Ugh- why can't I go through with this?

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#1 Post by **itsabouttime22** » Mon Mar 29, 2010 4:29 pm

So its been a month since my consult and I still have not made the apt. to actually go through with the braces (although I have been doing research on orthos b/c I would like to get a second opinion).

The problem is- as much as I am so tired of my crooked teeth and hiding them- I am so scared that I have to give up on dating for 2 years because of them. I am 28- haven't had a serious relationship in years, and the thought of having to wait another 2 more kills me. It would be so much easier to go through with this if I was already in a relationship. I mean- its hard enough trying to meet someone- I've done the online thing and after some really bad dates decided to take a break- but I can't imagine even joining one of those sights with braces.

I've read a lot of posts on hear and it either seems like everyone was already in a relationship when they got braces or they are still single since getting them- so it doesn't give me much hope that I will find someone until they are off.

Another thing- how did you tell your friends that you were getting braces? I know deep down they could care less- its not like they are going to stop being friends with me- but everytime I think I am going to tell someone something stops me!

Sorry for going on like this- I am just so confused about what to do!

#2 Post by **mandyc** » Mon Mar 29, 2010 5:10 pm

Hi,

I can completely understand where you are coming from, I put mine off for years and only jumped to it when my dentist told me it would start effecting the health of my teeth if I didn't get them straightend out.

I don't think you'll have to give up dating, I personally am in a relationship but another friend of mine was single when she had hers done and it didn't effect her dating at all because she was confident and loved her braces experience.

If you can go out and show the world you have them and not be embarrassed by them then you'll find others won't care about them either. Have a think about how you would feel if you met someone who was just awesome but they had braces, would you judge them for that? I don't you would and if you met the right person they won't either!

As far as friends go, for me they were most supportive, I got ribbed about being a brace-face and having a metal mouth but it was only in good fun and everyone was really happy for me (I think some were releived I wouldn't be complaining about my teeth anymore

). I teach at a tertiary level and told all my students I was getting it done, and considering I teach a trade class full of 18 year old boys who usually find any excuse to pick on you, I was actually shocked with how supportive they are as well.

If you can joke and laugh at yourself (you might be speaking funny for the first week) then you actually start to enjoy having them. Noone is perfect and if you come across people who are going to judge you for your imperfections then they don't deserve your time anyway.

Good luck with your decision, I hope reading all the stories on this forum gives you the support you need.

Mandy

#3 Post by **jambo532** » Mon Mar 29, 2010 5:25 pm

Hey there. I understand what you are going through. I am married but the thought of what my husband would say about my mouth made me have second thoughts. In the end I went for it and am glad I did. I think you should just take the plunge. Just think if you ended up not getting braces whose to say that you would or wouldn't find someone in 2 years. You could end up still being single and then wishing that you would have had the work done and out of the way. I'm not saying that you wont find someone... sorry i guess that kinda sounds bad. I'm just saying that you should go for it with confidence and the right person will come along with or without braces... so you might as well get the beautiful smile you want.
www.allbraced.blogspot.com

#4 Post by **Vieve25** » Mon Mar 29, 2010 6:41 pm

Hi!! You HAVE to have self confidence in yourself!!!! YOU CAN DO THIS! I'll tell you why: I got my braces on Wednesday. While they were putting them on I was thinking" oh my gosh WHAT AM I DOING TO MYSELF!?" Then they had me get up half way through to rinse my mouth and I thought I was gonna pass out. THEN I am expecting the worse, look in the mirror, an say "OH MY GOSH! I AM SO RELIEVED! THEY DONT LOOK THAT BAD AT ALL!" when you see all the pics of poeple on here you only see there mouth and everything looks BIGGER tahn it would if you saw their whole face. have you ever seen a person with braces and thought, "wow they look hideous in braces?" probably not. I have always seen people with braces and thought "im so jealous, I wish I could just get braces and get it over with like they are". braces dont CHANGE YOU while you have them on. after 4 days you get a sense of accomplishment and you'll feel the rellief of finally beginning something you have been thinking about for so long. You will have a new sense of control over yourself.... if you can do this, you can do anything!!! oh yeah - I am 25

Good Luck - just do it.

