I have just completed $7k worth of dental treatment over the past 2.5 months. I had 2 root canals and 2 crowns, 5 cavities filled, and 7 sealants. Unfortunately, my parents neglected my dental health and only took me to the dentist once when I was a kid at 11 years old. I'm 23 now. So I did go 12 years without seeing a dentist--no cleaning, nothing. I would have gone as an adult but didn't because I wasn't used to going to the dentist and I developed a fear/phobia of dentists. I have to take Ativan every time I go to the dentist now. Several months ago one of my back molars (tooth #2) cracked, which prompted my recent (3 months ago) dental visit. My parents are the type that believe you only seek dental treatment when you're in pain--I guess they've never heard of something called preventative care. I never had tooth aches or pain growing up so they didn't take me except that once. My parents would wait until their own teeth abcessed or caused severe pain before visiting the dentist. We/they didn't have a regular dentist so for an emergency they'd find a dentist in the phone book, call them up, and go in and get the tooth pulled and never visit that dentist again. Now my dad has dentures (he went to Mexico to have them pulled out) and my mom has had 5 teeth extracted. I am horrified that I was raised by parents who viewed teeth as optional or expendable. I can't help but resent them now, because if they took me regularly when I was a kid (we had dental insurance, never used it though!) I wouldn't have had to go through all of those treatments. Sure, the problems were fixable, but still the fact is that teeth that are filled are weaker than non-filled teeth, and I will have to replace those crowns down the line. It's not that uncommon for people my age to have had no cavities. I might have been one of those people if I had regular treatment. I'm not trying to complain (I mean, they did pay for the huge dental bill) but still...
Anyway, I managed to survive to adulthood with all my teeth intact. All 29 (1 wisdom) of them. My teeth are severely crooked and crowded and I have a tooth on top of a tooth which is very noticeable when I smile because it's right next to my front teeth. The midline on both lower and upper arches is very off. I have scheduled 2 consultations, one at a dental school and another at a private orthodontic practice. I have mixed feelings about getting braces. I need to straighten my teeth--they are really crooked. I'm just really resentful toward my parents for not taking care of this much sooner when I was a teenager. I'm going to be graduating college this year and am going to have to go look for a job with metal on my teeth--I'm not a candidate for Invisalign. Also, I'm just really worried that my parents might back out of paying for treatment when they find out how much it's going to cost. I don't have the money for it at all; I have my own school loan debt so there is no way I could afford to do this for years if they renege on their promise. That's a real possibility, that they'll back down. They told me as a teenager that they were going to get my teeth fixed one day. I've been hearing it for years now, that phrase "one day." So I have a very real claim when I say they owe this to me. Well, that day is getting closer and closer because I'm actually going in for consulations the first week of April. It's just really frustrating because my parents have this attitude that braces are cosmetic, for wealthy people, etc. and that as long as I have teeth, then I shouldn't complain. They said that my concerns about finding a job with bad teeth are blown out of proportion, and that employers don't judge people on their teeth, and it won't affect the chances of my getting a job at all.
I'm going to start going to the dentist regularly from now on. My mouth is in a healthy state now, free of cavities, etc. but will an orthodontist refuse to put braces on my teeth because I don't have an established history of seeking regular dental care? Like I said, my first visit in 12 years was back in January. I'm worried about this. I don't want treatment to be delayed or denied because of my lack of dental care in the past.
resent towards parents for not getting me braces earlier
Moderator: bbsadmin
Yeah, I actually do feel better after my little rant. But I think I have a reason to feel resentment. How would you feel if your parents neglected to take you to the dentist when you were younger? This is pretty basic stuff, it's not like I'm complaining that my parents never bought me a new car or designer clothes or took me on expensive vacations. We weren't poor; I know they could have afforded basic dental care and braces. The fact is too that most parents do get their kids dental care and orthodontics is common these days. It was very difficult for me, as a kid (and today) to see other people with braces and getting compliments on their straight teeth while I couldn't smile because people would inevitably point out my "fang" tooth or ask me why I/my parents wouldnt't get my teeth fixed. The whole "getting braces" thing has just brought my resentment toward my parents to the surface. I can't help but feel they didn't care about my wellbeing when I was younger and that's hard to let go of.theKurp wrote:Feel better?
I hope so because nothing else positive will come from your attitude.
