(I decide to post this message here, as well as on Bracket Club, as I know many people read this particular thread, and apparently the post has made a difference.)
In the best of all worlds, people grow up with positive experiences with dentists, orthodontists, doctors or similar “healthâ€
Breaking the silence (serious topic)
Moderator: bbsadmin
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Pirate Wench
- Posts: 324
- Joined: Wed Apr 12, 2006 8:32 am
- Location: Canada
Thank you for sharing this information with all of us. I think you have done something that is very important. I know there is abuse all over the world and it still isn't talked about nearly enough. You are not alone..... there are many of us out there and we need to stick together. There are many forms of abuse out there. Alot of people have trouble seeing the signs and symptoms....alot of people are in denile. I hope everyone reading this thead will take a closer look at people around them. Some people just need a little encouragement to get the ball rolling.
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onthemoney
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2006 9:49 pm
I was reading your post, and it made a serious impact on me. I have been a lurker here ever since I confronted the fact I needed orthodontic treatment at about 19. Alot of my friends/girlfriend say I didn't really need it, but my teeth have always been sensitive to me, as I've known they were crooked for as long as I can remember (I can post pics later of before/present).
Ever since I had both top and metal braces put on (didn't want clear due to the staining) I've felt very... almost, traumatized. I find myself wandering off in thought about feeling 'singled out' and 'alone'. It's hard to really put into context, but the article summed it up for me somewhat well.
I wasn't quite sure if other people felt this way, as I've never really felt the need to bring it up with most of my teeth-fortunate buddies. I feel as if people don't take me seriously... don't really want to chill with 'the guy with braces' and in turn has made it hard for me to really be open and confident (as I'd like to think I was much more before). Should I see a shrink... or do I just need a little more confidence? I need some hope, thanks.
Ever since I had both top and metal braces put on (didn't want clear due to the staining) I've felt very... almost, traumatized. I find myself wandering off in thought about feeling 'singled out' and 'alone'. It's hard to really put into context, but the article summed it up for me somewhat well.
I wasn't quite sure if other people felt this way, as I've never really felt the need to bring it up with most of my teeth-fortunate buddies. I feel as if people don't take me seriously... don't really want to chill with 'the guy with braces' and in turn has made it hard for me to really be open and confident (as I'd like to think I was much more before). Should I see a shrink... or do I just need a little more confidence? I need some hope, thanks.
Missingu, I was not sure whether to reply to this or not, but I think I will... maybe someone out there has had an experience similar to mine. I have not shared it with more than two or so people I know, but maybe it is time.
When I was eight years old or so, my mother took me to the dentist to get a small filling. Of course, I was terrified of drills and needles and scary sounds. They took me into the back and put me in the chair. I was panicking, because I knew that whatever they were going to do was going to hurt. I felt so alone, because my mother was back in the waiting room. I did not want them to do the filling. I guess my terror and panic was evident, because the dentist and his assistants decided that they needed to subdue me. They made me sit in the chair, and they used laughing gas on me to calm me down and subdue me against my will. I remember sitting there in a dreamlike state, feeling like I had no control... that my will had been stolen from me... that they even took my ability to care about what was being done to me away. I felt dirty and violated. I was too mortified, ashamed, and humiliated to tell my mother about it for another 12 years. I felt even guiltier after telling her, because she felt so guilty that she had never known... they had never told her or asked her permission to do that to me. Ironically, the dentist's name was Dr. Grimm.
Now, they only did the filling on me, and I'm sure it was a textbook filling. Nobody there se*ually abused me, and I am not trying to compare myself to se*ual abuse victims. What I do know is that that one experience forever traumatized me, whether or not anybody else in the world thinks it was valid for me to feel that way or not. Since that one time, when one impatient dentist used anesthesia against my will to subdue me, I have had a greater phobia of anesthesia than of anything else on earth.
More than a decade after the incident, I had my wisdom teeth extracted. The procedure went well, but the environment felt like one of terror for me still, and the IV anesthesia scared the wits out of me. I woke up from it sobbing, and sobbed and vomited for at least two hours straight afterward... not just from the meds.
Today, I had five teeth extracted and an impacted canine exposed, under IV sedation. It took every bit of strength and courage in my mind, body, heart, and soul to face this. I can't think of anesthesia without fearing a dentist or surgeon doing something against my will... now that I am an adult woman, those worries turn to things like... "what if he touches me inappropriately... or more?"