#5 Post by **psych braces** » Mon Mar 29, 2010 7:11 pm

Hi Itsabouttime22,
The way I look at it is, if you haven't had a relationship in years what's a little more time! Perhaps your self-confidence has gotten in the way of pursuing relationships up to now, so after your smile makeover you may have new confidence and the relationships will be a breeze. I just made the plunge by plopping down a load of cash so that I couldn't back out (so many delays...I won't be braced until May). I'm currently not in a relationship either but I have decided to focus my energy in another direction so I am currently planning a "trip of a life time" with my best friend. The planning phase will occupy some time and thoughts and give me something to look forward to. I have also decided to pursue another degree. There are a multitude of things you can do in the meantime and Im sure you'll be amazed at how fast the time goes. You should go ahead and take the plunge, get it overwith, and then begin a new phase of your life with great confidence and a gorgeous smile! There's a lot of support here on this site and everyone says that it really goes by fast. Besides you don't need to close any doors...who knows maybe someone will walk through it, even at this unexpected time.

#6 Post by **Blossom** » Mon Mar 29, 2010 8:27 pm

Hey there, the longer you put it off, the older you will be wearing braces. I wish I had mine on in my early 20s.. now I am 29 almost 30.
If you are used to being self concious of bad teeth then having braces really is not much different, except you know that at the end of it your teeth will look great.
Mine are almost finished, I should have my braces off in about 4 weeks. It has been a tough 12 months but so worth it. My friends have been really encouraging too.
I wouldn't worry about dating so much, the right person will be interested braces, crooked teeth and all! I met my fiance when I had the most horrible bucked teeth (his are perfect) he asked me to marry him about 4 months into braces - the right person will support your decision to fix your smile 100%.

#7 Post by **fluffybottom** » Mon Mar 29, 2010 9:18 pm

I was single when I got my braces on. Shortly before getting them on, I went on a first date with a guy. I mentioned that I would be getting braces in a month and he just shrugged and said 'You'll be the third person with braces I've dated!' We dated for a time and while it didn't work out with him (my choice; he drove me craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy with his hippy tree-hugger vegan ways), it did work out with the next guy. We'll have been together for two years at the end of June.

The only thing stopping you from successfully dating while in braces is YOU. If you think you aren't romantically appealing when in braces, the people around you will pick up on that. Then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sure, there will be some who will be like 'Ew! Braces! No way!' but it's just one other thing. There will be people who are 'Ew! Blonde!' or 'Ew! Republican!' or 'Ew! Left-handed!' Do you stop being a left-handed blonde Republican just because you might run into those people? Of course not.

There are no guarantees in love and there is no perfect formula to attract a significant other. Just be confident in who you are and you'll eventually find your match. Braces won't keep you from that person; only self-doubt will.

#8 Post by **Steph in Sac** » Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:06 am

Do it!!! You will be so glad you did. There are no guarantees that you will find the right person in the next two years anyway--so if you put it off to find Mr. or Mrs. Right, you may find yourself 35 or 45 with crooked teeth wishing you fixed them sooner. WE get self-conscious about braces. NO ONE else cares.

#9 Post by **TumbleDryLow** » Tue Mar 30, 2010 7:27 am

I was 24 when I started thinking about getting braces. I was 34 when I actually did it. If I could go back and kick my 24 year old self, I would. The anticipation and what-ifs we put ourselves though before getting braces is much, much, much, worse then actually having and living with them.

#10 Post by **Margie** » Tue Mar 30, 2010 8:45 am

I was single when I got my braces put on in May 2009, I didn't find that the braces have had any impact on me when it comes to dating. I have been with a great guy for a couple of months now and he doesn't mind my braces at all. He actually jokes that he will dump me once I get them off.

I think you should go for it, it is better to get them on now to get it over with. You'll be happy once you have gone through with it.

Good luck!