You're 23. Part of being an adult is recognizing that resentment over the past serves no other purpose than feeding on negativity to the detriment of your well-being.
Let it go.
Hey, I'm 20 years old and I can relate to your feelings of resentment towards your parents because I felt like that too. My parents did a lot for me growing up but dental care was something that wasn't emphasized for some reason. I remember going to the dentist when I was in elementary school but after that, it was years before I went to the dentist. When I finally scheduled an appointment with a local dentist, my mouth needed quite a few cavities filled and one root canal. It sucked! Like you, I know people my age who have never had a cavity and when I hear that, I feel kind of gross that I have needed so much work done to my teeth at a young age. But you know what? I CAN CHANGE THAT! Which is why I finally got braces.
As much as it may not be the ideal situation to have braces at our age, better now than even later. I did the whole "what if I had gotten braces when I was younger" thing but all it did was make me mad and upset. I'm not going to lie to you; I still do get a little annoyed that my parents didn't get me braces when I was younger, but I accept that there's nothing I can do about it -- except take my experience and use that as a mental note to get my future children braces one day. haha. You can't rewind time so your best bet is to let the past go and accept that NOW you have healthier teeth, and the option of getting braces.
The orthodontist will not deny you treatment because you didn't consistently go to the dentist growing up. As long as your teeth are in good shape now and will continue to take care of them (brush/floss), you are a candidate for orthodontic treatment. I hope that your consultations go well and that your parents follow through with their promise to you.
As much as it may not be the ideal situation to have braces at our age, better now than even later. I did the whole "what if I had gotten braces when I was younger" thing but all it did was make me mad and upset. I'm not going to lie to you; I still do get a little annoyed that my parents didn't get me braces when I was younger, but I accept that there's nothing I can do about it -- except take my experience and use that as a mental note to get my future children braces one day. haha. You can't rewind time so your best bet is to let the past go and accept that NOW you have healthier teeth, and the option of getting braces.
The orthodontist will not deny you treatment because you didn't consistently go to the dentist growing up. As long as your teeth are in good shape now and will continue to take care of them (brush/floss), you are a candidate for orthodontic treatment. I hope that your consultations go well and that your parents follow through with their promise to you.
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crazybeautiful
- Posts: 745
- Joined: Thu May 24, 2007 2:20 am
- Location: Yorkshire, England
Keeping our teeth healthy is nobody's job but our own. I can see why you might have some resentment, but at the same time not having regular dental check-ups is hardly traumatising stuff, and I agree with theKurp about your attitude.
As for your need for braces- I'm don't know how crooked your teeth are, but I will say that if you expressed these problems to someone in the UK you would be laughed at. I understand the idea of having perfectly straight teeth is a product of American culture, but I'm just trying to put your issues into perspective here; we don't all get braced up to have exact, white, straight teeth, but that doesn't- and shouldn't in my opinion- detract from anything. Not dental health, or job prospects!
If you want to get your teeth sorted out, fine. That's your decision. And that was theirs.
As for your need for braces- I'm don't know how crooked your teeth are, but I will say that if you expressed these problems to someone in the UK you would be laughed at. I understand the idea of having perfectly straight teeth is a product of American culture, but I'm just trying to put your issues into perspective here; we don't all get braced up to have exact, white, straight teeth, but that doesn't- and shouldn't in my opinion- detract from anything. Not dental health, or job prospects!
If you want to get your teeth sorted out, fine. That's your decision. And that was theirs.
My mom only took me to the dentist once or trice as a child as well bc I had 2 bad cavities that were pulled when I was 11. No cleanings, no nothing... Now Im 23 going through orthodontics paying on my own. I think part of it was money (single mom working as a waitress) and part was just how she was - she never even made me brush my teeth really and when she was in her 40s she had to have almost all her teeth pulled bc they were bad and got dentures. I still don't go for cleanings bc since I never used to, my gums always bleed bad when I do get a cleaning and it hurts so bad. I am gonna try to go more regularly for cleanings once the braces come off.... I have to if I want to keep my teeth healthy.
I do wish things had been different growing up but theres nothing I can do about the past. Im paying for my own ortho treatment now and I have about $100,000 in student loans from college so Im sure you could find a way to make things work even if your parents can't help. I don't really think our parents "owe" us anything - now that we are adults, this stuff is ultimately up to us to take care of.
