braces and your social life?

[danish]

Hi there.

Personally I seem to share the experience of dubnobass and bracednconfused regarding life in braces. Prior to treatment I would think that being braced would only affect me to the extent that I allowed it to. However, I must admit that reality has turned out to be a bit different.

Though I used to have pretty crooked teeth before being braced and be extremely selfconscious about this I had somehow found a coping strategy where this fact didn't affect my social life considerably. I would date, go out and talk to strangers and still be surprisingly self-confident about it. Apart from certain things that I would never do like smiling (showing teeth) on pictures, I guess that one would never think of me as having an issue with my teeth.

Life with braces is different and has changed my social life for the worse. Now I have crooked teeth, gaps from extraction and braces! It's like the teeth issue has been inflated 10 times and there is absolutely no way that I can ignore this fact. I'm sure that my braces are noticeable as I have the metal ones.

I have to admit that I have decided to stop dating while being treated as I simply feel too self-conscious about it. I do go out but not as frequent as before. I guess that I have also relaxed a bit regarding my apperance. No need to spend hours on grooming when you feel flawed anyway.... The most striking change in life with braces is that now I never start a conversation with a stranger unless absolutely necessary. I'm sure that some people wonder whether I'm an asexual person due to my apparant lack of interest in flirting etc. Hehe

I want to add that I at no time have regretted undergoing this process. It was and still is necessary. Life in braces is not a walk in the park but it's endurable because treatment time is limited. Looking at it from the bright side I would say that being in braces have allowed me to step back a little and evaluate where I'm going in my life and assessing the strategies to get where I want to go. This is positive

Personally I do not understand how braces can make a person more self-confident and make the person smile more etc. There seems to be cultural explanation behind this and I wonder if it has to do with the affluence aspect. Nevertheless I find this reaction fascinating and admittedly I envy the people who feel like this...

I do not want to scare any potential brace-bearers with what I have said above. But I think that it's important to hear different experiences from people undergoing orthodontic treatment. I think most orthodontic patients if not all start their journey with the idea that "wearing braces is not going to affect my self-esteem negatively. I will not allow it to!". If one firmly believes this, it will be real for that person. However, some people discover that what they want to feel as a person wearing braces and what the really feel is not in agreement. And I'm one of those persons.

Danish

[ArchAngle]

Now I have crooked teeth, gaps from extraction and braces! It's like the teeth issue has been inflated 10 times and there is absolutely no way that I can ignore this fact

That's very interesting, and maybe the key.

A lot if not most start off with really terrible looking teeth, really scary. Once the braces go on, a few months go by they are on the road to looking "normal" (certainly better than what they looked like in the beginning), which gives this confidence. On the other hand, you also have a lot people who start out with reasonable looking teeth and like you say step back (with extractions, gaps here and there), before it gets better and thus is a major cause for concern. There is no shortage of people who's smiles you wonder why it is they even have braces, others yikes.

There is definitely a certain cross-roads each gets to where the mindset settles down, kind of like a bad hair cut. You hide or not go out until it grows in.

Braces in both cases above, might be like carrying a big sign around your neck "hey look at me I have bad teeth" even if obvious and even if not.

[suetemi]

I'm sure that some people wonder whether I'm an asexual person due to my apparant lack of interest in flirting etc. Hehe

Nothing wrong with that. You should make it add to your mystique -- it works for Morrissey.

Actually I feel similarly about this -- I've pretty much resigned myself to not dating until after I get my surgery and my bite is fixed. While I'm not self conscious about the braces at all, I'm very self-conscious about my bite. It's funny because I never had a problem with it before I was "diagnosed" but now that I'm aware of it, I can't get over how terrible it must look and hate seeing it in the mirror. It doesn't matter if someone finds me attractive..if I am not comfortable with myself I will definitely not be comfortable dating or in a relationship.

Sue

[*melissa*]

I think what is making me anti-social is working 8-9 hours in front of a computer. I can say: Braces didn't make me anti-social but Computers did

Haha same here!!!

[*melissa*]

Now I have crooked teeth, gaps from extraction and braces!

Crooked? Your teeth are STRAIGHT...and the gaps are sort of in the back...plus, your teeth are really white...try to not feel so down about your teeth, Danish! Some people have it 1,000 times worse...

