Not getting support from family

[mominbraces]

Hi everyone,

I commented last week about needing bite turbos,
and my orthodontist's frustration with my slow
progress (I have been braced 21 months).
I mentioned this stuff to my sister (a physician),
with whom I have always had a close and supportive
relationship. From the start, my family of
origin (siblings and father) looked upon my
orthodontic venture as a middle-aged folly
(they thought I looked fine without it),
but were for the most part supportive. In
the wake the bite turbo development, and
the orthodontist's comments ("I've never been
so frustrated by an adult case before"), my
sister exploded, and said I should get out
of this. She felt that nobody should have to
tolerate all the devices, appliances, pain,
and just plain awkwardness and annoyance that
I have dealt with for nearly 2 years. She fears
my ortho might never be able to deliver.

Up until now I had taken most of my setbacks
in stride, since we all know that adult orthodontia
is slower, less predictable, more challenging, etc.
Also, what choice do have unless I want to go
through life with large extraction gaps and a
trashed-up bite? While I would prefer that my
orhodontist keep his frustration to himself and
be upbeat with me (as he he insists I be with him),
I think he is very competent, doing the best that
he can, and he tries to accomodate me when
possible. (For instance he is multitasking on opening
my bite and closing the upper extraction gaps,
tasks he would ordinarily do in sequence but he
knows how much I hate those gaps). I don't have
the time to tutor my sister in the reality of adult
orthodontia (she had braces as a teenager). Part
of me is resigned to having my family simply not
understand -but the other part of me is worried
they may be right, that I'll either be in braces for
years longer, or settling for less. I will probably be
advised to talk to my ortho about my feelings, but
I don't want to go there. He's not the hand-holding
type, and if he feels I am losing confidence
in him and the process he might sooner fire ME.

[iBorg]

Family support is a wonderful thing that I'm sure many of us could use more of. With that being said, what have you gained in the process? Is your smile better than you started? Have you noticed improvement in bite function? Are YOU happier about where you are in this process?

Have you religiously followed your ortho's instructions? Failing to wear elastics as prescribed or missing appointments would make you the culprit in this matter not your ortho.

I understand your frustration. You're at a point you want something positive to happen or reassurance that this is the right thing. Since you've already said you don't want to talk to your ortho, I'd talk to my general dentist. He should have X-rays that he can compare from beginning to now. Maybe he can reassure you that this is going in the right direction.

Failing that, ask your general dentist to arrange a consult with another ortho and ask about transferring your case. You seem to have lost confidence in your current ortho as well as yourself. I know my treatment has taken several detours and my 16-24 month plan is now 36 months or longer (DID I JUST SAY THAT!) but I still have tremendous faith in my ortho. Maybe a new perspective would be good.

Good Luck!

Mike

[lilblackdress]

Well, you have several options.

For one, you can have a sit down appointment with your ortho and ask him for an honest assessment of how your treatment is progressing.

Obviously, things are going slower than anticipated, but exactly how much slower is your treatment going? If your initial treatment was anticipated to last for a year or two, but it turns out it may be 3 or 4 years before you're done, then you certainly have something to think about.

It may be that he will be unable to correct everything and you'll have to settle for a compromised result. If everything can be corrected, then you need to find out (best estimate) how long it will be. If the time period is simply too long, then maybe you should cut your losses and end treatment. Remember that ending treatment needs to be your decision, not your sister's. It's your mouth and you have to live with your final decision.

You could also seek a second opinion from another orthodontist. This may cost you some money, but if it leads to peace of mind, then it may be worth it. I know that doctors usually don't treat anyone who is already in treatment - I'm not sure if this goes for consultations and 2nd opinions as well.

-lilblackdress

[ohmyjaw]

I am on my second round of orthodontics. The first time, when I was a kid, I had an ortho who never seemed to be really sure about what he should do with my teeth. It was a lot of "try this, try that." My parents and I put our trust in him, but finally, after a couple of years, we woke up to the fact that my teeth were not getting any straighter and we were just wasting our time.

