thanks for all the advice everyone! you guys are really supportive. I'll keep it all in mind! I think I will go ahead and get the braces (probably not after the new year, though). I know I'll never do it once I graduate and start building my career, so it's now or never!
I actually have been thinking about getting another consultation (and I likely will just to get a second opinion). I really like this ortho I saw, though, she and her staff were so kind and friendly, and were very willing to work with me (they know a bit about my situation). I'm also going to see what the family dentist thinks (I have an appointment with him in a couple weeks).
iBorg: I did sort of make a budget where I listed my expected expenses for next semesters and the money I expect to make. As long as I don't ski as often for the next two years and use the library more so I can cut down on books expenses and become more thrifty overall, I can definitely afford the monthly payments (I pretty much almost have the down payment saved up), and I can still save as much money as I've been doing for the past year or so. My savings will sustain me for awhile should I get fired or something (which is unlikely anyway, my boss is always praising my work).
newbie needing advice: family not supportive
Moderator: bbsadmin
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thesallymonster
- Posts: 109
- Joined: Tue Nov 28, 2006 8:05 pm
- Location: Portland, OR
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Ah, this is a problem I do not have. My surviving parent (mother) has dementia and would have difficulty comprehending what braces are, let alone that I would want to do this.
Your money, your call. Your mum will get used to the braces if you go ahead. And she may respect you for it in the longer term, too.
Your money, your call. Your mum will get used to the braces if you go ahead. And she may respect you for it in the longer term, too.
If you're paying for it yourself and you are of legal age (over eighteen) then tell your parents you respect their opinions but realize this is your decision. They are your teeth and you have to live with them for the rest of your life. If you are not comfortable with how your teeth look/feel/meet then you have every right to improve your smile.I'm a 19 year old student, and I don't live with my family anymore. I plan on paying all the out-of-pocket treatment expenses myself
I fought and fought with my parents to get braces when I was much younger and they had many the same arguments that your parents present. I relented and now I am 31 and just starting my orthodontic journey. That's 14 years that have passed, 14 years that I could have already had an improved smile.
Consider this. If you truly want your teeth corrected now then it is unlikely that desire will decrease over time. Parents will always be parents and their opinions are unlikely to change. So it's simply a case of when you decide to tell them that you are getting braces and how long before they accept that you are a grown-up and can make your own decisions.
Parents are never wrong...they're just not always right.
Ice.
Metal uppers May 2, 2006
Metal lowers September 12, 2006
Finally Nekkid July 11, 2007
With braces - pain is gain...
Some things money can't buy.
Thank God great looking teeth aren't one of them.
“But to see her was to love her, Love but her, and love foreverâ€
I teach a college freshman orientation class and there's a quote I'll add to my classes.
In a previous comment someone questioned braces and careers. Let me explain, if you are in a public role such as sales or other position that requires a great deal of personal contact, poor dental care and personal hygiene can make a poor impression. Many people look negatively on individuals with poorly aligned teeth as being less intelligent. If an individual takes the initiative to correct their teeth that negative connotation goes away.
Mike
I love it! As a parent and a child, I believe you're very right.Parents are never wrong...they're just not always right.
Ice
In a previous comment someone questioned braces and careers. Let me explain, if you are in a public role such as sales or other position that requires a great deal of personal contact, poor dental care and personal hygiene can make a poor impression. Many people look negatively on individuals with poorly aligned teeth as being less intelligent. If an individual takes the initiative to correct their teeth that negative connotation goes away.
Mike
I wore braces (this time) for 1294 days or 3 years, 6 months and 17 days.
But who's counting?
Jaw Surgery June 1, 2009
Thanks for praying for me and thinking happy thoughts.
But who's counting?
Jaw Surgery June 1, 2009
Thanks for praying for me and thinking happy thoughts.
Wow, this thread rang so true for me... I have had mine for over a month and my family did not know I got them (except one brother). This weekend I tried to hide, but it was one of the first things my son said when he saw my parents. Oh well, it was inevitable, I was under examination...
I was avoiding them because I knew they would get defensive. And sure enough my mom did (dad was unusually quite). Just like Keith said above, she seemed to project it on herself with expressions like "no one ever told us you needed them" and the classic "your teeth are not that bad". Then she went on about how several people we know have nice teeth... Of course, when I pointed out that they all had braces as a kid I think a light clicked for her and she backed off a bit.
I sensed some guilt, and found myself defending my decision. Yeah, my byte is good, but I have crowding and irregular wear. I want to have nice teeth, is there anything wrong with that?? Once you are over 18 are you no longer allowed to improve yourself??? I think not!
My advice is to thank your parents for caring, but get them. They are for you, not your parents. If you don't, you will probably have regrets and may end up having them even later, say in your 40's...
