initiate the topic in conversation with someone who clearly has some experience in the area (ie: someone already wearing braces).

But then, unless I knew the person fairly well, I probably wouldn't bring it up, as I wouldn't want to embarrass them.
Weirdly, I wouldn't mind if anyone asked me about my experiences though

[chevyhuny]

I don't care at all if other people have crooked, decaying, yellow teeth.
It's not my mouth, not my teeth and not my body. So what right have I to tell another person what they should do with them self? Especially over something like teeth. Their teeth is their own, it would be extremely wrong to tell them what they should do, especially in an e-mail.

I have never cared about another person's personal issues. If that is how they want to look and feel thats all up to them. I take them as they are. And I certainly never treat someone differently because they have crooked teeth.

Now about the BO issue, that I understand. There was a woman with extremely bad BO at my job a few years ago and it was disturbing. You couldn't eat around this person and you had to hold your breath if you were to stand next to them. Thats a good time to say something, which another co worker did. In a very gentle and private way. She was kind and considerate as well as did it FACE TO FACE. Thats good.

[manglemouth]

I don't care at all if other people have crooked, decaying, yellow teeth.
It's not my mouth, not my teeth and not my body. So what right have I to tell another person what they should do with them self? Especially over something like teeth. Their teeth is their own, it would be extremely wrong to tell them what they should do, especially in an e-mail.

I have never cared about another person's personal issues. If that is how they want to look and feel thats all up to them. I take them as they are. And I certainly never treat someone differently because they have crooked teeth.

Now about the BO issue, that I understand. There was a woman with extremely bad BO at my job a few years ago and it was disturbing. You couldn't eat around this person and you had to hold your breath if you were to stand next to them. Thats a good time to say something, which another co worker did. In a very gentle and private way. She was kind and considerate as well as did it FACE TO FACE. Thats good.

I actually think that's the most hurtful out of all! I would want to cry if anyone ever pointed out to me that I have a body odor problem. Just like some people said that a cavity is not necessarily a cavity or that people with crooked teeth know very well that they have crooked teeth, what are the chances of this person being unaware of her BO? What if she tried every deodorant on the market and nothing will work for her. And then someone at her job pulled her aside and told her, even though in private and in a very kind way, that she smells.

[NotBob1]

I had a person come in today to apply for a job. His breath was so awful that I HAD to step back. I will likely still interview him, but if the breath issue is still there, I will have to say something about it if I decide to hire him. The other choice is: I don't give him a second thought and he has no chance at the job.

Meryaten had to do what she did in her capacity as a manager. If she did not, others would see her as a poor manager. She would end up shooting herself in the foot as far as the ladder goes and be disliked by the others who expect her to keep the office under control. Being boss is NEVER fun.

[Julie08]

I would consider it very rude for someone to offer me unsolicited advice on improving my appearance. I know what I look like, so if there isn't something that looks good I either 1) can't fix it yet for one reason or another; 2) don't want to fix it for one reason or another, 3) don't agree that it looks all that bad - sometimes, appearance is subjective.

Plus, you never know what another person is going through. A guy with bad-looking teeth may be battling other, bigger problems in his life (a sick child, substance abuse, mental illness - a million different possibilities). Other things in his life may make the appearance of his teeth seem minor and worrying about it would be a luxury for him. You never know - and it's always better, IMHO, to err on the side of discretion and minding your own business. He is an adult and can see what he looks like and it would be condescending to offer him advice he didn't ask for. Why hurt him unnecessarily? - he isn't hurting anyone with his ugly teeth. A person has the choice not to look at his mouth if it is that bad.

[manglemouth]

What do you suggest MM? That as manager, I continue to allow the person to come in smelling so offensive that people 6 stations away were complaining? Is it better quietly coming from the manager, in a non-confrontational, non-judgemental and polite manner, or in some snarky or otherwise mean way from one of the coworkers who could no longer take the stench? And yes, it was that bad.

Meryaten, I wasn't referring to you telling your employee about a BO problem. I was referring to the post where a co-worker did it. I understand that as a manager, you have to do what you have to do and I know you didn't want to be in that situation.

All I really meant to point out is that BO, just like all other problems, is something a person is most likely well aware of because, well how could they not be? If you have to say something as a manager because your other employees can't work in an environment like that, then that is a business decision and part of your job. But unless I absolutely had to say something (because I am their boss) I would never bring it up. I had a co-worker who had unimaginably bad breath. It was so bad that when I was pregnant and sensitive to smells, I was close to throwing up everytime she talked to me. But who was I to tell her this? Even if I would have pulled her aside and told her as nicely as possible, how would that have done anything but embarass her. She was otherwise very clean so it was clear to me that this was a problem she could not fix. So while I was pregnant and had a hard time dealing with the smell, I had my little desk fan on all day long and said I was hot. Before and after the pregnancy I simply tried my best to ignore it.

