What Happens When You Meet Other Adults in Braces?

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#31 Post by **Marzipan** » Fri Mar 24, 2006 12:37 pm

Yes, I've seen some other adults out there with braces. I usually exchange a nice big grin. I feel like we are compatriots or something. :D

If I had a broken leg and was hobbling around on crutches, I'd do the same thing if I saw someone else on crutches. Kind of like "we're in the same boat." Now if I'm NOT on crutches, I'm not going to ask someone about why they are using crutches unless it's a close friend. Not polite.

But I do not mind at all if someone wants to talk braces with me. The point is to improve one's appearance and it's a positive thing, and just as I might compliment an acquaintance on a groovy new hair color, even after the braces are off if I see someone with them and the setting is right, I could see myself saying, "Cool, you have braces. I got mine off about a year ago."

#32 Post by **paw655** » Fri Mar 24, 2006 5:36 pm

And now for my "go ahead, say what you want" comment:

Braces are NOT always for appearances. My teeth, to the observer, are perfectly straight and aligned. In fact, the assistant who took the impressions asked why I was getting braces because my teeth were so pretty.

The bottom line: because of a Class III occlusion, and being a grinder, I have worn down over 30% of the surface of my teeth (at least 10, top and bottom, maybe more) and am almost exposing dentin. I was advised by an oral surgeon and two orthodontists that my options were braces to realign my malocclusion/bite so I don't do any more damage, and be able to choose reconstruction or not, or get at least 10-15 crowns covering my upper and lower front teeth at around $1,500-2,000/per crown. However, because of the malocclusion and the grinding (which is day and night), I'll just start wearing down the crowns, so I'll just be shelling money out again. Or I do nothing and realistically start having serious pain in a few years (minor pain now) and losing my teeth in what could be as short as 5-10 years.

Maybe because I'm not getting braced to enhance my appearance, this endeavor is very serious and "private." If I have braces, that means there is some clinical condition warranting correction - maybe it is something I'm comfortable talking about but maybe not. I would not be comfortable with someone coming up to me and trying to "connect with me" just because we are the same race or because we had the same dental procedure.

#33 Post by **jennielee81** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 3:10 pm

I GOT IT!!!

The perfect thing to say to someone in braces.....

"Your teeth look GREAT!"

I realized today that several people have said that to me in the past year and it has been an uplifting complement.

Try that and see what happens

#34 Post by **JoeMama** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 4:18 pm

Anticipator wrote:Wow, I'm really surprised by the sensitivity of some of the people on here.

I usually get excited when I meet another adult in braces.

Couldn't agree more. If someone mentions your braces, especially another adult in braces, it is probably their way of trying to relate and/or sympathize with what you're (both) going through. To accuse that person of being rude is a bigger statement on your own lack of grace, self-esteem, or whatever. If you don't want to talk about your braces with that person, then just politely tell them that.

#35 Post by **paw655** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 4:53 pm

JoeMama wrote:
Anticipator wrote:Wow, I'm really surprised by the sensitivity of some of the people on here.

I usually get excited when I meet another adult in braces.
Couldn't agree more. If someone mentions your braces, especially another adult in braces, it is probably their way of trying to relate and/or sympathize with what you're (both) going through. To accuse that person of being rude is a bigger statement on your own lack of grace, self-esteem, or whatever. If you don't want to talk about your braces with that person, then just politely tell them that.

Seeing as I have been one of the few who have posted against commenting to others, I would like to respond to this comment. Speaking for myself, and myself only, I have NEVER accused anyone who brought braces up (or similar) of being rude, nor have I ever discussed anyone's intentions or motives in bringing up braces, since there's no way to know what those are without asking the person. The reality is that we are all different, and some people like talking about their body with a total stranger, and some people don't. For many people, it may never have dawned on them that other people may not like talking about their body with a stranger, so I think having fair discourse on why people may feel one way or the other can be educational to all of us.

There is a huge difference between "accusing" someone of being rude - which means actually stating/charging them with something, as opposed to just feeling frustrated or bothered by something someone did. The latter is just a feeling, and we are all entitled to them, and there's no "lack of grace" in having a feeling.

#36 Post by **Anticipator** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 7:03 pm

paw655 wrote:
JoeMama wrote:
Anticipator wrote:Wow, I'm really surprised by the sensitivity of some of the people on here.