[Pixel Witch]

I wonder if it has to do with the affluence aspect.

I'm not sure what you mean by that.

[suetemi]

For me, braces are not symbolic of any financial status. If they were, it would be a wild misrepresentation as I'm pretty broke all the time as a student. They make me more confident because I think they make me look kawaii Maybe it's a girl thing, I dunno.

[bracednconfused]

I've found myself looking up this thread most frequently since I discovered it.
Like danish, I do have some envy for the people who say braces have upped their confidence, however I agree that while teeth are still crooked in the begining, it makes the experience very hard at times for now.

In regards to dating, I am lucky enough to already have had a boyfriend who was very supportive and understanding to my situation. I imagine that if I wasn't already dating I would have surely put dating on hold until treatment was over like danish has.

I will say I miss going out to nice dinners an awful lot. I've cut back on this a ton, mostly due to the fact that I have to chew with my mouth open and the immediate cleaning afterwards. My first month, I was able to get around the open mouthed chew the first few weeks(despite a coil spring on my front left side) but since bonding (they call it jumpers) was placed on the back of my two front teeth to allow an incisor to come forward, it's impossible for me to chew with my mouth closed at all. This is very difficult and I've reserved to eating home about 99% of the time.

I'm happy for the people whose braces didn't affected their self-confidence, but its also really nice to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way.
Remember guys, just keep in mind that once the braces are off, you won't have to worry about any of this stuff for the rest of your life!

- I can not wait -


Edit: BTW, danish, your teeth have had some amazing movement and are looking very very good. You are way passed the stage of crooked teeth and braces! Kudos.

[Nancy51]

I'm still recovering from the unpleasant process of dumping a psychotic--I suspect his two ex-wives would concur with this description--ex-boyfriend, so that my dating life is refreshingly on hold.

Still, from the curiously elevated friendliness of strangers, I get the feeling that being braced could easily overcrowd my social life. However, from what I've learned about fetishists on this board, I could regret it.

Warning: Editorial follows!
We middle-agers may forget how challenging socialising is for the kids. We enjoy the tolerance of peers that have learned how to react appropriately to something new or different. And the kids seem to behave better toward us than they do toward each other. (I have sadly seen quite a lot of this while pursuing another undergraduate degree.)

I was about Bracednconfused's age when I stopped worring about "what people would think" because I discovered that people do not think. They yack, but so what?

I hope that the young people can be brave enough to be happy whether other people think they should be or not. If only they could keep the silly notions of others from attaching to them like barnacles. They can be a lot of bother scraping off. More fun to be out partying.

[Pixel Witch]

Braces, to me, were neither a positive nor a negative socially - they just were. If I needed to excuse myself after a business or social lunch/dinner to nip off and get the last vestiges of the meal out of my grill, I did so, stating blandly that with braces I needed to go and clean up. Beyond that, the mere existence of brackets on my teeth was neither here nor there - no more a thing to celebrate or for which to be apologetic than my glasses.

I think this is the best descriptor of how I feel about braces.

[SnowSara]

Thank you Nancy that was well put. I would have to say that I had the same experience and that around the age of 25-27 I turned a corner in confidence and it grows stronger with each passing year. I would not go back to being younger for anything! Feeling better about myself and garnering respect along with wisdom is so much better than youth! I'm only 29 and feel like the best is yet to come, I just have to be patient for it!

Now if only you could get a 20 year old to understand any of that... I would only go back and do it again if I could keep all my wisdom and not give a sh** about what others thought/said. "if i knew then what i know now..." ain't it the truth!

[Faerydust]

I'm 25 so maybe I'm around an age where people tend to start caring less what their peers think. As for why I feel more confident and smile more, there are a number of factors, but affluence isn't one of them. I'm a college student and unemployed, but I'm using some of my student loan money to pay for my orthodontic and dental work. I know I'll have to pay it back with interest eventually, but it was worth it to me to do this sooner rather than later.