You will be able to deal with the discomfort, embarrassment, and other issues just as we all have.
Erik
I was avoiding them because I knew they would get defensive. And sure enough my mom did (dad was unusually quite). Just like Keith said above, she seemed to project it on herself with expressions like "no one ever told us you needed them" and the classic "your teeth are not that bad". Then she went on about how several people we know have nice teeth... Of course, when I pointed out that they all had braces as a kid I think a light clicked for her and she backed off a bit.
I sensed some guilt, and found myself defending my decision. Yeah, my byte is good, but I have crowding and irregular wear. I want to have nice teeth, is there anything wrong with that?? Once you are over 18 are you no longer allowed to improve yourself??? I think not!
My advice is to thank your parents for caring, but get them. They are for you, not your parents. If you don't, you will probably have regrets and may end up having them even later, say in your 40's...
You will be able to deal with the discomfort, embarrassment, and other issues just as we all have.Erik
If you have the money and you want it done then do it. I realise it's hard when you face disapproval from those you love. I don't really have anything to add to what everyone else here has said, but I was offered orthodontic treatment (free) at 20 and declined because I would have needed headgear.
Looking back I wish I'd put my personal vanity to one side for a year or so and got it done. I'd have saved myself a stack of money and I wouldn't have been such a complex case to treat as I am now.
Good luck with your decision.
Looking back I wish I'd put my personal vanity to one side for a year or so and got it done. I'd have saved myself a stack of money and I wouldn't have been such a complex case to treat as I am now.
Good luck with your decision.
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turrrtlelove22
- Posts: 510
- Joined: Sat Sep 02, 2006 3:42 pm
I met with some resistance as well. Everyone except my sister with a gap as well, had some adverse negative reaction. It's like if it doesn't benefit them then who cares. I will mention it to my mom every now and then and it's a tsk of the lips and a roll of the eyes. I don't care tho. I'm going through with it anyways. It's my money. And it's not like I'm asking any of them to help pay for it. Although my dad (my parents are divorced) is going to help cuz he said he was. But other than that it's all comin' out of my pocket.
So I would do it and be proud of yourself for making the decision. After all it is your mouth and health. And they should support you for paying for it yourself, that's one more step toward adulthood and showing respondsibilty. GO FOR IT!!! I give you props for doing it while your are young and paying for it yourself...
So I would do it and be proud of yourself for making the decision. After all it is your mouth and health. And they should support you for paying for it yourself, that's one more step toward adulthood and showing respondsibilty. GO FOR IT!!! I give you props for doing it while your are young and paying for it yourself...
LiFe iS A HoOt iF You arE aN oWL...O.o
Sept. 28 ~ Consult with Orthodontist
Dec. 5 ~ Spacers In
Dec. 12 ~ Braces On!!!
Sept. 28 ~ Consult with Orthodontist
Dec. 5 ~ Spacers In
Dec. 12 ~ Braces On!!!
Newbie needing advice
So many people have commented, I think you've gotten a wealth of support already. But I wanted to add my two cents, because I think the whole issue--or all the issues--you raise are important.
Firstly, you are not a minor, but if you were--because you are supporting yourself--you would be an emancipated minor and your parental units would legally have squat to say about it. Although your family has no real financial control over you, they seem to be illicitly attempting to exercise emotional control, which some--including me--might see as emotionally abusive at this point. Still, you're the one who has to face that discordant music. Sometimes, one faces it by not facing it. That is, you limit your visits home and even, if they get really intrusive and make unwelcome comments, you just up and leave. Shortly, they get the message. I know this, because I've had to do it for various reasons. It is uncomfortable, but you are doing yourself, and ultimately the others, a favor. There is a saying that people treat us the way we teach them to treat us; you need to teach them to treat you with respect. Because parents often mistakenly assume that their only responsibilities to their children are providing food, clothing and shelter, it is sometimes difficult to get them to see that, at some point (I would say at all points, but we could debate that), they need to respect their children as independent adults. Your parents are hardly alone in this concept; but again, you're the one who has to initiate and mastermind and support the change. But I, at least, have found that it is worth it.