I am not a victim of se*ual abuse, that I can remember. Nor am I a victim at all. But I am someone who has spent most of her life trying to reconcile fears sown at an early age during one specific incident at the dentist.
I agree that there are many forms of abuse out there. And some of the folks (i.e. Dr. Grimm, my childhood dentist) who dish it out might not even realize how they are affecting another human being. For this reason, these days, I feel that actually finding a communicative, patient, flexible, and sensitive dentist, orthodontist, or medical professional is a real miracle.
I think so many people carry deep wounds inside them; regardless of what others think or say, even regardless of whether others think the wounds are justified or not, many of these wounds can last a lifetime. If I may be so bold as to say: If you think or know you carry one, then it is real, no matter what anybody else says, because it does affect you. Be true to yourself above all else, because you deserve it. Choose to do the things that you believe will help make you into the best kind of person you want to be. You have that power. You have that will. Nobody else has to necessarily believe with you, because... you do it for yourself. That's what makes you strong. That's what makes you beautiful... inside. And nobody can steal it from you, nobody can take that from you against your will. Every little step you take is a wonderful accomplishment in and of itself.
Sorry about the soapbox, I guess missingu dredged up some very old memories for me. Thank you for your post, missingu. I have now had a chance to say some things I have never described in detail before. Maybe someone else out there has faced something that made them feel the same way. If so, to you, I say: you are not alone.
You are absolutely correct. Like you, it takes every ounce of courage for me to face some of my dental fears. Laying back in a chair. Allowing someone to have control of my mouth, my pain, my experience. Me.Translation. For some people, myself included, it takes every ounce of courage to be willing to lie in a chair and let someone (man or woman) put their hands in my mouth, put foul tasting liquid in my mouth, or mess around in general without explaining what is happening. When an ortho starts to get too directive, or shuts off communication, it might be tolerable for some people, but for me (and others), that can really feel threatening, even when it is not meant to be that way.
When I was eight years old or so, my mother took me to the dentist to get a small filling. Of course, I was terrified of drills and needles and scary sounds. They took me into the back and put me in the chair. I was panicking, because I knew that whatever they were going to do was going to hurt. I felt so alone, because my mother was back in the waiting room. I did not want them to do the filling. I guess my terror and panic was evident, because the dentist and his assistants decided that they needed to subdue me. They made me sit in the chair, and they used laughing gas on me to calm me down and subdue me against my will. I remember sitting there in a dreamlike state, feeling like I had no control... that my will had been stolen from me... that they even took my ability to care about what was being done to me away. I felt dirty and violated. I was too mortified, ashamed, and humiliated to tell my mother about it for another 12 years. I felt even guiltier after telling her, because she felt so guilty that she had never known... they had never told her or asked her permission to do that to me. Ironically, the dentist's name was Dr. Grimm.
Now, they only did the filling on me, and I'm sure it was a textbook filling. Nobody there se*ually abused me, and I am not trying to compare myself to se*ual abuse victims. What I do know is that that one experience forever traumatized me, whether or not anybody else in the world thinks it was valid for me to feel that way or not. Since that one time, when one impatient dentist used anesthesia against my will to subdue me, I have had a greater phobia of anesthesia than of anything else on earth.
More than a decade after the incident, I had my wisdom teeth extracted. The procedure went well, but the environment felt like one of terror for me still, and the IV anesthesia scared the wits out of me. I woke up from it sobbing, and sobbed and vomited for at least two hours straight afterward... not just from the meds.
Today, I had five teeth extracted and an impacted canine exposed, under IV sedation. It took every bit of strength and courage in my mind, body, heart, and soul to face this. I can't think of anesthesia without fearing a dentist or surgeon doing something against my will... now that I am an adult woman, those worries turn to things like... "what if he touches me inappropriately... or more?"
I am not a victim of se*ual abuse, that I can remember. Nor am I a victim at all. But I am someone who has spent most of her life trying to reconcile fears sown at an early age during one specific incident at the dentist.
I agree that there are many forms of abuse out there. And some of the folks (i.e. Dr. Grimm, my childhood dentist) who dish it out might not even realize how they are affecting another human being. For this reason, these days, I feel that actually finding a communicative, patient, flexible, and sensitive dentist, orthodontist, or medical professional is a real miracle.
