Negative Remarks.....

Message

#16 Post by **afrederick** » Thu Feb 23, 2006 4:48 pm

Surprisingly enough, my co-workers have been the most supportive. It was my parents and my siblings who teased me. Hopefully they get bored with it or finally realize that I'm not returning their calls at the moment.

#17 Post by **Betty Bat** » Fri Feb 24, 2006 9:44 am

I might be a wet blanket on this one, because I have been a supervisor in the past. When her mouth snapped shut and she turned red, that may have been anger on her part that could come back at you in the future.

A more productive response might have been, "Is this age discrimination? Should I talk with the Human Resources department?"

#18 Post by **Flora2006** » Fri Feb 24, 2006 12:06 pm

Betty Bat wrote:A more productive response might have been, "Is this age discrimination? Should I talk with the Human Resources department?"

I like that one.

#19 Post by **jcdamon3** » Fri Feb 24, 2006 4:33 pm

A more productive response might have been, "Is this age discrimination? Should I talk with the Human Resources department?"

To me this sounds a lot more threatening than what she said, BUT you bring up a very good point about this being age discrimination. Because it is!

If the supervisor is a totally unfair and nasty person she may seek retribution no matter how you responded. WiredNana if you think that she is going to get nasty, I would document it for sure. If you are okay with it and you think she is okay with it, then fine. If not and you think she will be ugly later then protect yourself!

#21 Post by **jennandtonic** » Fri Feb 24, 2006 5:55 pm

Fred, it is understandable that this lady may have been having a bad day and was frustrated, but to comment on someone's age and something that is THEIR business is very inappropriate and WiredNana deserves an apology.

I don't think it's just that most of us on here are particularly sensitive, I think in any situation it is very rude to comment on a coworker's age in that manner. In fact, in almost any situation in general that is very rude. I think of it this way: would I say that to my own mother? If not, it's rude.

I haven't had rude comments so far. People mistake me for being younger now, but I already looked young, the braces just help it along. Almost everyone has said something like 'It will be worth it!'

#22 Post by **jcdamon3** » Fri Feb 24, 2006 8:27 pm

I agree with Jennandtonic. We had sexual harrassment training at work. I work for a large corporation so it was in their best interest to require this training for everyone! There are more lawsuits than you can imagine.

What we learned is: It doesn't even matter what the intent is, if it makes you feel uncomfortable then it is inappropriate. And age is no different than sex when it comes to discrimination. We ALL deserve to be treated with respect in the workplace. All of us.

And with that we should probably take the issue of age discrimination to the "off topic" board

.

#23 Post by **WiredNana** » Sat Feb 25, 2006 7:53 am

Wow.......

I better clarify things.....

I never felt I was being discriminated age-wise by my Supervisors statement. She has always had a Shoot-from-the-lip style with people and it HAS gotten her in trouble in the past. Being that she's about the same age as myself, I just felt she was belittling me and my Much thought-out decision to go forward with this Ortho. business.....Yes, I know she was more concerned with staffing that day, But... I went through all the proper channels in requesting the day-off well in advance!...And SHE OK'd it three weeks ago without question!

Just goes to show you what a 'touchy' subject this can all be.....and yes...I am a bit sensitive right now......

I really appreciate all your replies....this is an extremely valuable forum and I feel very lucky to have found a place where we can all support one another through this interesting journey.......

take care.....

wirednana (Deb)

#24 Post by **ingyandbert** » Sat Feb 25, 2006 9:16 am

Fred, I completely agree with you. I work in the legal field and occasionally work on employment discrimination cases. This incident does not rise to the level of something actionable and to throw around the "D" work when it's not necessary is just inviting trouble.

#25 Post by **Betty Bat** » Sat Feb 25, 2006 1:02 pm

This turned out to be a very interesting discussion. Thanks to all of you! My personal corporate experience (and baggage) were definitely showing.

#26 Post by **NotBob1** » Sat Feb 25, 2006 3:11 pm

It may not be discrimination, but it is rude, wrong and insensitive. I suppose my come back would have been something along the line of "How dare you say something like that to me" turning around and leaving with the door being slammed.

But then I am self employed, have worked for others 10 plus years ago, and have had situations where I told the boss they were out of line. No, I didn't get fired, but thought I would and prepared for it.

If I said something to a good employee of mine and they reacted similar to what I described above, I would know I did something wrong. The fact that they are an employee does not play into it. I made a mistake toward another individual and I owe that person an apology.

#27 Post by **wearetheborg** » Sat Feb 25, 2006 6:02 pm

I have to agree with Fred, the comment was not nice, but it did not seem to be made in malice. I was esp surprised WiredNana was still spinning in rage days after the remark was made. As Fred, I would interpret the remark as having been made in stupidity.

It like when I went to a Subway for a sandwich in Colorado. Girl asked me what to put in, I omitted meat. Girl asked me why I omitted meat. That might seem insentitive to some, but really those remarks are not intended to hurt. I'm sure all of us have made remarks which seemed insensitive to other people.

Perhaps its a girl thing ? *Puts flame coat on*.

Really girls, dont get so sensitive - I dont think anyone else pays that much attention to your teeth. Before I got teeth trouble, there was a girl at a food station that used to wear headgear. Whenver I went in there, I wanted to ask her what it was for. But as soon as I took the food and got out, girl, headgear and all were out of my mind. Honestly, (mature) people have way too much on their minds to dwell on braces on other people. They may notice them, but its like "hey new shoes" and then next second thught is out of the brain.

At least thats how it works for us guys.

#28 Post by **wearetheborg** » Sat Feb 25, 2006 6:09 pm

Oh, that leaves the question of how to respond to it. NotBob1's approach of storming out seems to be a bit too much. You need to show you think that remark is inappropriate, but not make a big deal out of it. I thought Wirednana's reponse was great - she didnt accuse her employer of anything, but her response made it very clear she was hurt.
I'm not so great with smart comebacks, so I'd probably say "coz my teeth need them" and leave the questioner hanging

#29 Post by **NotBob1** » Sat Feb 25, 2006 11:00 pm

But how else do you let a person like this know that this type of comment/behavior is not acceptable, Borg?

#30 Post by **wearetheborg** » Sun Feb 26, 2006 12:49 am

I'm assuiming the other person is clueness, and not deliberately trying to be hurtful. If I give him/her a curt response, it should convey to the other person that I think his/her comment was inappropriate.

It doesnt work on a message board, the tone makes the displeasure clear.

Now if the other person is REALLY stupid, he wont get the scond time around, THEN I would take a direct approach