Parents & Braces

[tsmurfenator]

I knew it was only a matter of time but my mom found my facebook profile where 90% of what I post about has to do with braces. Although putting braces 6 months ago I never told my parents, and I in fact had been far more worried about their reaction than anybody else's.

Being adults I assume most of us don't live with our parents or even see them too frequently.

But our parents must be a big part of the reason why we have braces as adults:
1. maybe they couldn't afford them for us growing up
2. maybe we wanted them but they said we didn't need them
3. maybe they said we needed them but we refused
4. maybe they did pay for them but we didn't wear retainer

Seems like some of this could be difficult to come to terms with 10 or 20 years later. Along braces they would have found 3-4 more significant things about me but the only they noted was the braces.

So I'm curious if anybody had interesting reactions from their parents about getting braces. In the case where you don't see them often is it something you tell them .. or just do .. ? Do your parents know you have braces? What did they say? Supportive, non-supportive, etc.?

[onefastchick]

I told my mom I was going to get them and her response was typical of most people....

"I didnt think your teeth were bad enough, I didnt think you had an overbite..." and then she proceeded to call me tinsel teeth which we both got a good laugh at, I am not at all self conscious about my braces.

I guess I would say she is not supportive but also not un-supportive it just is. She lives in another state and I do not see her often but she flew in today to come visit and saw them for the first time. Really uneventful actually, just happy to see each other and for her to see my kids.

[Donna]

My parents live in a different country, and I haven't told them. I was never told I needed braces when I was a kid, so they would probably be very surprised.

[hal2me]

Hi tsmurfenator,

When I told my parents I was getting braces, they said "Go for it!".

My parents (and my husband too!) were very supportive of my decision. The only thing my mom got mad about was the dentist telling her I did not need braces all those years. She was upset that I had to pay for them now (at age 35) because I was on her dental until the age of 23!

My mom had braces as a kid (the 1950's), so she is very sympathetic to the pain I have to go through during/after adjustments. My Dad had very week teeth and opted to get dentures instead of braces to alleviate the problem. To this day he regrets not keeping his own teeth.

However, there are some relatives who have made comments to me about wasting my money because my teeth were "fine". They are the ones that have the most "jacked-up" teeth.

[Squara square face]

My parents are seperated and I have less frequent contact with my Dad. I never told him I was getting braces as he can sometimes say the wrong thing. I saw him a few months after getting them and he couldn't hide his suprise/ dislike and told me 'they don't look too bad" with a funny look on his face. Luckily I am really comfortable with them and like having them as I know they are fixing my 11mm overjet and crooked teeth.

My mums reaction when I told her I was getting braces was an all different response. She felt guilty for the fact I had not had them as a child. She regularly took me to the dentist and I was refered to an orthodontist about age 13 but I remember he told us I did not need braces and my overjet would sort itself out.

[catgyrl]

Good topic!

My parents' reaction was basically, "Uhh.... okaaaay..." And then, "Why?" When I pointed out my extreme overjet, and elaborated about how my teeth were all worn down because the bite was all off, they said, "We really hadn't noticed your teeth sticking out. And none of your dentists ever said you needed braces." I guess because out of the 7 kids (I'm the youngest), 4 of us have basically the same shape teeth. Out of those 3 siblings, one now has complete dentures (as does my mom), and the other two's teeth are so jacked up I would never want to look like that. Hence... my getting my teeth fixed. I guess they've never heard of "preventative measures".

I wouldn't say they're non-supportive; it's basically a non-issue to them. However, my mom did say the other day (in response to my complaining about adjustment pain), "The best thing I ever did in my life was have all my teeth pulled in my 20's, so I don't have to go through that." I told her, "Well, I like my teeth, so if I take care of it now, I won't HAVE TO get them all pulled!"

-Cathy

[catgyrl]

hal2me - Are you part of my family, too??

The worst comments I got were from "relatives" whose teeth are so bad (the ones that are still left in their mouth, that is... the rest got pulled years ago), that I'm dumbfounded they could question why I wouldn't want to fix mine so I wouldn't end up like them. I even heard from my brother, "What's wrong with loving yourself as you are?" Sorry, but I could never love myself knowing I had every opportunity to fix my teeth, and didn't... and ended up losing all of them. I DO love myself - therefore, I AM doing something about it!!!

Jealousy, perhaps?

Squara Square Face - mine said the same thing: "They REALLY don't look that bad." I laughed and told them, "I don't think they look bad at all. I love them, and think I look cute!"

[sadpanda]

When I told my mom I was getting braces, she denied the fact that dentists had been telling me to get them since I was 9 and throughout my teen years. She said she never knew, but I remember being excited when the dentist recommended braces and then my mom telling me she would never pay for something like that, especially when I looked fine to her. I guess I don't really know what she thinks about me having braces now, but she's very vocal about what orthodontist she wants me to see when I'm old enough to decide for myself.

