family support

[chops]

hey everyone!

reading everyones' stories has been great, keep them coming! though they do bring up different theories of why I didn't get them at a younger age when I did get other ortho treatment, its still comforting to hear what you guys are going through.

all I really want is for my parents to understand. I don't care that htye don't pay for it (nor did I really ask them to, now that I"m in my early 20's), I just wanted them treat my getting braces as a real matter, a matter that was and is important to me. but their lack of interest and the "you're going to regret it" feeling I get from them is what I face instead.

I'm so glad that at this age I took the initiative and figured out that I could actually do all this on my own. Unfortunately after being braced (a few days ago)...their lack of interest in my endeavour has gotten me in the dumps and had led me to start this post. I feel like I just gotta let this one go because these days my parents don't really seem interested in my overall well being anyways....of course they are "interested", but whenever they show it, it is in the form of questions about school, work prospects, things like that. never just a simple "how are you?", which is what I really rather hear.

[ssfw]

It kind of makes me sad to hear about your relationship (maybe that's not the right word??) with your parents. As you get older, you may have the same attitude as me - don't dwell on what you don't have, but be thankful for what you do have. From reading your posts, you seem to be an intelligent person that took the initiative to begin orthodontic treatment and will be able to pay for it yourself - you're young, I wish I had done this at your age. I know as you see changes to your teeth due to the ortho treatment you will be so happy that you made the decision to move forward on this journey. You will probably gain more self-confidence too.

As mentioned in one of the replies, the person said sometimes it's best not to tell your parents everything, especially if you are seeking support/happiness from them and there's a chance you may not get it. I know you were not looking for approval from your parents because you had already made your decision to get braces but a little support would have been nice. Keep in mind that you can write to us at Archwired anytime and I know you will find so much support from us.

Take Care!

ssfw

[Jesslzz 01]

Hi chops,

It is sad to look out for interest and understanding from your parents and not getting it...I have been there. Just when I was your age (I'm 29 now).

Sometimes parents, regarding their age, are fixed in a way of feeling, seeing and facing things. It is like a pair of dark sunglasses they can't take off.
I would recommend to you to not care about their lack of interest, think of it as their wrong, fixed and twisted way of seeing things. And when you finish your treatment, you will end up showing them how wrong they were. (I did that by choosing a career they didn't approved because they thought I would never have a decent job. I prove them wrong by doing what I felt and now I have a great job. They couldn't believe it)

It took me years of patient conversations to make my mom finally understand me and my decisions. I could never get that from my dad even though I've tried, we are almost like strangers now. I still can't forgive them in a lot of matters, but I'm moving on.

Be patient but reach out for support whenever you need it from friends, other family, this board...we are here for you!

[SueFromNJ]

I quoted most of your post, SueFromNJ, since I feel exactly the same as you do here. It was like reading my story, almost the same...I was .
I still feel anger about my parents' way of facing this...in my case, they didn't have the money to pay for the treatment, I know, but they didn't give the matter ANY importance at all, either. That was the worst. If they had at least talked to me about it, or give me hope that I would, someday, be able to fix my smile it would be very easy to me to face all the feelings I grew up with. It was as you said "MY problem", I can totally relate to that.

I'm on my way of getting braced, hopefully in January. Even though now my mom is very supportive on everything I'm planning to do, I still feel that I can't forgive their irresponsibility. Yes, I think it was very cruel, as you said, to leave me grow through all those traumatic years with an awful smile. That was a terrible blow to my self esteem, I'm working twice hard now to build it again.

If I would received treatment when I was 13, I would only had to wear a retainer for a year or so, my ortho said. Now I'm 29 and I need to have 4 extractions and be fully braced for two to three years.

This explain my anger, I have a hard time trying to forgive them. They caused me such a lot of problems just for not taking proper care of things.
Sorry for the loooong post, writing this has been therapeutical for me. Thanks for sharing your story, made me feel good to find someone with a very similar experience.

If I ever have kids, they will all be treated in time, I swear!!! Congratulations on your new smile, you deserve it!!!

Wow!!! I can't believe others have felt the same way towards their parents! Thanks for responding! I even got a couple of nice PMs, too!

I always thought I was the only one in the world who would look at my parents and wonder why they left me to grow up intentionally unattractive, when it could have all been avoided! For over 20 years I had a horrible smile, and why?? Like it was my destiny to look terrible? Unlike some here, my parents actually had money to fix my smile - nowadays they are retired with a very nice nest egg, while I couldn't get through a job interview without noticing the interviewer looking at my mouth funny, and probably wondering what the heck was wrong with me!

Like others, if I had treatment as a child, it would have been far cheaper and easier. Instead, I had eight teeth pulled, and now braces for almost three years (probably going well over three years by time I get them off!). My bone has been damaged by my braces, and root reabsorption has taken place, so my teeth have to be splinted together after the braces (whatever that means!) as the only way to save them. So there was a price to pay for a new smile as an adult.

To poster Missing_tooth: I had extraction surgery of 8 teeth, so no bone grafting, but I have bone loss so I don't know what it will mean down the line!! Just paying for extractions was expensive enough!

As NotBob1 wrote, look at sucessful people. They almost always have straight, pretty teeth. Can't deny it. Straight teeth tell the world you are a person of "quality". When your own parents refuse to fix your crooked teeth, what kind of message does that send to the child about their worth? Why my parents chose to stick their heads in the sand and REFUSE year after year to get me a nice smile, I will never understand. Even today, they still see nothing wrong with letting me grow up that way.

But cheers to all of us here who are getting ourselves a great smile! And I agree - if I had kids, they will be getting braces at the first sign of trouble, no doubt about it!

[Destor]

I feel some resentment towards my parents for not getting braces when they had the chance, but can't really blame them. They came from a generation where tooth care wasn't important at all. We didn't go to an orthodontist to get a consultation, just relied on the word of the family dentist, not even sure if they knew what an Orthodontist was back then. I'll never forget that they didn't get them, probobly mention it in 10 or 20 years, but do I hold it against them, no.

As for my kids in the future, they'll be examined and have braces as early as humanly possible, no question about that. There's no way they're going through what we have, unnessecarily putting up with bad teeth.