family support

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#1 Post by **chops** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 3:26 pm

Ok, so a big part of why I got braces later on in life is because my parents have never been supportive of this...not entirely that is. My mom thinks it's a big mistake and has known ppl to have gotten braces which caused bigger problems in the long run. I am paying for them myself right now, yet I feel like her opinion counts for alot. So, the fact that she doesn't even support me still....get's me in the dumps. My father just never thought I needed them anyways, which may be true....I don't know anymore. I feel like maybe they're right and in the end I'll have to have more work done as a result or that I'll be unhappy with the results.

Fri Dec 16, 2005 4:00 pm

Chops, don't worry about them. Just keep in mind that you're doing this to improve your appearance and self-confidence. You'll be happy that you did it in the long run...and if you have to deal with something else down the road, just know that you'll be able to! And, you know your own mind better than anyone...congratulations on taking the leap.

This board has been a great support for me - I'm sure you'll find reassurance and strength here, too.

My dad wouldn't pay for braces when I was a kid, either. I'm 29 and in graduate school, but would have preferred them when I was 13 (they were actually on my Christmas list at one point) - my dad and the dentist agreed that my teeth weren't that bad and that I didn't need them. Unfortunately, I've spent my entire life avoiding pictures with friends and smiling in front of strangers...

My dad still teases me that I'm the daughter who "took it literally and actually put her money were her mouth is."

#3 Post by **nimo** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 4:30 pm

I'm just planning on not telling my parents. They didn't care when I was younger, I don't think they'll care now.

#4 Post by **Destor** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 5:07 pm

My parents aren't hugely supportive of having braces either. They didn't think I needed em, and actually they think it's vain to want to go through having them on to make my smile more attractive. They wouldn't pay for them either, 20 years old and paying for it all myself, but I'm more than happy to, because it'll be more than worth it in the end.

People in their 40s+ right now, and maybe even around their 30s+ don't have the same perspective that us young adults do. Fact is, they grew up in an age where not many people could afford braces, there was no real dental insurance, so having bad teeth and living with them was the norm. Nowadays, around 70% of people have had or will have braces at some point in their life, having them has become the norm, almost like a rite of passage, along with puberty and that stuff.

I've never heard of anyone having braces, and them causing more/serious problems than they solved (and if there have been such cases, they're VERY rare). Sounds kinda like your mom just doesn't want you to have to go through it so she's trying to scare you out of getting them, can't blame parents for being protective. Mine was the same way, yeah they're painfull, yeah they're a pain in the rump (that saying, no pain no gain really applies here), but wait until you go through the treatment and have them removed, and your parents see your beaming new smile for the first time. I'll bet anything that when they see the results, and if they have problems with their teeth, they'll be in that orthodontist's chair like *snap* that.

#5 Post by **bbsadmin** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 7:16 pm

I learned years ago that it's best not to tell your parent everything when you become an adult, especially if you know they'd give you guilt or grief for your decisions -- or go blabbing your problems to other relatives.

#6 Post by **calley03** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 7:28 pm

My parents would not pay for my braces either and thought it was a waste of money when I told them I was getting them. I think it is growing on them, my dad at least and they are going to come around. I really can't not tell them they see me all the time. Good luck. Kelly

#7 Post by **ssfw** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 8:28 pm

I'm sure that you initially went to an orthodontist for a reason - whether it was your dentist that recommended orthodontic treatment or if you felt that you may need orthodontic treatment.

I don't know whether you did not get braces whenyou were younger was because your parents could not afford it, which is not uncommon or maybe your dentist didn't feel you needed orthodontic treatment. When you are younger, sometimes you don't get what you want for whatever reason.

Now you're an adult and can make decisions on your own. You decided to proceed with orthodontic treatment and paying for it on your own. As long as you're satisfied with the decision you have made that is the most important thing. Since your parents don't seem supportive of orthodontic treatment for you, my suggestion is when you see them just don't bring up the conversation. Yes, you will be wearing braces and can't and do not want to hide them but it's not necessary to talk about it if you don't want to hear negative comments. I'm sure you have plenty of friends that do want to hear abaout your orthodontic treatment and don't forget us at Archwired. As mentioned in other posts, after awhile people forget you have braces and I'm sure your parents will get use to them and if they don't, then they don't.

Also, I have know plenty of children and adults that have had orthodontic treatment and their teeth look great!!!!!

Good luck and don't let your parents make you lose your enthusiasm for being on the journey to make your teeth look great.

ssfw

#8 Post by **drazda** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 8:31 pm

Since you're an adult and paying for this yourself, you don't need to justify anything to anyone. I am 21 years old, and my father always knew I needed braces but never bothered to get them for me. I am now paying for them myself with no insurance. It bothers me that all my peers took their braces off years ago, but I'm glad I'm doing this... it's for MYSELF. My dad is glad I finally got them.

#9 Post by **Evelyn** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 8:32 pm

awwww Chops we'll be your family! I assure you that no one will give you grief for getting braces on this board lol. I too have a rough time with people questioning why I have braces-my teeth look fine and they always assume its cosmetic... some people are so ignorant...

big hugs, and remember you can always come here for support

Eve

#10 Post by **missing_tooth** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 10:04 pm

People in their 40s+ right now, and maybe even around their 30s+ don't have the same perspective that us young adults do.

I dunno about the 30 crowd. ( That's me

) Don't worry about what other people think. Here is a run down for me.

Dad: Keeps pretty silent and changes the subject. Knew I needed em. Didn't wanna pay for them. I suspect a slight feeling of guilt.

Sister: Complete waste of money. She says I should just let my teeth go and possibly loose more teeth.

Sister: Too expensive, don't waste your money.

Grandfather: Says he doesn't know, but be leery of them out to get your money.

Wife: Very support, encouraging me to get started asap.

Most thankful for my wife.

In short don't worry about what other say. Remember this, you are an adult, it's your money. Most importantly it's your teeth that you need to live with for the rest of your life. You don't have to justify it to anyone, you don't have to tell people about the treatment or the cost. People are often quick to offer advise as to what you should do in life or in money. Your at the helm and steering. Set a course and go strait.

#11 Post by **asianflow** » Fri Dec 16, 2005 11:14 pm

It's your own money so don't sweat it.

I remember when I decided to get braces my parents weren't 100% supportive. They didn't come out and directly say it but I felt like they thought it was purely a vanity issue when it wasn't.

But since I paid almost all of it myself and I'm an adult, it was my decision to make.

#12 Post by **Teigyr** » Sat Dec 17, 2005 12:11 am

I second all of the above!!!

My parents paid for braces when I was young. There wasn't insurance or anything like that and I was...how do I put this...highly irresponsible. I didn't wear my headgear or do what I was supposed to do. My teeth were straight but my bite was way off. Last summer I went to an orthodontist to see what it would take to fix my teeth. Now that I'm older and my bones aren't growing, it is far more complicated. It is surgery whereas back then, it could've been accomplished by headgear. Not only am I paying for it myself, I had to admit I was a failure and now have to make up for it! My parents, bless them, haven't said much though I bet sometimes they are tempted!

So, you do what is best for you. I bet some of the negative reactions ARE guilt or maybe shame if they didn't feel they could afford it at the time.

#13 Post by **chops** » Sat Dec 17, 2005 1:25 am

thanks so much everyone for your support!!!

....my dad still hasn't even asked me a single thing about them, I'm not sure if it's because he doesn't know that I have them (which is unlikely) or he flat out doesn't support me. I too am in my early 20's like some of you here, I'm also a student and am funding the brace myself....this is not to say my parents didn't help me out when I was kid, I had a few ortho treatments back then (spacers, retainers...no braces though) and they paid for it. so, I don't fully understand why braces were a "hush-hush" thing with us....

anyways, I've wanted braces for a while now (years, actually) to correct some crowding, I don't have any bite problems, so I guess...SADLY, I am doing this for vanity reasons. but it's a huge deal because I wouldn't smile with my mouth open around almost everyone, which is not good because I used to laugh alot as a child and pre-teen. so, to say this is solely vain...is not totally correct. it's also a psychological thing and self-esteem thing I guess.

nonetheless, I read through everyones' replies and feel a lot better. I don't know why, maybe it's being in my 20's now and other private issues, that now I am alot more sensitive towards my parents' actions and their lack of emotional support. In any case, I am soooo thankful for everyones' replies, it means alot to me....I'm so happy that there is a place where we can all be empathetic and supportive of each other!

#14 Post by **weird_wired** » Sat Dec 17, 2005 6:04 am

I do feel sorry for you.

My mother's attitude was: "you know, in this life, you only get one chance, so you may as well spend the money and have the best you can get, if it means a lot to you."

I think her attitude has changed a lot over the years - she recently survived cancer, so I think it has adjusted her perspective on quality of life. Paying $5,000 or $10,000 now might mean something else is a struggle later on - you have to buy a cheaper car, or wait longer to pay off a loan.

But if having great teeth makes you happier and healthier, it seems dumb to go for years with teeth that make you unhappy. You don't get those years back again.

#15 Post by **dena** » Sat Dec 17, 2005 6:16 pm

Chops--I think you're doing the right thing. I am really sorry that people haven't been supportive. It's insanely hard to commit to thousands of dollars to something that may be due to vanity (I'm still struggling with that, and my teeth are pretty bad)...especially when people are dismissive of your decision.

When I was a kid, we didn't have insurance at all, so braces were never an option. Luckily, my mom has been really really supportive of this decision because she knows how much my teeth bother me. But others in my family have definitely been like 'oh just wait until you have insurance some day.' I think the truth is that many adults may never have insurance that is good enough to provide ortho $$ (I had insanely good insurance--I think--before I quit working to go back to grad school, and it covered no ortho for adults.)

This process is definitely scary enough. This website is such a blessing, so talk to us all you want.