Telling people your getting surgery..

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#1 Post by **Sweet Escape** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 6:17 am

How did you do it?

I feel rather awkward/uneasy about telling my friends.

I just don't want people to be like "OMG SURGERY?!" or "Smile, show us your mouth".

How did your friends take it and what did you say?

#2 Post by **loulou123** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 7:09 am

In my case surgery was a medical necessity so that made telling people easier, tho i still had a lot of "your teeth dont look that bad to me" and "are you sure its necessary" etc.

I just told people that i needed surgery on my jaw as otherwise i was going to have continual teeth problems.

Think you just have to tell people and if they have an issue with it, its there problem at end of day. Good luck.

#3 Post by **Emaciated** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 8:33 am

Keep in mind that orthognathic surgery grosses most people out so spare them the details. (i.e. use terms like "reset" instead of "break" and "I'll have rubber bands to secure everything" instead of "my mouth will be locked shut."

Everyone I told said, "Why go through all that, you look fine." The general consensus is that you're doing it for 100% cosmetic reasons. People don't get it for the most part in my experience.

#4 Post by **tortor** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 11:10 am

i feel pretty awkward/embarrassed when i tell people about my surgery.

the topic usually begins when people notice i have braces and ask me why i need them because they always say "your teeth were already straight"

ive always been so embarrassed about my underbite so i try to avoid that issue all together and focus on the pain and soreness i have around my jaw. but that explanation doesnt always satisfy people and then i have to beat around the bush some more and say my bite is "off". then im always asked to smile..

#5 Post by **fromjersey** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 11:40 am

Responses show how much education is needed on this subject. Not only for the general public. People, including parents and dentists, need to learn there's so much more than cosmetics involved. And I've come across orthodontists who didn't know that jaw surgery can fix sleep apnea.
Helen

#6 Post by **phil** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 1:48 pm

Most of the people I've told are very supportive. I usually spare people the gory details, however, unless they really want to know. And in my case, it's gory.

You should have seen my psychologist's face when I told him the complete story of everything I've been through. He was both horrified and dumbfounded.

So, my advice is choose carefully who you tell, and the rest of 'em...just let 'em figure it out for themselves.

#7 Post by **kaycee** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 2:40 pm

Usually the surgery comes up when people ask how much longer my braces will be on. I tell them that part of the treatment includes surgery to correct my bite and that my OD likes to keep braces on for 9 months to a year after the surgery, so that hopefully, I'm looking at a year FROM RIGHT NOW to be debraced.

I don't go into what the surgery entails unless they ask, but I am amazed by how many people are interested in the science of it all. There are some amazing before and after pictures on the internet (OS's websites) that I have shown some friends and family to help explain it all. "See that overbite, gummy smile and recessed chin before surgery and see how gorgeous she looks after?"

Also, my close friends and family also know of the chewing difficulties that I have been having so they understand what I have been going through and what I need to correct.

Kaycee

#8 Post by **ohmyjaw** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 3:04 pm

Be prepared for a variety of responses. Some people will be supportive, others won't understand, and then there's the "OMG Surgery??" type.

Personally, I found most people were supportive.

My father couldn't understand it, and told me all kinds of garbage horror stories that he got from who knows where. But I know him well and I was prepared for whatever he was going to dish out.

There were a couple of people that responded with a sort of shocked, horrified look, and that really got to me, because I REALLY needed reassurance, not more panic.

Tue Mar 18, 2008 9:17 pm

Yeah this was my biggest problem after the surgery. I wasn't completely informed about how different I would look, I just thought I would look a little different. Some people didn't even recognize me. I spent the last semester of grade 12 swollen and kind of depressed about the whole thing. I even had a teacher mention that I looked nothing like the old me and asked why I would undergo something that drastic. My sister and her fiance came down for christmas about a month after my surgery and they were both shocked at how I looked.

Since then, I've had really mixed emotions and it has kind of complicated things for me because I can't decide how I feel. It seems like there are so many different angles to this, and it makes becoming an adult a bit harder. Some of my guy friends will bring it up sometimes to kind of embarrass me and it pisses me off. At my sister's wedding this summer there was aslideshow and somehow a pic of me all swollen from christmas got in and I just felt extremely embarrassed. I don't know if these feelings are rational? I'm just kind of embarrased to say that I had it done for some reason. Like I don't really want to explain it to people.

#10 Post by **Arvensis** » Tue Mar 18, 2008 9:45 pm

Okay, I'm officially an oddball - I THRIVED on the drama of surgery; the more shocked an expression I could get, the better. I was very excited about seeing how shocked a person could be about the idea of it all, and I spared no expense when asked why I was having surgery or what the surgery would entail. In fact, one of my guyfriends looked up videos online because he was so entranced and he watched the whole surgery process - I admit, I did NOT go that far myself;) I'm not a blood, guts & gore girl AT ALL.

I knew I would look different, and I was excited about it, but I made sure before surgery that everyone knew that I'd be different looking next time they saw me, etc. etc. so that they weren't surprised or would hopefully be on the lookout for the new me. This worked pretty well; I had friends who would walk by, do a doubletake, and figure out who I was, no problems. I thought I'd be more embarrassed about the swollen pics but I broke them out two weeks ago at a party and was passing the computer around to show them.

My thing is: If they don't understand, too bad. I couldn't chew before. I can chew now. I couldn't breath before. I can breath now. That's my priority.

Partly for me, the reason I DIDN'T go through with surgery as a teenager is because I was embarrassed by my appearance and wanted to like my face for what it was. I did that. I realized my face as it was didn't allow me to function like I needed to, and that my husband wasn't going to change his opinion of me if I became MORE attractive;)

THOUGH I should say that we haven't had to inform my mother in law in Russia yet.... I can imagine this will be a little different; and we'll try to play down the shock factor so as to not get husband in trouble with Russian mom;)

#11 Post by **allisonh** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 3:06 pm

ive had a hard time telling people. When I told my parents, they told me that they didnt think I needed surgery and that I should get another opinion.... I have a huge overbite, I cant form a seal on my mouth, and I have 2 dislocated discs in my jaw that have me on a soft food diet.... is there even a question that I need surgery? My mother is currently giving me the "silent treatment" because I told her that, yes, it is necessary, and I am seeing a very reputable surgeon. My father is convinced that the surgeon is trying to gouge me for all we are worth, and paying for people who cant afford to pay. Who can afford 20k cash for a surgery?

When I told everyone at work, I got the, "but your teeth look so straight with the braces" comment from everyone. I tried to explain the whole overbite situation and it seems everyone thinks they have the same thing and hear popping in their jaw every once and a while, but that it never bothers then (read: you are a whimp if it bothers you). The families I work with dont seem to think I need it either and that it will be poorly spent time off.

It seems as though the only person who understands why I need this surgery is my husband who see's me going through pain every day trying to eat and the daily pain I get in my jaw. He is also the person that knows I have problems breathing and sleeping at night because I cant close my mouth at night.

And of course... the insurance company doesn't understand because they consider it a cosmetic procedure and refuse to cover it.

I am a little worried about how I will look afterwards, and the comments. A friend of mine had the same surgery in high school and they made a comment to me that she looked better before the surgery.... as if that is why she went through all the pain!

I think we need to create a mission to make people understand TMJ and jaw surgery.. at at least I will!

#12 Post by **allisonh** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 3:09 pm

A friend of mine had the same surgery in high school and they made a comment to me that she looked better before the surgery.... as if that is why she went through all the pain!

They = my parents

#13 Post by **allisonh** » Wed Mar 19, 2008 8:26 pm

Now, of course I'm not trying to imply that your parents do not. In fact I wonder if part of their attitude might be born of some element of guilt that you're having to deal with this now, as an adult. Or if they feel there is some implied criticism that they "let this happen" to you. Hard to say. I just hope that, in time, they'll come round, and become a part of your support structure.

I think you hit the nail on the head there... is that the right expression?

PS- I apologize if my posting was a little depressing. I had just gotten off the phone with my dad about 10 minutes before I had written it. I was still fuming a little.

But, I try to maintain that everything happened for a reason... maybe i was meant to go through this now, for whatever reason. Improved surgical techniques?? Faster braces with the Damon Brackets versus traditional braces? Trying to look on the brighter side!

#14 Post by **skintz** » Thu Mar 20, 2008 3:34 am

I told people at work i need surgery and they were shocked-i think i slightly liked the shock factor when i was telling them

However, reading through this topic, i noticed how many people's faces have changed so that people don't even recognise them...does this happen to everyone? I'm scared now that i will change beyond recognition (i really don't want surgery but the ortho said it was the only way he would treat me, if he corrected my bite and teeth-i don't get any pain from my jaw, nor is my bite off when i eat etc...guess i've just got used to it over the years)
So does everyone's face change dramatically?

#15 Post by **loulou123** » Thu Mar 20, 2008 4:42 am

Hey Skintz

I wouldnt worry too much about your face shape changing to much, especailly from lower jaw surgery alone

all ive noticed (not including the riducolous swelling from my infection

) is that my profile looks better around my chin area and my chins a tiny bit more prominent. (im sure you have already seen them, but theres pics in my blog)

If you really dont think you want or need the surgery, id talk to the surgeon/ortho again tho. As i dont see how they can make you have it done even if this was the intial agreement.