Now I am in treatment as an adult, and the experience is completely different. My ortho is always sure about what he is doing, he has kept me informed, and were are bascially "on schedule."

If your ortho appears to be continuously frustrated, it might be cause for concern. That is not to say that sometimes things don't go as planned, but if you have been braced for 21 months and there is no end in sight...I dunno, I would get a second opinion.

And on the matter of family support, I just wanted to say, you are not alone. My family doesn't really get it, either. I had to have jaw surgery, and they all thought I was a bit crazy for volunteering to have my jaw sliced open, but I went for it anyways. It's my life!

[iBorg]

I'd like to add to what I said previously. My extension of treatment is a result of wanting to enhance my smile and making room for implants to replace pre molars from my first not so good round of ortho some 25 years ago. Dr. P said to me whan I asked about it that it would add at least a year to my treatment. She asked me to consider surgery. Based upon how much better my TMJ feels with my lower jaw pulled back, its a good decision. That detour also will add time.

The detours aren't due to bad work on the part of Dr. P. Its a result of the patient raising the bar from good to perfection.

Mike

[ohmyjaw]

Good point Mike - if your treatment is taking longer than planned, but there's a valid reason, then you just have to stick it out. Just make sure you recognize the difference between that type of situation and treatment that is going round in circles.

[bracesafter40]

patience I say...
We are all different, so our treatment time wil vary; remember that the treatment times are estimates.
Family support is interesting; I talk to my family all the time and they never ask me how my treatment is going, but that is O.K. it does not phase me. I am sure that ur not the only patient who is having slow progress.
Talk to the Ortho, let him know how you feel, let him know ur open to other treatments and just hang in there...
Good Luck.
Hey you got lots of support here if no one else will listen...

[mominbraces]

Thanks to everyone for weighing in. So I saw the
ortho yesterday, and got the bite turbos placed.
They're pretty unpleasant, but I'll survive. I talked
to him about my frustrations, and asked for a
roadmap. He said I should progress much faster
with the bite turbos, and he plans to have me of
braces by the end of the summer. That is only 6
months longer than the original 2-year projection,
and about what he said to expect in the way of
delays after he decided to extract (about 2
months into my treatment). He did say that
my ceramic brackets are creating alot of friction
for the archwires, and warned me of the possibility
of replacing them with metal brackets. But now is
the time to be optimistic, so I may as well be optimistic!

[berries]

Hi, mominbraces. Sorry to hear about the lack of support you've had from your family of origin.

My comment may be totally off-base, but ... I also am a mom in braces, and I've noticed that my own mother cannot feign even the slightest interest in my braces. The few times I've mentioned them, she completely shuts down and becomes a wall, as if she can't even hear me speak. In her case, the reason why seemed obvious to me right away: she totally blew it when I was a kid by not getting braces for me (long story), and the fact that I'm now in my thirties and finally got them myself is something she unconsciously experiences as a criticism of her and my father. So maybe that doesn't apply to your family at all, but I thought I'd mention it.

[mominbraces]

My comment may be totally off-base, but ... I also am a mom in braces, and I've noticed that my own mother cannot feign even the slightest interest in my braces. In her case, the reason why seemed obvious to me right away: she totally blew it when I was a kid by not getting braces for me (long story), and the fact that I'm now in my thirties and finally got them myself is something she unconsciously experiences as a criticism of her and my father.

Yes, there is some of that going on with my family.
It's a long story, but I was in fact braced very
briefly when I was 14 years old while my family
was living overseas. The quality of the orthodontia
was very primitive, and upon learning that I would need
4 teeth extracted my parents just pulled me out of
the program. They felt that braces for me were
purely cosmetic, not justifying the loss of 4
healthy teeth. (Apparently the orthodontist
downplayed the risks associated with
all the overcrowding.) My younger sisters, who
had large and unsightly overjets, stayed in the
foreign orthodontic program for 3 years, only
to be told upon the family's return to the US
that their orthodontia had been a complete
waste of time. The younger girls were then
rebraced American-style, but by then I was out
of the house, still overseas, without access to
(or a perceived need for) quality orthodontia.