Best of luck!
I do wish things had been different growing up but theres nothing I can do about the past. Im paying for my own ortho treatment now and I have about $100,000 in student loans from college so Im sure you could find a way to make things work even if your parents can't help. I don't really think our parents "owe" us anything - now that we are adults, this stuff is ultimately up to us to take care of.
Best of luck!
What parents? You mean the father that took off when I was 3 years old and never saw again? Or do you mean the alcoholic mother that died when I was 19; the one that could barely earn enough money to support three kids living in a 2 bedroom apartment - much less pay for dentist visits?terra85 wrote: How would you feel if your parents neglected to take you to the dentist when you were younger?
I'm sorry for your loss too theKurp.
I was never exposed to the disease of alcoholism in my entire life - until I married an end-stage alcoholic. I dated him for 3 years, and then we married, never had a clue he had a drinking issue. I left 7 months later, I tried to get him help, but he wanted no part of it. I can't imagine spending years with a person who is an active alcoholic, he did enough damage to me in 7 months living with him. He passed way a year and a half ago at age 41 - as a result of his drinking.
It is a horrible disease - and it affects everyone who knows the drinker.
It is great to see you have a very positive outlook - your obviously a real survivor and very strong person. Definitely a great example of how life goes on - and that we all have our own crosses to bare.
I was never exposed to the disease of alcoholism in my entire life - until I married an end-stage alcoholic. I dated him for 3 years, and then we married, never had a clue he had a drinking issue. I left 7 months later, I tried to get him help, but he wanted no part of it. I can't imagine spending years with a person who is an active alcoholic, he did enough damage to me in 7 months living with him. He passed way a year and a half ago at age 41 - as a result of his drinking.
It is a horrible disease - and it affects everyone who knows the drinker.
It is great to see you have a very positive outlook - your obviously a real survivor and very strong person. Definitely a great example of how life goes on - and that we all have our own crosses to bare.
Thanks! I'll be keeping that blog active (I'm an addict) until my braces come off! So far the system is nice and it's comfortable as well!beth1966 wrote:MCG2013 - nice new bling! I'm pretty sure I am getting the Inovations too - but will know for sure when I return for my consult.
I'm a medical school student and we happen to have a dental school as well, so, I'm seeing the Chair of Orthodontics as my physician. At our school, the In-Ovation system is the system of choice and all the docs that I have talked to have seen great results. From what I hear, the DAMON system is the one that you hear about because of their overly-aggressive marketing. There's no benefit of that system of any of the self-ligating, NiTi-based systems.
I'm stoked to see what happens!
MCG2013 - wow that is GREAT that you are under the care of the Chair of Orthodontics!!! The ortho I consulted with earlier in the week actually teaches at NYU in New York City. He's also a member of a study group - and said he will be discussing my case with others in the profession. I liked the sound of that!
I'm curious to see what my treatment plan will be. I have to correct an open bite, a crossbite and a lot of crowding. I had 4 molars removed as a kid for braces - and now everything has shifted in. He wants to widen my arches and will take into consideration the improvement of my profile as well.
I'll be following your blog! Great to hear your so pleased with the Inovations - I'm pretty sure that is all my ortho uses in his office.
I'm curious to see what my treatment plan will be. I have to correct an open bite, a crossbite and a lot of crowding. I had 4 molars removed as a kid for braces - and now everything has shifted in. He wants to widen my arches and will take into consideration the improvement of my profile as well.
I'll be following your blog! Great to hear your so pleased with the Inovations - I'm pretty sure that is all my ortho uses in his office.
wow this thread has turned into something depressing!
okay well I can understand your resentment cause as a CHILD you truly are not going to have knowledge of proper dental hygiene unless you have proper guidance. And it looks like you didn't so the fact that your still have all your teeth (even if they're crowns/cavities/root canals) is a good thing!!
Fear of the dentist is the most common thing for many people. And if a parent instills fear as a child in you well then your most certain to grow up with the same fears. My dad had dentures cause he was in a bad motorcycle accident and lost all his teeth. And my mom well she just always had bad teeth. But thankfully my parents had good insurance and always did their part by making sure we had our checkups but even that isn't always enough. At some point as a kid you have to stwart takin responsibility for your health and well I didn't care as a kid to take the time to brush even though my parents would say, "did you brush your teeth yet?" It was a "uh yeah sure mom!"