Then there is the vanity issue. All parents think their children look fine as they are. Actually, in a metaphysical/spiritual sense, all children ARE fine as they are. But we are spiritual beings living a human life. That having been said, there are certain things that can make this human life more rewarding and less difficult. If things are easier, quite frankly, it is easier to develop one's mental/spiritual self. So, if improving your appearance will help you with your self-esteem or just plain help you get the job you want or the life partner you want, or the face in the mirror you want, then spending a little time and trouble on it is certainly a worthwhile use of your time, effort and money. We are not, I don't think, put her on earth to ignore improving the things we can improve. There is, after all, the St. Francis prayer: Give me the strength to change the things I can, the patience to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference. I think you've got that one down pat. And whether you follow any religion at all, the SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM of truth in that statement are found in most philosophical/religious systems. I really almost feel sorry for your mother, that she seems to lack the self-esteem that is so central to happiness, fulfillment and usefulness to self and others. I don't mean to criticize her; so many of us of her generation (and I think she and I are probably contemporaries) caught that disease. Vietnam? Cultural upheaval? I don't know. I only know that it has taken me years to get clear of the 'downers' inherent in the culture of my generation. I applaud you for escaping them; I hope, if you are able to do this thing you so badly want, that it will be an example to your mother to also accept more of the abundant good there is to be had and shared. I think, in the end, she will say, "Here is my beautiful child, even more beautiful than before." She may do it wryly, but your challenge is to accept her way of coping with it, while firmly standing your ground and gently, by example, persuading your family that seeking a better life, more good, more beauty, more health--even at the expense of some trouble, a little pain perhaps, and money--is worth it.
I hope some of what I have written will be helpful to you; if not, it has been offered with love, and all of it is based in my personal life experience. But all our lives are different, and you will come to the perfect conclusion for yourself and your situation, and you will have the strength to support it, whatever it is. Decisions can always be changed; if you decide against it, later may be better. Or even never. If you decide for it, and cannot support the entire effort, you can always stop.
The power to decide it ALWAYS yours, no matter what others say. The US Constitution guarantees citizens the ability to pursue happiness: that pursuit consists in always being able to decide. It may be deciding whether to be happy under an inimical administration, but that is still a decision, and it is still yours. It may be, on a personal level, deciding to ignore unkind comments. (You can always say, "Oh, really?" rather than fight back. For example: "Did you know those braces make you look like you're twelve?" Answer: "You don't say!" And then move on to another topic, like, "So what did you think of that thunderstorm last week?" or anything non-confrontational of your choice.
I think I had better stop. I think you have all the tools you need to do what's best for you, and I applaud your courage in seeking the comments of others, knowing you will weigh them all and come up with the perfect course of action.
Best,
Yeatsmom
Firstly, you are not a minor, but if you were--because you are supporting yourself--you would be an emancipated minor and your parental units would legally have squat to say about it. Although your family has no real financial control over you, they seem to be illicitly attempting to exercise emotional control, which some--including me--might see as emotionally abusive at this point. Still, you're the one who has to face that discordant music. Sometimes, one faces it by not facing it. That is, you limit your visits home and even, if they get really intrusive and make unwelcome comments, you just up and leave. Shortly, they get the message. I know this, because I've had to do it for various reasons. It is uncomfortable, but you are doing yourself, and ultimately the others, a favor. There is a saying that people treat us the way we teach them to treat us; you need to teach them to treat you with respect. Because parents often mistakenly assume that their only responsibilities to their children are providing food, clothing and shelter, it is sometimes difficult to get them to see that, at some point (I would say at all points, but we could debate that), they need to respect their children as independent adults. Your parents are hardly alone in this concept; but again, you're the one who has to initiate and mastermind and support the change. But I, at least, have found that it is worth it.
Then there is the vanity issue. All parents think their children look fine as they are. Actually, in a metaphysical/spiritual sense, all children ARE fine as they are. But we are spiritual beings living a human life. That having been said, there are certain things that can make this human life more rewarding and less difficult. If things are easier, quite frankly, it is easier to develop one's mental/spiritual self. So, if improving your appearance will help you with your self-esteem or just plain help you get the job you want or the life partner you want, or the face in the mirror you want, then spending a little time and trouble on it is certainly a worthwhile use of your time, effort and money. We are not, I don't think, put her on earth to ignore improving the things we can improve. There is, after all, the St. Francis prayer: Give me the strength to change the things I can, the patience to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference. I think you've got that one down pat. And whether you follow any religion at all, the SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM of truth in that statement are found in most philosophical/religious systems. I really almost feel sorry for your mother, that she seems to lack the self-esteem that is so central to happiness, fulfillment and usefulness to self and others. I don't mean to criticize her; so many of us of her generation (and I think she and I are probably contemporaries) caught that disease. Vietnam? Cultural upheaval? I don't know. I only know that it has taken me years to get clear of the 'downers' inherent in the culture of my generation. I applaud you for escaping them; I hope, if you are able to do this thing you so badly want, that it will be an example to your mother to also accept more of the abundant good there is to be had and shared. I think, in the end, she will say, "Here is my beautiful child, even more beautiful than before." She may do it wryly, but your challenge is to accept her way of coping with it, while firmly standing your ground and gently, by example, persuading your family that seeking a better life, more good, more beauty, more health--even at the expense of some trouble, a little pain perhaps, and money--is worth it.