I think so many people carry deep wounds inside them; regardless of what others think or say, even regardless of whether others think the wounds are justified or not, many of these wounds can last a lifetime. If I may be so bold as to say: If you think or know you carry one, then it is real, no matter what anybody else says, because it does affect you. Be true to yourself above all else, because you deserve it. Choose to do the things that you believe will help make you into the best kind of person you want to be. You have that power. You have that will. Nobody else has to necessarily believe with you, because... you do it for yourself. That's what makes you strong. That's what makes you beautiful... inside. And nobody can steal it from you, nobody can take that from you against your will. Every little step you take is a wonderful accomplishment in and of itself.
Sorry about the soapbox, I guess missingu dredged up some very old memories for me. Thank you for your post, missingu. I have now had a chance to say some things I have never described in detail before. Maybe someone else out there has faced something that made them feel the same way. If so, to you, I say: you are not alone.
I know that alot of people are afraid of the dentist and was very aware of this with my daughter.
This is for anyone who is afraid of dentists and may have kids some day. You cannot let your child see your fear! If you do, they will be scared to death too.
I have always been very comfortable with the dentist. Probably because of my upbringing. My Mom is a calm cool and collected lady. Dentists visits were no big deal when I was a kid.
My daughter's first dentist visit was a disaster. She was 2 1/2 and they gave her the flouride treatment by liquid in a cup. She accidently swallowed it and proceeded to vomit all over their carpet. I didn't even feel bad about the carpet. All I could think of was how stupid they were. I never went back. Visits after that were with my current dentist who did not specialize with kids but he was great with her. He was slow and always told her everything he was going to do. He was very gentle.
She always got a sticker or a toy when her visit was over.
This is for anyone who is afraid of dentists and may have kids some day. You cannot let your child see your fear! If you do, they will be scared to death too.
I have always been very comfortable with the dentist. Probably because of my upbringing. My Mom is a calm cool and collected lady. Dentists visits were no big deal when I was a kid.
My daughter's first dentist visit was a disaster. She was 2 1/2 and they gave her the flouride treatment by liquid in a cup. She accidently swallowed it and proceeded to vomit all over their carpet. I didn't even feel bad about the carpet. All I could think of was how stupid they were. I never went back. Visits after that were with my current dentist who did not specialize with kids but he was great with her. He was slow and always told her everything he was going to do. He was very gentle.
I did not start leaving my daughter alone with the dentist until she was about 11. We both went in for cleanings together and she watched while I had my teeth cleaned and I watched while she had her teeth cleaned. She got to choose who went first. The first time she had a filling I was sitting right there with her. I don't even know if the dentist liked this very much - I never really asked him if it was okay. I just did it.I felt so alone, because my mother was back in the waiting room.
She always got a sticker or a toy when her visit was over.
Braced on 8/05 - Braces off 12/06
Mid Forties!
Mid Forties!
It's funny that you are posting that on a day like this to me.
For me personally, I'm in stress. I was a buck toothed girl before my first orthodontic treatment and when I got out of braces my teeth were okay, but still a bit bucked. So yes, I do have a lot of issues trusting an orthodontist these days, specially if it's a woman. I am aware that I do have some issues (I've never been sexually abused though).
The thought of having braces again is traumatizing, because I was really made fun in school when I had them on, and my botton teeth are flaring outwards, which is going to lead to a very full, ugly lip. I took the decision of having metal braces recently because I realized how much my teeth were in the way of my happyness. And trust me that no one in my family is supporting me on this decision. I've been living in this stress since my 1st appointment, which was two months ago... I'm on the verge of a depression because nothing in my life seems to be going right or making sence right now. I just realized how little was I thinking of myself these past years, and at least now I've decided to face one of my biggest fears (including others) and up to a certain point I feel proud that I'm doing such a big, responsible decision, and I feel like I'm doing the right thing.
I've been having night mares and everything, just thinking that something can go wrong...
It's very sad to know that 1 in 4 girls are abused, it makes me sick to my stomach... it's sad thinking about how that can affect their lives forever, even to the point of not trusting a dentist or an orthodontist to do their job... Some of them can't even have a normal relationship with a man in the future, all due to the abuse they have gone through.
It makes me feel lucky in a way...