I usually get excited when I meet another adult in braces.
Couldn't agree more. If someone mentions your braces, especially another adult in braces, it is probably their way of trying to relate and/or sympathize with what you're (both) going through. To accuse that person of being rude is a bigger statement on your own lack of grace, self-esteem, or whatever. If you don't want to talk about your braces with that person, then just politely tell them that.
Seeing as I have been one of the few who have posted against commenting to others, I would like to respond to this comment. Speaking for myself, and myself only, I have NEVER accused anyone who brought braces up (or similar) of being rude, nor have I ever discussed anyone's intentions or motives in bringing up braces, since there's no way to know what those are without asking the person. The reality is that we are all different, and some people like talking about their body with a total stranger, and some people don't. For many people, it may never have dawned on them that other people may not like talking about their body with a stranger, so I think having fair discourse on why people may feel one way or the other can be educational to all of us.

There is a huge difference between "accusing" someone of being rude - which means actually stating/charging them with something, as opposed to just feeling frustrated or bothered by something someone did. The latter is just a feeling, and we are all entitled to them, and there's no "lack of grace" in having a feeling.

Again, I can totally understand not wanting someone to approach you on a subject you may feel is too personal, but for me at least, if the person is in a similar situation it doesn't feel as threatening and invasive.

If someone were to randomly question my braces without giving a justifiable disclaimer (current, past, or future orthodontic patient) I'd probably feel a little apprehensive. The fact that someone else is undergoing the same treatment though makes all the difference. My braces don't have to be the focus of attention, it's a shared focus between myself, the other patient, and orthodontics in general. They are offering (in theory) themselves and their treatment as a potential for conversation.

More importantly though, IMHO, if you're wearing something as conspicuous as braces on your teeth, most people are going to be aware that you're fixing some sort of dental issue. It doesn't seem that big a deal for someone to acknowledge it, especially since it's likely not that debilitating or permanent. And as jennielee81 said, if it's positive feedback, I'll probably be even more receptive to it.

#37 Post by **jcdamon3** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 7:37 pm

I just realized I forgot about one woman (my age) who commented on my braces. She has just gotten out of braces and she had her retainers on. They were gold. Quite pretty! I was not at all offended. In fact it fazed me so little I had forgotten all about it. Not like someone coming up to me and saying, "gee, I noticed you have 'junk in the trunk'". Rather it was like someone coming up to me and saying something like, "oh I like your shoes, where'd ya get them?"

Paw - seriously you may want to think about getting lingual braces if you think you are going to be really sensitive about this. You really don't want to be miserable for 2 years.

Paw - I am like you. I did not really get braces for the looks thing. I grind my teeth and have nearly ruined them- yes right in front! I actually took some pictures today for the first time with my digital camera and I was so freaked out about them and embarrased that I will probably not post them, ever. I had previously said that I will not get bonding, but now after looking at my damaged teeth through a camera lense I will reconsider. And now I am cursing my dentist just a little bit for not being adamant about me doing something about my grinding. I just didn't realize how bad it was. It is WAY more obvious now that my crowded teeth are straightening out.

So I am self conscious and sensitive , but not to the point that I would be embarrased if someone commented to me. To me it is all positive. "It's all good!".

It is good because I am fixing my teeth before they are totally ruined and thank God they have ways of building the teeth back up with bonding/crowns/veneers. We are very lucky the technology is here to help us.

#38 Post by **paw655** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 8:08 pm

I'm sorry, but when did I say I was embarrassed about braces?

I am getting full metal, no ceramic, no invisalign, just plain metal upper and lower. And I have absolutely no problems with my appearance, with or without braces.

To tell you the truth, it has taken a lot of restraint not to post on the various threads where people say they won't smile because of braces. That defies my imagination, but guys, I have never, ever placed a value judgement on someone who, for whatever reason, is not secure in smiling with braces. We're all different, and I respect that. I lived a full life in braces before, and I'll do it again - to me it's a no-brainer. It's not up to me to tell them they are wrong for being embarrassed, embarassment is a feeling and they can have whatever feeling they want. I would hope for their sake that they would get counseling to work on the self esteem issues, but that's not for me to say.

