need advice!

[akabraces]

happy thanksgiving all!

i'm writing b/c i need some advice. my dentist and ortho both said i need braces b/c i've chipped four teeth and worn all the enamel off my teeth b/c of my bite. they said if i don't correct it, i'll keep breaking off teeth--i'm only 26 and four teeth have chipped. my ortho is the best in the area--big time. soooo....

for a little history: my mom wouldn't let me get braces when i was little b/c she said i didn't need them. even tonight when i told her i'm getting them, she freaked out and yelled and said i didn't need them and said the dentist never said i needed them when i was little. but as you all know, a kid never forgets when the dentist says you need braces. anyway, she said she would pay for a consult with the ortho she knows b/c she trusts him. BUT i'm afraid she's going to call him in advance (b/c she's crazy) or somehow sway him to say i don't need braces. i've already had both my dentist AND my ortho say i need them--that's 2. do i really need a third opinion?

plus my mom is arguing that braces can't fix my bite, but my ortho said they can. any opinions?

thanks for any help and guidance you can provide!

it's hard enough needing braces, i don't need my nut-so mom interfering and denying my problems...

thanks and happy holidays!

*aka

[Shelby014]

not to dis your mom or nothing, but she needs to chill, two dentists/orthos have told you that you need braces, and your teeth are chipping and getting ruined, but your mom still says that you dont need them, doesnt she have eyeballs, cant she see that your bite is BREAKING your teeth?! You are 26 years old, you can make your own decisions about your teeth, and you dont want your teeth desentigrating, so braces is your only option, and seeing as you mom thinks she knows more then an orthodontist does, she should go in and talk to him. A good orthodontist will not be detured by a non-compliant parent.

Sorry if i sound pushy or crappy, but your parent should take a little interest in your mouths welfare. I really hope that i didnt offend you, because things like this really make me angry.
Shelby

[shinyam]

If you're an adult and can pay for them yourself, I would just go ahead and get the braces. Otherwise, try to convince her. It seems like you really do need them.

[Dauric]

Hey,

Just a thought: If the Dentist/OrthoD. Is more concerned about listening to your mother's uneducated opinion on the matter than his (rather expensive) training and expereince, as well as your own wishes then perhaps you would do well to seek another OrthoD.

I had braces as a child (for appeareances only) and had no control over wether or not I had the procedure. I'll tell you right now, it is vitally important that -you- be the one in charge of -your- health.

Just my $0.02 anyway.

[littleshaddies]

Is the idea to convince your mother to pay for the braces? Has she got the money to pay for them? Maybe there is a bugget issue here that she is trying to push and your braces don't seem priority 1 to her. And why should they?
If you are 26 you shouldn't run to mum for approval or money. You can blame her for not doing it for you when you were little but let's not start that, we are all here at this age for different reasons.
Also how naive you have to be to think that your mother can advice the orthodontist not to take money form another patient?
If you have the money go and get the braces, if not go and get a job first!

I know it was a bit strong what I said but sometimes we all need reality check.
No hate mail please

[akabraces]

thanks so much for all
of your advice..i really appreciate it...
i'll certainly take it all into consideration...

take care!

*aka

[weird_wired]

Your mother sounds like she has some psychological problem regarding dentistry/orthodontics. Does she have a personal phobia of orthodontics?

Because for her to be arguing against professional opinion when (from what you say) she isn't in the dental industry herself is illogical.

Which to me suggests a phobia.

You're 26, you're an adult, it's your business. There's no way she should be able to "sway" a professional practitioner in a consultation: that would be enormously illegal and unethical.

My advice is to treat your mother kindly but firmly, get an opinion from her guy out of respect for her (may as well get all the opinions you can - he may have different treatment ideas as well) and proceed on the basis of what you want, and what orthodontists have recommended to you.

[akabraces]

hey fabulous everybody...

man, thanks so much for the responses...i can't tell you how hard it is having my mom berate me about the braces thing--and now my brother too--when it's hard enough having to deal with braces just by themselves...

SHELBY: thanks so much for your words of encouragement...i think you're right, I've had 2 consults, and they both think I need braces so I should listen to that...my mom doesn't believe that my teeth will keep chipping but oh well...she insists that braces do not correct bites--they only correct teeth...

you don't sound pushy or crappy at all...and it is so validating to hear you say that my parent should take a little interest in my mouths welfare...this is a woman who snuck me out of the emergency room when i had a broken bone, so you can understand how the situation is a little skewed.

you're very kind to offer your words (and anger!)...thanks so much...