Joanna
For me personally, I'm in stress. I was a buck toothed girl before my first orthodontic treatment and when I got out of braces my teeth were okay, but still a bit bucked. So yes, I do have a lot of issues trusting an orthodontist these days, specially if it's a woman. I am aware that I do have some issues (I've never been sexually abused though).
The thought of having braces again is traumatizing, because I was really made fun in school when I had them on, and my botton teeth are flaring outwards, which is going to lead to a very full, ugly lip. I took the decision of having metal braces recently because I realized how much my teeth were in the way of my happyness. And trust me that no one in my family is supporting me on this decision. I've been living in this stress since my 1st appointment, which was two months ago... I'm on the verge of a depression because nothing in my life seems to be going right or making sence right now. I just realized how little was I thinking of myself these past years, and at least now I've decided to face one of my biggest fears (including others) and up to a certain point I feel proud that I'm doing such a big, responsible decision, and I feel like I'm doing the right thing.
I've been having night mares and everything, just thinking that something can go wrong...
It's very sad to know that 1 in 4 girls are abused, it makes me sick to my stomach... it's sad thinking about how that can affect their lives forever, even to the point of not trusting a dentist or an orthodontist to do their job... Some of them can't even have a normal relationship with a man in the future, all due to the abuse they have gone through.
It makes me feel lucky in a way...
Joanna
Next Ortho. consultations: Dec. 26 & January 16
Next Higienist consultation: February
I just happen to do a search on Phobia and found this thread. I'm glad to know that I am not alone with these fears. I'm not glad if anyone was abused. I have daughters and my oldest has been to a dentist several times and most of the time is to have work done like fillings and prep for a crown. These were painful experiences for her because of her tolerance for anesthesia,they had to give her like 5-6 shots on one tooth to work on it and she still felt a lot of pain during the process. I never left her alone for one minute because I knew how scared she was and I was scared also but never let her see that. I went through all my childhood being teased about my teeth/smile. I never had the courage to tell my mom because I thought it would make things worse . The dentist she took me too were NOT sensitive and caring. They would tell my mom what I needed done but they would not tell me anything except that I was going to get a shot because I see the injection in their hand already ..duh!
This has been a source of pain,embaressment and has stopped me from doing and pursuing many things in my life. It took me several months to try and mentally prepare myself . I had to walk into a stranger's office ,tell him/her my fears,experiences and hope that they would be symphatetic to my situation. I was lucky that the first orthodontist was extremely understanding and I felt very comfortable with him. He explain step by step exactly what he would do. And this was just for me to open my mouth! Leaning back in that chair was my first fear.But I did it . He pointed out the problem areas and also let me hold a mirror so I can see exactly what he meant and what plans to correct them. Fear of pain? Not really. Maybe a fear of things to go wrong while sedated. I dont want to feel pain if I'm put under general anesthesia.
It was concluded that I needed the basic 4 extractions for (crowding) to be corrected. The 2 upper premolars and the 2 lower premolars. But I had neglected going to a dentist for SO MANY YEARS that I cannot calculate exactly how many yrs have passed. I also have two lower molars that need to be extracted because I lost half of the molars. So I need 6 extractions. I went to the dentist for the extractions and I managed to leave with a refferal to an Oral Surgeon so I can be put under instead of Local anesthesia. This dentist was just so rude ,the way he talked the way he stood in front of me like some Mafia guy . His arms completely crossed and legs spread apart. Sorry but I didnt feel any sympathy there and he just thought of me as a big chicken sitting there.
I finally went to the OS and I loved the way he treated me and the way his staff was so understanding. He let me know that my situation is totally fixable and my smile was going to beautiful. I told him that was hard to believe. He then proceeded to tell me that he had severe crooked teeth as a child,his canines were so high up like almost up to his nose and sticking out badly. He showed me his smile and everything was straight as a ruler. I almost thought the teeth were fake! So this Monday the 22nd at 9 am my hubby will take me so I can get all the extractions done in one day. It's a 30 minute procedure to get all 6 out the Surgeon told me and another 30 min that they let me rest there under warm blankets and then they would walk me to my husband so he can take me home. They told me that some people wake up "weepy" They told me that some people just wake up out of gen anesthesia crying for some reason. They let me know not to worry ,it wasn't due to pain its some kind of reaction to the anesthesia. They just wanted to let me know this was a possibility. I've been under general anesthesia before but I don't remember waking up crying or maybe I was.