[Lisa65]

I'm not sure I subscribe to people always being aware of their BO. Some people have no sense of smell for a start.
Others have never been brought up to keep themselves clean. Maybe they lived in squalid conditions as a child, or maybe they have mild learning difficulties which mean that things like personal hygiene are not thing they consider automatically. Either way, if you constantly live with smells you get used to them. I used to work with a girl who had slight learning problems, and although she was the nicest girl you could imagine, she stank. Her teeth were full of plaque (you could see it white between her teeth) and her clothes smelt of stale sweat where she hadn't thought to change them. In the end our manager had to have a quiet word with her and ask her to shower and change her clothes more regularly, which she did, and her hygiene improved. She just needed some discreet guidance before it happened that she was publically embarrassed or humiliated by having a co-worker rudely tell her that she smelt rank.

But things like crooked teeth are not an inconvenience or distress to others in the same way that something like BO is. My husband has psoriasis of the scalp, and before I discovered a shampoo that would help (ketoconazole) had lived all his life with bad dandruff. And to have someone come up to you and say "You've got dandruff!" gets kind of annoying after a while, especially as he previously hadn't been able to find anything that would really help.

If I were in a managerial position then it might happen that I had to speak to somebody about something like BO or halitosis, if enough other staff had complained, because those conditions can affect others. But suggesting to somebody that they fix their crooked teeth or go on a diet is just plain rude. If somebody has crooked teeth or is overweight, it's their business, and their choice as to whether they address the problem or not. They might not even see it as a problem.

[chevyhuny]

I actually think that's the most hurtful out of all! I would want to cry if anyone ever pointed out to me that I have a body odor problem. Just like some people said that a cavity is not necessarily a cavity or that people with crooked teeth know very well that they have crooked teeth, what are the chances of this person being unaware of her BO? What if she tried every deodorant on the market and nothing will work for her. And then someone at her job pulled her aside and told her, even though in private and in a very kind way, that she smells.

Let me explain... this wasnt just a little body order problem. This women smelled so bad that you would GAG when going anywhere near her. And considering the fact that we worked with CHILDREN that wouldn't even go near her, and that other workers couldn't even breath when next to her it HAD to be done.

The "co-worker" who told her happened to be a good friend and like a grandmother to us all. And even if she wasn't it doesnt matter, it had to be done.

I think its a lot kinder to let someone know as gently as possible in a situation like that then allow it to continue and watch her lose her job becuase children nor employee can tolerate working near her.

She appreciated being told and did what she could to fix the problem (shower, deodorant). The kids loved her after that and she was a lot happier at work.

[skyclad]

1. one day my mom and i were in the dmv getting my car registered to her for insurance purposes. She said quite loudly "You need to brush your teeth, it looks like you smoke."
Gee thanks mom. I don't smoke by the way. I recently (Friday) got my teeth cleaned and they are mostly white now yay). I was really embarassed.

2. I have a thing for pretty white smiles. I think they are very important but I would never say anything to anyone. I would just think to myself, "wow, that person needs braces." and go on with my life. I am trying to convince my boyfriend to get braces and am almost there. I actually told him about some husband and wife that I read about on here getting braced together. He is probably going to get them but not because I said so.

3. I have a problem I have been battling with and it does suck to have people mention it like you've done nothing about it. I have been to the doctor several times regarding this issue and they don't see a problem. I have been to a few doctors and none of them think I have this problem but people keep telling me about it. I just want to smack them in the head. So I understand how some people might feel if something was mentioned to them regarding their smile or whatever. It should be said that it is not a problem that affects most others as in my co-workers have no cause to complain.

[Lillers]

I have a very dear friend who is obese to a health-threatening degree. Neither of us are exactly spring chickens and I worry that the excess weight (at least 80 pounds) will put a strain on her heart. The thought of losing her to a heart attack or stroke is devastating.

Having said all that, I would still not presume to advise her about diet or excercise, unless of course she asked for such advice. My reasoning is this:

(a) My friend is far from stupid; no doubt she's all too aware of her condition.

(b) She has a stressful career. Who wants to cook or work out after coming home exhausted every day?

(c) I'm sure that all the years of physical inactivity have slowed her metabolism down to nothing. I probably eat about twice as much as she does.

(d) Again I say, my friend is far from stupid. She knows major lifestyle changes will have to be undertaken for the betterment of her health.

I only hope she undertakes those changes soon.