I hope some of what I have written will be helpful to you; if not, it has been offered with love, and all of it is based in my personal life experience. But all our lives are different, and you will come to the perfect conclusion for yourself and your situation, and you will have the strength to support it, whatever it is. Decisions can always be changed; if you decide against it, later may be better. Or even never. If you decide for it, and cannot support the entire effort, you can always stop.
The power to decide it ALWAYS yours, no matter what others say. The US Constitution guarantees citizens the ability to pursue happiness: that pursuit consists in always being able to decide. It may be deciding whether to be happy under an inimical administration, but that is still a decision, and it is still yours. It may be, on a personal level, deciding to ignore unkind comments. (You can always say, "Oh, really?" rather than fight back. For example: "Did you know those braces make you look like you're twelve?" Answer: "You don't say!" And then move on to another topic, like, "So what did you think of that thunderstorm last week?" or anything non-confrontational of your choice.
I think I had better stop. I think you have all the tools you need to do what's best for you, and I applaud your courage in seeking the comments of others, knowing you will weigh them all and come up with the perfect course of action.
Best,
Yeatsmom
Hey I just read your reply and I think you should get them too. I'm also 19 and a university student. Although my parents aren't against my idea of getting braces (they were just put in this past Tuesday!), my family isn't in that good of a financial situation, and I'm going to have to pay for them myself as well. What worse is, unlike you, I don't get any kind of support from insurance or whatever. I'm depending on the salary that I earn from working three jobs. :\
Good luck and I hope you make your decision soon. I still regret not getting them when I was younger back in middle school.. I remember that a guy in my class even said that I should get them because some guys don't like girls with misaligned teeth haha (my teeth were - and currently still are - REALLY crowded.. until my braces work their magic anyway). Thankfully that was back in 8th grade, and I haven't had any problems with my relationships. : P
Good luck and I hope you make your decision soon. I still regret not getting them when I was younger back in middle school.. I remember that a guy in my class even said that I should get them because some guys don't like girls with misaligned teeth haha (my teeth were - and currently still are - REALLY crowded.. until my braces work their magic anyway). Thankfully that was back in 8th grade, and I haven't had any problems with my relationships. : P
I TOTALLY understand, my mom was the same way, as she has been my whole life about braces which is why I'm older and had to get them b/c she refused to let me have them growing up, and it wasn't a money issue...BUT do it while you have your dad's insurance, trust me!!! And now that I have them, she doesn't really say anything...like it's kind of a done deal so why should she keep making comments...and now I'm almost a year through my experience and my teeth are straight and I'm glad I did it--the time flew!
Good luck, I understand how painful and sad it can feel to not be supported in something which is difficult already!
*aka
Good luck, I understand how painful and sad it can feel to not be supported in something which is difficult already!
*aka
I must say I'm impressed with the response this question has raised. If I ever questioned the value of being a part of this group, the thought and care many of you have brought to this discussion reaffirms the esteem I have for this group.
Mike
Mike
I wore braces (this time) for 1294 days or 3 years, 6 months and 17 days.
But who's counting?
Jaw Surgery June 1, 2009
Thanks for praying for me and thinking happy thoughts.
But who's counting?
Jaw Surgery June 1, 2009
Thanks for praying for me and thinking happy thoughts.
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thesallymonster
- Posts: 109
- Joined: Tue Nov 28, 2006 8:05 pm
- Location: Portland, OR
- Contact:
All right, I took you guy's advice and I just made an appointment for another free consultation, so I can get a second opinion. I figure, it can't hurt, right?
I want to thank you all again for all the wonderful advice and support. I really appreciate it, and now I'm more motivated than ever to "rebel" and take the plunge into orthodontic treatment.
Alas, it'll have to be a little while longer, though, I'll be visiting my family through the holiday season, and they live three hours away. Plus as I sort of mentioned before, while I'm in my parent's town I'm going to visit the family dentist and get a clean bill of oral health before making the commitment to braces, as I don't want any preventable complications during treatment!
I want to thank you all again for all the wonderful advice and support. I really appreciate it, and now I'm more motivated than ever to "rebel" and take the plunge into orthodontic treatment.
Alas, it'll have to be a little while longer, though, I'll be visiting my family through the holiday season, and they live three hours away. Plus as I sort of mentioned before, while I'm in my parent's town I'm going to visit the family dentist and get a clean bill of oral health before making the commitment to braces, as I don't want any preventable complications during treatment!
Congrats on making that other appt. My story is the same as yours, my parents don't think I need them and said they wouldn't pay, so I'm paying myself. Funny thing is I'm getting them put on Dec. 12th and I'm just going to go home for Xmas break and see how long it takes them to notice them (ceramic). I didn't tell them I was gonna go through with it yet, so I can't wait to see their reaction!
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thesallymonster
- Posts: 109
- Joined: Tue Nov 28, 2006 8:05 pm
- Location: Portland, OR
- Contact: