I feel very alone with this.
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24braceface
- Posts: 203
- Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2008 12:32 am
I feel very alone with this.
Does anyone else feel that nobody else has had to go through this? That no one else has had bite problems that bother them and have to be fixed? I just feel like bite problems and jaw surgery is a hassle that few people experience.
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sauerkraut
- Posts: 573
- Joined: Tue Sep 04, 2007 2:57 pm
- Location: Germany
Hey, we're all here for ya 
!
Know what you mean, though. The other day at the ortho I bumped into an acquaintance who told me that her mother had SARPE some years ago as a 40-year-old. It's odd how comforting that was to me. It was the first real live connection I've had with any other adult who's needed jaw surgery, and even then it was a bit remote! I don't even know any other adults with braces. So yeah, this forum helps me feel a bit less of a freak
!Know what you mean, though. The other day at the ortho I bumped into an acquaintance who told me that her mother had SARPE some years ago as a 40-year-old. It's odd how comforting that was to me. It was the first real live connection I've had with any other adult who's needed jaw surgery, and even then it was a bit remote! I don't even know any other adults with braces. So yeah, this forum helps me feel a bit less of a freak
SARPE: Sept 2007
Braced: May 2008
BSSO: Nov 2010
Debraced: March 2011
Braced: May 2008
BSSO: Nov 2010
Debraced: March 2011
24braceface,
This is a very common feeling. I hated it - In fact I still do. Even though I'm probably a month from being debanded I still at times feel "pissed off" that I had to go through all of this.
My advice to you is:
1) Stay a part of this message board - It helped me GREATLY, and it still does even after the surgeries
2) Don't expect your friends and family to understand - They won't. Some will show compassion, but many others will not. I have had a couple of my friendships materially altered because of this journey, and I don't mean that in a positive way. Don't let that happen to you...
3) If #1 and #2 are not enough, seek professional counseling. I was very fortunate to have a therapist in my area that specialized in orthognathic surgery patients. I couldn't have gotten through this without his help, and I feel very fortunate that I found out about him. I recommend counseling if you feel it might help.
Best of luck, and do realize that while we aren't a part of your "personal" life so to speak, all of us on this message board are on these journeys together.
-Chicago29
This is a very common feeling. I hated it - In fact I still do. Even though I'm probably a month from being debanded I still at times feel "pissed off" that I had to go through all of this.
My advice to you is:
1) Stay a part of this message board - It helped me GREATLY, and it still does even after the surgeries
2) Don't expect your friends and family to understand - They won't. Some will show compassion, but many others will not. I have had a couple of my friendships materially altered because of this journey, and I don't mean that in a positive way. Don't let that happen to you...
3) If #1 and #2 are not enough, seek professional counseling. I was very fortunate to have a therapist in my area that specialized in orthognathic surgery patients. I couldn't have gotten through this without his help, and I feel very fortunate that I found out about him. I recommend counseling if you feel it might help.
Best of luck, and do realize that while we aren't a part of your "personal" life so to speak, all of us on this message board are on these journeys together.
-Chicago29
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ColoradoGirl
- Posts: 150
- Joined: Sun Jan 17, 2010 12:01 am
- Location: Santa Barbara CA
TOTALLY agree that this board is a life- (or at least psyche-) saver.
I think this is prob. the case with a lot of people who go through any major procedure (what comes to mind, since one of my dear friends just went through it, is cancer, though I know jaw surgery is not really as serious). That's the reason communities like this--or, before the internet, communities in person <shudder>--are helpful. Unlike a disease or a more apparently debilitating problem, this one isn't as obviously a problem to others: people with bone problems in their knees or hips are sympathized with; those of us with bone problems in our faces are looked at like crazy people. But even with a debilitating disease, people say stupid things (a casual observer to a new chemo patient: "Wow, you'll look really weird without hair"). I think we just have to come to terms with the fact that this is something important to us, so, like, screw everybody else.
And I totally concur with Chicago's points, including #3: it's totally worthwhile to see a (good) therapist. Mine helped me see I didn't actually have bdm and actually wanted to change one specific actual problem.
Eek, am I preaching? I decided tonight would be a reasonable time after surgery to have a glass of wine....