SHINYAM: thanks for the advice to just go through with it....
I need that encouragement...

Perhaps I should do the consultation b/c you're right--if I don't--she'll give me hell the whole time I'm in braces saying that I don't need themm....argghh...

KK:

I know that I'm 26 and I can make decisions for myself, but my mother is overbearing and inserts herself into everything...even when I stand up for myself, things get abusive, and so it's hard to deal with...as for the ortho I have, he's the best in the area, and sooooo warm and awesome...
so I should trust his opinion and get the braces, even though now I'm thinking of backing out of it...ughh...

thanks for your nice wishes!

LITTLESHADDIES:

No, the idea here is not to convince her to pay for the braces...I appreciate you saying that I shouldn't "run to my my mother for money" (and that I should "get a job first"), but I'm happy to say that I have two careers that give me the money I need, so I'm afraid you're off the mark...being a college professor and working in the entertainment industry pays me just well, thank you very much.


Weird_Wired:

I think you're totally right on that my mums must have some psychological problem about braces...I confronted her about it but she denied it--she had braces, my bro had braces, but for some reason, it's just not okay for me...

She likes to think she's an expert on everything which is why she argues about doctors opinions, but I really think I need to trust the doctors opinions and not hers!

My only concern about her "swaying" the ortho is that they are good friends, and she's nuts and can find ways to get her way...oh well...

SOOOO...thanks to all...the sad part about all this is now I'm thinking of not getting braces which is sooo messed up b/c I really need them, but my family is being so unsupportive and mean about it...I know I'm an adult, but I don't want to be abused just about braces...oh well...I don't know, my friends are being really supportive so we'll see, and you've all been so helpful...

enjoy the night and thanks again--this site is awesome!

*aka

[nimo]

I don't even think I'm going to tell my family I'm getting braces. My parents didn't care about it when I was growing up, so there's no need to involve them now, especially when I live 6,000 miles away, and they aren't paying for it (my insurance will cover every inch of it).

[Shelby014]

OMG, she snuck you out of the emergency room?!!? In my book that ranks almost as high as neglect. You even had a broken bone. I think your mom has some sort of phobia of medical treatment. I mean i have broken my arm twice, and each time my grandparents wasted no time in taking me to the emergency room, and when they got me there they left me there! LoLz. But for real your mom needs to go to a psyhcologist or something, cuz thats just not normal, to be so uncomforable around medical staff, that you take your OWN HURT CHILD out of the emergency room, when he/she has a BROKEN BONE. Breaking a bone hurts, and i'm sorry you had to go through that, and i'm even sorrier that your mom doesnt support you in getting breaces, but if it makes you feel any better my grandma didnt want me to get braces because she liked the humongous space in between my two front teeth, because she said that it made me look unique, and now that i have braces and the gap is closed, i feel sooo much better about myself. You just need to go out and get your braces, and get on with your life, your mom will either have to accept it or not, but the choice is hers. Your mouth depends on you getting braces, so thats what you should do. You dont want all of your teeth getting all messed up just because you were afraid of what your mom might say about you getting braces, well hope this helped, ttyl
Shelby

[weird_wired]

I don't quite understand the emergency room/broken bone thing, but it sounds alarming.

Here are two thing that I really think you need to do:

1. From this point on, adopt 100% full responsibility for your own medical and dental care, and do not be swayed by any family opinion that contradicts the opinion of independent, professional practioners.

2. Consider discussing your family situation with a counsellor. Because it sounds like it is screwing you up and causing you upset, and I think it would be really helpful for you to talk over your concerns with a professional, third party, who can give you some perspective.

For my part I think you are really brave in speaking about your worries and issues like this. The fact that you are considering "going it alone" (eg without your family's full support) shows that you do have a lot of inner strength. But everything you have posted about your mother's attitude is extremely alarming, and while I am sure her fears are based in her love for you, it is not a healthy way for her to express it.

Good luck and we are all hear for you to spill and rant when the wire goes on and the *real* pain begins...

...only joking the treatment is really not so bad

[akabraces]

Thank you all for your responses, you've helped to make me feel so much better, I really can't tell you how much it means to me...

Now I'm feeling like I should go through with it, even if my family makes fun of me, and yells at me, etc...it's my decision and if anything, it will be
a big sign of rebellion!

Thank you all for your sensitivity...as for your therapy suggestions, already got that covered...but thanks for the support!

with thanks,

*aka

p.s. i have this guy who is interested in me begging me to get braces which doesn't hurt!

[drazda]

Definitely go through with it. You need the braces and you will be very relieved once you get them- I was.