Here are some of the reasons I think I'm so comfortable with my braces. I have ceramic braces which are less obvious. People that I see pretty often didn't even notice my braces right way and were surprised when they found out I had them. I get lots of "you can barely see them unless your close" comments. When I'm out in public I'm not thinking about my braces so in my mind other people aren't thinking much about them either beyond the observation that I have them. I also have to smile a little bigger, like someone else said, so my lips clear the brackets which are rather bulky.

I have a boyfriend so I'm not worried about impressing the opposite sex. Yet, oddly enough, several guys that I have met recently have been super flirtatious with me. All of them said I don't look like I need braces, but I look cute with them. Even my guy friends think they are cute.

I've wanted to have my teeth fixed for awhile, but didn't have the means so I'm really happy that I'm finally doing it. I know it sounds strange, but I smile more because I'm genuinely excited about the end result. I'm not even 2 months into my treatment and I have extraction gaps that show slightly when I open my mouth, but I truly don't care. I keep thinking about how nice my teeth will look in the end and how happy I'll be.

I've inspired many of my friends to consider braces. If I had a negative attitude towards braces they probably wouldn't consider it.

[jackie100]

Well, I'm 30 now so I'm not a kid but I have to admit I am very hung up on physical appearance in general and care A LOT about my looks so braces to me do affect the way I feel about myself, I don't feel as confident talking to people, I feel more prone to avoiding talking to people but to be honest I also avoid talking to people when my makeup isn't flawless or I have a bad hair day so it's not just the braces, I just tend to always avoid people when I'm not looking my best in general.
That's just how I am.

I have noticed that braces don't really affect the way MOST guys react to me, I think if it anything it makes me feel like I got a lot of "game" because if I can attract all these guys while I'm looking unattractive because of my braces (they are ceramic but still...) then it means that I must be "pretty good" because I can attract attention even tho I'm not at my "best".

At first I was convinced that braces would completely affect the way that guys looked at me, I thought they would find me less attractive but it's not really true.

It still does affect my social life though. I don't think I could go on a restaurant date because I would be PHOBIC about getting sometthing caught in my braces such as food. I would be mortified and DIE. I am not one of those people with a "good personality" who could just laugh it off and think it's something funny, I would be mortified and never see the person again.

I can see the braces making a difference now and everything is straightening up a lot but I know I will not be at my BEST until the braces come off and my teeth have been laser bleached pearly white as in the "hollywood smile". Then I will feel at my best.

[catfish]

This has been the most interesting topic. It's been great to hear so many perspectives on the impact braces have on us. I've been in the "it doesn't really bother me" category, and I've found it to be very helpful to hear other points of view. I appreciate hearing about other reactions, because it makes me stop and think about how it might feel to be in someone else's shoes. I think it's important to try to see other points of view because so much can be learned. It's easy for me not to care too much, for one thing because I'm married. My husband had a role in my decision, and he is sharing this journey with me. If I were younger and dating, would I react the same way? Maybe not.

We'll see if my reaction changes when I have my lower incisor removed. That's going to be a much more visible change. I'll let you know!

[kudos213]

I wonder if it has to do with the affluence aspect.

I'm not sure what you mean by that.

Presumably the notion that, in most countries, you need a certain level of affluence (more in some countries than in others) to be able to afford braces, so flashing your brackets is like strutting ostentatiously to your expensive car

Whenever I see a thread like this, I am saddened that so many people let braces cramp their style, and amazed that others are able to derive extra confidence from them. Braces, to me, were neither a positive nor a negative socially - they just were. If I needed to excuse myself after a business or social lunch/dinner to nip off and get the last vestiges of the meal out of my grill, I did so, stating blandly that with braces I needed to go and clean up. Beyond that, the mere existence of brackets on my teeth was neither here nor there - no more a thing to celebrate or for which to be apologetic than my glasses.

I was quite pleased with the honest responses in this thread until this comment. Somehow, Meryaten lives on an island of tranquility where braces merely 'are.' If braces make you feel good, great, good for you. If they have "cramped your style" well it's good to get feedback from others. But what I don't care for is the patronizing attitude that people are not entitled to feel the way they do. If you believe your smile shouldn't affect how you feel then you didn't need braces in the first place. While you may claim some medical necessity i'm sure you could of done something more cost effective that would of alleviated the problem rather than braces.