So why can't I prefer not to TALK about my braces. I'm not hiding them, but I am not particularly interested in talking about them either. To me they are a part of my body. I certainly wouldn't want another woman to come up to me and start talking about my bre*sts, so why can't I say I'd rather not talk about my teeth? I mean, let's get real, the bre*sts stick out way more than the braces ever will, but it's OK for them to be off limits.
I have my boundaries, you have yours, neither boundary is right or wrong, so can't we respect each other for the fact that we may have differences?

AKW

#39 Post by **Anticipator** » Sun Mar 26, 2006 10:17 am

paw655 wrote:So why can't I prefer not to TALK about my braces. I'm not hiding them, but I am not particularly interested in talking about them either.

That seems contradictory to all of your actions here on this board.

#40 Post by **paw655** » Sun Mar 26, 2006 3:25 pm

Talk about them TO STRANGERS, not meaning in a forum I opted to go in (but really wonder why...) to talk about them.

What I find interesting is that I have enough pride and self confidence in my appearance not to "hide" my braces by getting ceramic upppers, as it seems most adults do. I have nothing to hide, and no need to hide anything.

However, it seems lots of adults do, but just because I don't like to discuss braces with strangers, I seem to be vilified. What about setting an example for kids who get full metal all the time...

#41 Post by **Flora2006** » Sun Mar 26, 2006 3:43 pm

Same here, I actually love talking about braces on this board because you learn so much and you are talking to a group of people that are going through the same thing...but talking about braces face to face...I just can't do it. Maybe one day when I am more used to the braces I won't mind talking about them face to face but right now...this website is the only place where I will talk about them

#42 Post by **JumpTheDitch** » Sun Mar 26, 2006 6:19 pm

I'd just like to say not all adults "hide" behind ceramic braces.
I have full upper and lower metals.

My choice.
Not a choice about "setting an example for the kids that get full metal all the time". Frankly that's their business, my braces are my business.

Also my choice not to belittle or vilify those that choose ceramics for whatever reason. For one thing I actually happen to quite like the look of coloured ligs on ceramics/sapphires.

Whatever option people choose I applaud their decision to be proactive in their dental health and self-esteem.

I enjoy this forum; the sharing of common experiences, pooling knowledge gained, and offering whatever support I can if someone's having a tough time. If I had ceramics I might have been offended by that barbed comment.

*sigh* Why try to offend people?

#43 Post by **paw655** » Sun Mar 26, 2006 6:36 pm

Considering the nature of the comments many (but certainly not all!) people make to me, I thought offending people was an "occupational hazard" one had to expect here.

I have no problems if you are offended by the comment. I made it because of the 3 orthos I went to, all 3 pushed ceramics upper to be "less noticeable" and "better for adults so it is less obvious they have braces." I mean, the ortho community is pushing the idea of ceramics to be less obvious, so it's not just me.

#44 Post by **paw655** » Sun Mar 26, 2006 7:56 pm

I am not going to explain my comment for the third time. Interpret it however you want.

And people think I am sensitive?

#45 Post by **BlueeyedManda** » Sun Mar 26, 2006 9:02 pm

I have ceramics and I am not anywhere near self conscience about them. I choose them for my own reasons.
I think that jumptheditch sums it up perfectly you should not look at the reason a person choose the type of braces they did, you should be happy they had the courage to go through this process.
So what if some people are self-conscience and others like to show off their braces, this is what makes this board a great place to be a part of. I can come here when I am having a good day or a bad day and I know that I have friends here no matter what. If we all had the same type of braces or we were all happy about it we wouldn't have as much advice to give or we wouldn't have the questions we do.
Most orthos do push the ceramics issue because alot of adults do choose ceramics due to their work enviroments, even if they are not selfconscience they want to be taken seriously in a professional setting. Let's face it some non-braced adults do not understand why we choose to go through treatment so they may not be as readily accepting as others.
My ortho did not push ceramics or invisalign, he asked me what I feel I would like to go with. I work with a guy in his late 30's who wears all metals and he enjoys it. I have all ceramics, I enjoy it.
As for setting an example for the kids...what is that? I have seen some teens wearing ceramics, but generally orthos use metals on kids because ceramics are harder on teeth and kids are into sports, and other activities. Plus most kids enjoy metals for the colors.