I think this is prob. the case with a lot of people who go through any major procedure (what comes to mind, since one of my dear friends just went through it, is cancer, though I know jaw surgery is not really as serious). That's the reason communities like this--or, before the internet, communities in person <shudder>--are helpful. Unlike a disease or a more apparently debilitating problem, this one isn't as obviously a problem to others: people with bone problems in their knees or hips are sympathized with; those of us with bone problems in our faces are looked at like crazy people. But even with a debilitating disease, people say stupid things (a casual observer to a new chemo patient: "Wow, you'll look really weird without hair"). I think we just have to come to terms with the fact that this is something important to us, so, like, screw everybody else.
And I totally concur with Chicago's points, including #3: it's totally worthwhile to see a (good) therapist. Mine helped me see I didn't actually have bdm and actually wanted to change one specific actual problem.
Eek, am I preaching? I decided tonight would be a reasonable time after surgery to have a glass of wine....
how do you find a therapist who knows about orthognathic surgery, let alone is specialized in It?
I want to go to one anyway but i postponed it until after surgery, because i fear that he sees the fact that i want to have this surgery as part of my problem: he thinks having "plastic surgery" will solve all his problems(i don't).
I want to go to one anyway but i postponed it until after surgery, because i fear that he sees the fact that i want to have this surgery as part of my problem: he thinks having "plastic surgery" will solve all his problems(i don't).
i think you all need to relax. i don't mean to be cruel or anything but orthognathic surgery isn't really that big of a deal. i think you're all hyping it up to mean a lot more than it really does.
the only people that are going to judge you are really worth your time, and you know what... they'll judge you based on how you judge yourself. if you're getting this done because you want to and it makes you happy, then do it.
if you're doing this because of underlying self-esteem issues then you really need to address those first. and the best way to do that is to just wake up every morning and tell yourself why you're happy to be you.
i think one of the biggest issues just from reading these topics is projection. those who are insecure or who have low self-esteem will tend to view the situation as, "man, if i saw somebody else get this done, i would think they were totally vain, i would question their motives, everyone's doing the same to me!" so they project that feeling on to others and it fuels their insecurities.
the truth is... it's not like that at all. it doesn't even matter. you're bettering yourself, and if you can be happy and comfortable with it throughout the process, then people will see and respect that. seeds of envy and the like will only bubble up if other insecure people sense weakness and think they can get an ego boost out of it. ("ha, that person has perfect teeth now, but i'm still superior.")
it's essentially the same thing as braces but a little more invasive. once it's over it's over, nobody you meet is even really going to care or remember you had jaw surgery. maybe somebody will mention, "oh i know someone who had that done" and think of you, but that's about the extent of it. people could care less about you in the grand scheme of things, everybody is ridiculously self-centered. a fleeting thought questioning your surgery doesn't mean anything.
again, if you're doing this because of an underlying self-esteem issue, i would highly recommend you try to solve that and become comfortable with yourself... because no amount of surgery is going to change that. if you ARE completely comfortable with yourself and wish to pursue this as a surgical option, by all means, go for it! a little bit of vanity and the search for beauty is a necessary part of the human condition. as long as you know exactly why you're getting the surgery done and you don't lie to yourself or others, there's nothing to be ashamed of. even if the reason is aesthetics.
if somebody questions beforehand, "why are you getting this done?" just be honest. i would tell people when they would ask, "because teeth are important to me. i want a perfect smile." given, i'm in a younger age group than many here, and tons of people my age have dealt with braces for a considerable time growing up, so it's easier to understand. but really i don't think it matters, regardless of age.
the only people that are going to judge you are really worth your time, and you know what... they'll judge you based on how you judge yourself. if you're getting this done because you want to and it makes you happy, then do it.
if you're doing this because of underlying self-esteem issues then you really need to address those first. and the best way to do that is to just wake up every morning and tell yourself why you're happy to be you.
i think one of the biggest issues just from reading these topics is projection. those who are insecure or who have low self-esteem will tend to view the situation as, "man, if i saw somebody else get this done, i would think they were totally vain, i would question their motives, everyone's doing the same to me!" so they project that feeling on to others and it fuels their insecurities.
the truth is... it's not like that at all. it doesn't even matter. you're bettering yourself, and if you can be happy and comfortable with it throughout the process, then people will see and respect that. seeds of envy and the like will only bubble up if other insecure people sense weakness and think they can get an ego boost out of it. ("ha, that person has perfect teeth now, but i'm still superior.")
it's essentially the same thing as braces but a little more invasive. once it's over it's over, nobody you meet is even really going to care or remember you had jaw surgery. maybe somebody will mention, "oh i know someone who had that done" and think of you, but that's about the extent of it. people could care less about you in the grand scheme of things, everybody is ridiculously self-centered. a fleeting thought questioning your surgery doesn't mean anything.