When it came time for braces my mom was really urging me to do it but my mom's always been a person who would never force us to do anything we didn't want to (although at times I wish she did). So it basically was my fault that I didn't get braces as a kid/teen and waited until I was 24 to take the leap.
But it's all good bc my philosophy is that it's NEVER too late to make changes. And that goes for you.
Your parents may have neglected your dental health but now your an adult who can make the changes to make it better (and one day teach your own children proper dental care). There simply is no reason to hold resentment because, it is what it is. Just do what you have to do now and be thankful you finaly were able to wake up and see it before it was too late.
best of luck.
okay well I can understand your resentment cause as a CHILD you truly are not going to have knowledge of proper dental hygiene unless you have proper guidance. And it looks like you didn't so the fact that your still have all your teeth (even if they're crowns/cavities/root canals) is a good thing!!
Fear of the dentist is the most common thing for many people. And if a parent instills fear as a child in you well then your most certain to grow up with the same fears. My dad had dentures cause he was in a bad motorcycle accident and lost all his teeth. And my mom well she just always had bad teeth. But thankfully my parents had good insurance and always did their part by making sure we had our checkups but even that isn't always enough. At some point as a kid you have to stwart takin responsibility for your health and well I didn't care as a kid to take the time to brush even though my parents would say, "did you brush your teeth yet?" It was a "uh yeah sure mom!"
When it came time for braces my mom was really urging me to do it but my mom's always been a person who would never force us to do anything we didn't want to (although at times I wish she did). So it basically was my fault that I didn't get braces as a kid/teen and waited until I was 24 to take the leap.
But it's all good bc my philosophy is that it's NEVER too late to make changes. And that goes for you.
Your parents may have neglected your dental health but now your an adult who can make the changes to make it better (and one day teach your own children proper dental care). There simply is no reason to hold resentment because, it is what it is. Just do what you have to do now and be thankful you finaly were able to wake up and see it before it was too late.
best of luck.
Sentenced: 20-24 months
Braced May 11, 2007
Debraced Feb. 23, 2009
21 months in braces, 17 months in elastic, NO regrets!! Now in Hawley retainers!!
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sauerkraut
- Posts: 573
- Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Germany
Aww, terra85, it's such a shame that you feel this way. Because the sad thing about it is that all the resentment and anger in the world can't change what has happened in the past. It can only drag you down, if you keep lugging it around with you into the future.
I think you might have chosen a bit of an unfortunate place for your rant, because there are an awful lot of us here who didn't get our teeth sorted out properly when we were growing up, for all sorts of different reasons. But we're all getting on with doing something about it now, even if some of us have had to wait until our 40's, or older
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I'm glad you've managed to overcome your dentist phobia and get your teeth in good shape. And it's great that you've now got the opportunity to go ahead with the orthodontic treatment. It sounds like you're not going to change your parents' views about dental health (I'm a Brit, like CrazyBeautiful, and that's not so unusual where we come from) so if I were you I wouldn't waste the energy trying.
But if you'll take a little tip from me, perhaps you could try being a little more positive -- and even, dare I say it, grateful -- that your parents have at least indicated they'll support you financially even though it's not something they believe in. I'm convinced that a more forward-looking, optimistic approach would be better, not just for them but for you as well.
All the best for your treatment
I think you might have chosen a bit of an unfortunate place for your rant, because there are an awful lot of us here who didn't get our teeth sorted out properly when we were growing up, for all sorts of different reasons. But we're all getting on with doing something about it now, even if some of us have had to wait until our 40's, or older
.I'm glad you've managed to overcome your dentist phobia and get your teeth in good shape. And it's great that you've now got the opportunity to go ahead with the orthodontic treatment. It sounds like you're not going to change your parents' views about dental health (I'm a Brit, like CrazyBeautiful, and that's not so unusual where we come from) so if I were you I wouldn't waste the energy trying.
But if you'll take a little tip from me, perhaps you could try being a little more positive -- and even, dare I say it, grateful -- that your parents have at least indicated they'll support you financially even though it's not something they believe in. I'm convinced that a more forward-looking, optimistic approach would be better, not just for them but for you as well.
All the best for your treatment