#11 Post by **Chicagogal** » Tue Mar 30, 2010 8:47 am

There are some very wise and well-spoken people on here. good reminders

I'm a 28 y/o female and finally "took the plunge." I put it off for several years and of course I wish I wouldn't have. I kept saying "I don't want to finish my 20's in braces!!" but honestly, I don't want to start my 30s without straight teeth if I can help it. I'm in a relationship, not sure if he's the one or if we're going to call it quits and I'm a little scared to break up and face a dating world in braces. BUT, I figure, if I do meet Mr. Right I know he'll care for me for un-superficial reasons (it's like men valuing women who they met before they "made their money" ha) and if it all works out, i'll have perfect teeth should I eventually have a wedding day!! It is a bit terrifying, but we can do it!

also, ALL of my friends have been supportive, male or female. i enjoy some playful ribbing so i knew that i'd get a few jokes (right now i'm having some trouble speaking) but they forget about the braces so quickly. and I think back to another friend who had them and I felt like it was instantaneous (though it took 2 years).

#12 Post by **LARRYBOY56** » Sat May 01, 2010 8:46 pm

If grampa can do it at 54 years old, you can do it !

I wish I had the guidance to get things fixed many years ago. Could be a longer/harder road at my age.

If I can do it, you can do it!

#13 Post by **merden** » Sun May 02, 2010 12:15 am

Haha I love your post because it's EXACTLY how i felt as well. I had my braces put on when I was 27 (after 5 years of being single) and had them taken off about a month ago (I'm now 28). I held off because I thought "18 months of celibacy... I can't afford to waste a year in my 20's...If I don't meet someone soon i'll be 30 and single forever etc etc.", but luckily I took the plunge after coming to the realisation that with/without braces, either way I'm still single. It's not like my current situation is working wonders for my dating life hehe.

Admittedly, the first time I looked in the mirror I thought "what the hell have I done" and I seriously considered just having them removed and forfeiting my money, but once you see your teeth actually start to move you'll stick it out. I think in those first stages you'll happily give up sex for the great feeling you get about yourself.

After a few months, you'll start to rebuild your confidence (although I was ALWAYS concious of my braces for the entire 14 months I wore them) and you'll start dating again. I think in fact a lot of poeple find braces "cute" and the biggest difference from pre braces to braces in a dating sense is your general lack of confidance. The way people react to you and show interest is probably about the same.

So... braces timeline is
First 3 or so months = no dating but happy with change

Middle section = dating with lack of self confidance but probably same interest level from others

3 months before being debraced = no dating because you'll "save it for when you're pretty again".

BUT.... the point of the story is that I've had my braces off for a month now and the change from pre-braces to post-braces is really quite significant. I find that a lot more poeple give me second glances when I go out with a straight white smile, and I find people are eyeing me from a distance when I never really got that before. And besides, I know it's cliched but the confidance you gain will ultimately make you more attractive as well. Braces won't kill your love life.

#14 Post by **bookfairy** » Sun May 02, 2010 12:42 am

I was always embaressed to smile because of my teeth.
It didn't look good and I imagined people thought "why doesn't she get that fixed??"
Now that I have braces, I smile broadly and proudly, because my teeth are getting streighter by the day and I and I am so happy about it!

As for the dating part, I am single so I can't help, but the stories written here make me confident that if the braces stop Mr. Right, he ain't the one!

#15 Post by **robojaws** » Sun May 02, 2010 5:38 am

Hey

I know exactly how you feel too. It's taken three years of deliberation, and finally at the age of 25 I decided to just go for it. I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. I've been single for a couple of years and before I got them fitted I did wonder how I would cope as an adult with braces, what people would think, what my friends would say, if I would ever meet a half decent man with a face full of metal etc. It is completely natural to have these concerns but I think a lot of it is getting over that psychological hurdle and realising that most people actually won't even notice and/or won't care.

Admittedly I've only had mine on for the last week but already I'm glad I took the plunge. My friends and family have been really encouraging, even if they do call me 'jaws' and 'shiny robot mouth' haha! I find it pretty funny though, and I think being able to laugh at yourself is really important. I only told my closest friends before I did it. I explained how much I hated my teeth and they were really cool about it. With everyone else, I just sort of surprised them!

I'm not sure how the dating thing will pan out, as I haven't had any experience of that yet. But I think you need to remember that you are doing this for yourself and 2 years is nothing compared to spending the rest of your life with a smile you feel self conscious about. If someone doesn't want to be with you because of braces then why would you bother with a shallow loser like that anyway?

My advice is to just go for it, otherwise you may look back with regret, and that's never a good thing. Good luck!

B