again, if you're doing this because of an underlying self-esteem issue, i would highly recommend you try to solve that and become comfortable with yourself... because no amount of surgery is going to change that. if you ARE completely comfortable with yourself and wish to pursue this as a surgical option, by all means, go for it! a little bit of vanity and the search for beauty is a necessary part of the human condition. as long as you know exactly why you're getting the surgery done and you don't lie to yourself or others, there's nothing to be ashamed of. even if the reason is aesthetics.
if somebody questions beforehand, "why are you getting this done?" just be honest. i would tell people when they would ask, "because teeth are important to me. i want a perfect smile." given, i'm in a younger age group than many here, and tons of people my age have dealt with braces for a considerable time growing up, so it's easier to understand. but really i don't think it matters, regardless of age.
I was lucky in the sense that one of my coworker went throught this 2 yrs ago with my surgeon, so she understands what I was going to go through, etc, but I still think this forum is more helpful as people are dealing with it at the moment. Someone compared this to childbirth in the sense that you kinda forget how bad it was after it's done (I don't have children and can't relate, but that first week is already kind of a blur....)
Now, of course, AFTER it's done, I've found out that I have 2 friends whose moms had this done some years ago, this girl I work with had double jaw/cheek/nose/chin done when she was 18, and then this acquaintance (friend through friend) also had jaw surgery when she was 16 from one jaw not growing. My advice - casually mention your plans for surgery in the future when out with friends/acquaintances/at work - you may be surprised how many people either had it when younger or have a family member who did! I sure felt less like a freak knowing all these people within my knowledge had this done.
qwertz - if you go to a therapist that thinks you're getting "plastic surgery", go to another one! I think of it this way - if it was plastic surgery, insurance wouldn't pay for it. I personally didn't see a therapist, but it probably would not have been a bad idea as I went through a low point last week, and still am a little down
Now, of course, AFTER it's done, I've found out that I have 2 friends whose moms had this done some years ago, this girl I work with had double jaw/cheek/nose/chin done when she was 18, and then this acquaintance (friend through friend) also had jaw surgery when she was 16 from one jaw not growing. My advice - casually mention your plans for surgery in the future when out with friends/acquaintances/at work - you may be surprised how many people either had it when younger or have a family member who did! I sure felt less like a freak knowing all these people within my knowledge had this done.
qwertz - if you go to a therapist that thinks you're getting "plastic surgery", go to another one! I think of it this way - if it was plastic surgery, insurance wouldn't pay for it. I personally didn't see a therapist, but it probably would not have been a bad idea as I went through a low point last week, and still am a little down
if i understand this correctly, you're not saying that your therapist thinks you're having plastic surgery, you're saying you think he'll interpret your surgery as plastic surgery or something of the like.qwertz1 wrote:I want to go to one anyway but i postponed it until after surgery, because i fear that he sees the fact that i want to have this surgery as part of my problem: he thinks having "plastic surgery" will solve all his problems(i don't).
here's the truth: you're overanalyzing the situation based on your own insecurities. the big problem isn't you "fixing" yourself or whatever, the problem is that you think other people will view it as such and think you have problems (including a therapist who is is professionally non-judgmental!). that's reflective more of what you think of yourself.
if you're scared somebody will tell you that this is part of an underlying problem (i.e. surgery will fix everything) and don't want to talk to anybody about it then maybe you should give the thought a little credence. because if you are truly comfortable with your decision it won't matter even IF people think that, because their opinions don't inherently affect your being.
i'm not saying there's anything wrong with you or your line of thinking, everybody on the planet has been there at some point or another, and this is a significant step in your life. would anyone judge you on a haircut? nope. what's REALLY so different about orthognathic surgery?
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bracedfaced
- Posts: 184
- Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 3:02 pm
I felt very alone and ridiculous at first and trust me, most of my friends and family think I am insane. But the more I tell people about it, the more I hear about others who have gone through the same. Turns out a very close friend of one of my own friends had it done years ago. I have been talking to her via email and have met her a few times as well. I am even using the same surgeon as her! I also found out that a co-worker had it done years ago as well and he acts like I am silly for being so worried! It has really helped.
hahah yup! sorry if i interjected my opinions where they weren't necessary, but this is what i was trying to get across, more people than you'd think get this kinda work done and it isn't really that big of a deal!bracedfaced wrote:I also found out that a co-worker had it done years ago as well and he acts like I am silly for being so worried! It has really helped.