[psych braces]

The annual cost of individual alcohol and tobacco consumption in New York mirrors the cost of orthodontics. When I was a teenager my Dad said that my need for braces didn't justify the cost; as he stood with drink and cigarette in hand... it wasn't easy to accept (heavy drinker and smoker). As if in a flashback of time, I was recently put into the middle of this same conversation between my brother and my niece. My brother telling her "no" and that there was "no need", as he looked to me for support of this opinion. I felt her need was genuine, and told them this, along with my advise as to how the braces could be financed...he could quit smoking. I got a big smile from my niece and a huge frown from my brother. My brother is intelligent and sensitive enough to realize where my point of view comes from; and that I was equating my brothers behavior with that of my father when I was a teenager. My father is deceased now and I really think he would have felt guilt after seeing me braced at my age, but he would likely have held out with the "but you didn't need braces". If he were still with us I probably would be reluctent to tell him about my braces because I wouldn't want to cause him pain over feeling quilty. No drama queen here...I really loved my Dad but I really needed these braces!

[GeenBug]

I got mine this morning. I didn't tell my mom. I told my Dad two days ago and he was just like, "Oh, ok," but not in a supportive way. He and my mom already knew I wanted braces as I had already expresses my unhappiness to them with my teeth a year ago (a few times). But to them, especially my Dad, I don't need them: "You're beautiful just the way you are," "There's nothing wrong with your teeth," "No one in my family has bad teeth, and you especially, you took after my mom (my grandma)," "You've very good teeth, strong teeth." And then he told me how he knew someone who had braces and then his teeth were really horrible after a few years or something and it was because of the braces. lol. And I can't remember what else he has said. He's very old school and in my culture, it's hard to change the way some people believe. When they have an idea about something in their mind, it's hard to get them to see things in a different light, especially the men. Growing up, I never told them how I didn't like my teeth because I knew we couldn't afford them and because of my Dad...as I knew he wouldn't want me to get them. Another thing, in my culture, teeth gaps are seen as a sign of "beauty." People who have them in my country are fine with them and many guys actually like them. Even if it's a huge gap, people'll smile proudly. But I'm not there and didn't My mom also knew I wanted braces and I knew she would have helped long ago had she been able to. We were talking one time a year ago and I brought it up and she mentioned the gaps in my lower teeth. I've a big diastema on top. And gaps on the lower as well. I didn't realize the gaps in the lower teeth were also showing, but 3 people (including her) mentioned them.

[GeenBug]

Oh shoot, I didn't finish writing and editing that and accidentally submitted. I guess we can't edit posts here? What was I saying? Oh yea, my mom'll find out this weekend. I'm a little nervous or maybe I should say "anxious" about her reaction. It would be great if I get the support at home, but if not, I'm okay with that. My brother's the only one who seems to understand and is supportive. It's hard for some people to understand how it is, especially if they've great teeth. Apart from my grandma, everyone in my family has great teeth. I've been so self-conscious with my teeth I can't remember the last time I smiled in public. Even talking to people has become hard because as soon as a open my mouth they see my teeth, and I know they see it because that's what they're looking at when I talk. Even at home, I don't like showing my teeth. And it has been affecting me socially, in a big way. And people do judge. Anyways, I'm old enough to make my own decisions now and I'm paying for them myself. I don't need anyone's permission ...especially not at this age... to do something that I know's going to make a huge difference for me in so many ways. While my Ortho experience today wasn't the greatest (I made another thread a few days ago...and I'm going to say I did not listen to my intuition regarding the Ortho himself...but that's another story...), I really happy I finally did this. Now I just hope everything goes well.

[avy]

I'm really close with my mum so I told her as soon as I went for my first ortho visit. She was very supportive and didnt judge me at all. A few people from work were surprised and didnt understand why I did it, but I dont care what they think

[sadpanda]

Hi GeenBug -

Just curious, where are you from?

[karencoutts]

It's been two years since I told my parents about my braces so I don't remember exactly what was said.

When I was growing I asked to get braces. I do remember that my father said "Beauty is only skin deep" and suggested that many Japanese movie stars have one crooked teeth, and they like it over there! Of course, since we lived in Canada and are not Japanese, I didn't see the relevance in this, but there is no point in arguing if they say no, is there? My father has been dying his hair since it started turning grey... so what happened to beauty being skin deep?

So finally, when I decided to get braces at the age of 42, both my parents expressed negative comments, the kind you get from your "friends." "There's nothing wrong with your teeth" etc. Something like that. If they said something supportive instead, it would be an admission of being too cheap or too uncaring, wouldn't it? The good thing is that my mother gave me $5000 soon after. I think that was her way of making up for it. Incidentally, my family was fairly wealthy, but most of the money was being funnelled off to pay for my cousins' university education, leather jackets, cars, and my uncles' and aunts' lavish lifestyles, but that's another story.

Sad to hear that so many of us experienced the same lack of support then and now.

[fluffybottom]

I have received nothing but support from my family, friends and co-workers. My mother has repeatedly told me how proud of me she is for doing this, especially that I did this despite having a dental phobia. My dad has also praised me and my progress throughout this adventure.