This was meant to be a short "Thank you for starting this thread"
and I ended up spilling my guts. I really can't wait to recover from the extractions because in 2.5 weeks after Iwill be getting the braces. That is not the painful part for me!
Gennel
This has been a source of pain,embaressment and has stopped me from doing and pursuing many things in my life. It took me several months to try and mentally prepare myself . I had to walk into a stranger's office ,tell him/her my fears,experiences and hope that they would be symphatetic to my situation. I was lucky that the first orthodontist was extremely understanding and I felt very comfortable with him. He explain step by step exactly what he would do. And this was just for me to open my mouth! Leaning back in that chair was my first fear.But I did it . He pointed out the problem areas and also let me hold a mirror so I can see exactly what he meant and what plans to correct them. Fear of pain? Not really. Maybe a fear of things to go wrong while sedated. I dont want to feel pain if I'm put under general anesthesia.
It was concluded that I needed the basic 4 extractions for (crowding) to be corrected. The 2 upper premolars and the 2 lower premolars. But I had neglected going to a dentist for SO MANY YEARS that I cannot calculate exactly how many yrs have passed. I also have two lower molars that need to be extracted because I lost half of the molars. So I need 6 extractions. I went to the dentist for the extractions and I managed to leave with a refferal to an Oral Surgeon so I can be put under instead of Local anesthesia. This dentist was just so rude ,the way he talked the way he stood in front of me like some Mafia guy . His arms completely crossed and legs spread apart. Sorry but I didnt feel any sympathy there and he just thought of me as a big chicken sitting there.
I finally went to the OS and I loved the way he treated me and the way his staff was so understanding. He let me know that my situation is totally fixable and my smile was going to beautiful. I told him that was hard to believe. He then proceeded to tell me that he had severe crooked teeth as a child,his canines were so high up like almost up to his nose and sticking out badly. He showed me his smile and everything was straight as a ruler. I almost thought the teeth were fake! So this Monday the 22nd at 9 am my hubby will take me so I can get all the extractions done in one day. It's a 30 minute procedure to get all 6 out the Surgeon told me and another 30 min that they let me rest there under warm blankets and then they would walk me to my husband so he can take me home. They told me that some people wake up "weepy" They told me that some people just wake up out of gen anesthesia crying for some reason. They let me know not to worry ,it wasn't due to pain its some kind of reaction to the anesthesia. They just wanted to let me know this was a possibility. I've been under general anesthesia before but I don't remember waking up crying or maybe I was.
This was meant to be a short "Thank you for starting this thread"
and I ended up spilling my guts. I really can't wait to recover from the extractions because in 2.5 weeks after Iwill be getting the braces. That is not the painful part for me!
Gennel
Are some words here not allowed? Just wondering because I wrote one word to describe the dentist I just went to. When I submitted the reply a totally different word came out? I described the dentist as Coc*y but it posted as ocean?? Even when I edited it again the same thing happened over and over... weird
Gennel
Gennel
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Henna_the_braceface
- Posts: 180
- Joined: Thu Apr 20, 2006 9:51 am
- Location: Sheffield, UK
Correct. There is a filter on the website. Some words are not allowed. It is to keep people's posts clean and to try to discourage fetish posts.Are some words here not allowed? Just wondering because I wrote one word to describe the dentist I just went to. When I submitted the reply a totally different word came out? I described the dentist as Coc*y but it posted as ocean?? Even when I edited it again the same thing happened over and over... weird
Braced on 8/05 - Braces off 12/06
Mid Forties!
Mid Forties!
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secondround
- Posts: 17
- Joined: Tue May 02, 2006 3:29 pm
- Location: Connecticut
Its quite personal
I think its pretty dang personal to have someone messing in your oral cavity regardless of your background.
I have wondered a time or two...even as much as I enjoy dental services, if there wasn't a hygenist/dentist who was getting some kind of thrill by touching my gums or something.
So bottom line, you can't know what the background of the person touching you is...so I think it can be a creepy experience regardless of one's own personal history.
~S:)
I have wondered a time or two...even as much as I enjoy dental services, if there wasn't a hygenist/dentist who was getting some kind of thrill by touching my gums or something.
So bottom line, you can't know what the background of the person touching you is...so I think it can be a creepy experience regardless of one's own personal history.
~S:)
Full tilt metal w/ bite plate
Uppers placed May 12, 2006
Lowers placed June 1, 2006