Desperately seeking emotional support

[dayeangphurr]

Am I going crazy or am I just experiencing the psychological and emotional aspects of possessing a jaw deformity? Sometimes I wonder if I have a body dysmorphic disorder and if I'm obsessing too much on appearances. But then again, there are correlations between jaw deformities and depression as I've read before. I've been wanting to undergo jaw surgery since 2008 which is only two years ago, and so much has changed since then, emotionally and mentally. And I'm struggling! Lol I am a twenty one year old guy with an overbite who lives a restrictive life. I'm watching life like a television, but not living it. My current lifestyle is killing me.

Previous posts on getting to know me a little better

(1) http://archwired.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.p ... highlight=
(2) http://archwired.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.p ... highlight=
(3) http://archwired.com/phpbb2/viewtopic.p ... highlight=

Anyways, it would definitely be nice to talk to someone who can relate to me.

[phil]

dayeangphurr, if you feel you might be experiencing psychological difficulty in regards to this issue, maybe the best thing for you to do would be to find a competent therapist or psychologist so that you can discuss this problem in an appropriate setting.

If there are psychological problems connected with your thoughts about having orthognathic surgery, all the surgery in the world is not going to fix them.

Be well, and at peace,

Phil

p.s. Get out and enjoy life!

[bb]

I can't relate but I think you are a sensitive person. While you are waiting for your surgery, it would be a wonderful idea to talk to a therapist now and also after surgery.
best wishes

[crazybeautiful]

dayeangphurr, if you feel you might be experiencing psychological difficulty in regards to this issue, maybe the best thing for you to do would be to find a competent therapist or psychologist so that you can discuss this problem in an appropriate setting.

If there are psychological problems connected with your thoughts about having orthognathic surgery, all the surgery in the world is not going to fix them.

Be well, and at peace,

Phil

p.s. Get out and enjoy life!

I disagree totally. These issues related to having a malocclusion are not the cause but the by-product. Of course if people are focused on their jaws that are minor cases and more out of vanity, then that is a different story but I don't think this is the case here.

I think it especially effects those who are in their teens and early 20s who want the surgery to think of themselves as being 'ugly' because of it, which will either manifest itself with some minor depression or at least social inhibition and shyness. Saying 'get out an enjoy life' is easier said than done; it's not a choice to feel a certain way about yourself, and as such it can be difficult to try not to and to overcome it.

My message to dayeangphurr is this, though: you notice more about yourself than other people. Don't focus on what you think other people are thinking, because in most cases people don't even notice. People take long enough to realise someone is wearing braces, nevermind anything else

[crazybeautiful]

Oh and I totally forgot to add the important thing: I think if you have the means to see a clinical psychologist (or a counsellor), then I think it would help you.

[MareNostrum]

i'm 18 and i'm struggling as well. I've had braces up until a couple months ago but the orthodontist completely ignored my jaw when addressing my overbite. Even though my teeth are somewhat straight and they match up, the jaws are not aligned and I have no chin. This causes my face to look chubby, my cheekbones bulge, and my smile always looks forced. Its like my lower jaw never grew along with the rest of my face.

My profile looks terrible. I try to compensate by constantly jutting my lower jaw out, whenever I'm awake, whenever I talk to people, whenever I'm eating, but this is causing extreme psychological and physical problems. When I look at my profile in the mirror I find that if I push my lower jaw all the way out and try to "pull" my chin out with my fingers (if you can imagine that) my face looks completely balanced.

I feel fake in social settings. Like I'm trying to hide behind jutting my jaw out when everyone else has a balanced face and can relax while I'm always self conscious. I know I'm being hard on myself. But I find that if I bite down and just relax my jaw in its normal position I look absolutely terrible.

My jaw joints feel painful and worn out and they spasm by popping open and closed randomly. I can't eat hard food like steak without getting serious jaw pains. I don't know if I've caused this by jutting my jaw all the time though.

[mas604]

im 24 male with posterior crossbite and asymmetry, my right side of my jaw looks larger and longer than my left side. I know how you feel as I feel pretty much the same, feels like lifes on hold until this problem gets fixed. I hate going to social events and so i rarely do...i feel so far behind all my peers...have no gf...have no careerr...I had to pretty much force myself to start university a year ago to better myself but i cant seem to concentrate. I hate having to be so concious, I take pics only on certain angles and as someone has said I feel fake...I think this deformity definitely has connections to shyness, depression, etc....i think a happy health person needs to love themselves and feel good about themselves...thats why I think going through with this surgery will better myself as a person not just appearance but the whole.

[sadpanda]

Hi dayeangphurr -

I'm not a professional, so I'm not quite sure what's wrong with you, but if you posted a picture, maybe some of us could give you more feedback on how to help you. It's possible that you have Body Dysmorphic Disorder, like you mentioned. Maybe you see a deformity where there isn't one. Your obsession revolves around your jaw and mouth instead of your whole body, which is common in BDD. Of course, I'm not saying you're seeing things, just that it's a possible symptom of BDD.

I have a big overbite, almost no chin, tmj, and some other issues. I'm 29 and just got braces to correct everything I can without surgery. I hate my profile, always have, but I've lived through a lot of hell in my life and I'm not focused on correcting my jaw.

I completely understand your feelings of depression and other negative self-esteem feelings. I've suffered from them, along with social anxiety, and some other psychological disorders. I waited until I was 22 to get treatment which was not a good idea. When I finally got treatment, it took 6 years to start feeling a little better, but my self-hatred is still as strong as it always was. I'm still in therapy. You might not think so, but getting some counseling could help you, if only to validate your feelings. Medication can help too. Unfortunately, if your feelings are really only related to your jaw and you know surgery will take away your obsession with your appearance, then medication probably won't work.

I would reconsider not asking your parents for help. You should be on their insurance until you're at least 23. If you make your points about the surgery and discuss it often until they know how much it means to you, they should let you go through with it with some support. It will take so much time to raise the money for the surgery, and as you get older, you have more expenses. And I'm not sure if you have student loans. I have a lot of debt, and like you, I'm going to school and not working.

I don't mean to be negative and discourage you, and I'm not trying to pin a psychological disorder on you. I'm just trying to come up with other things. And I really know how much you must be suffering from psychological and physical pain. I've been through stuff that has sucked the life out of me and caused a lot of pain.

I hope you do get what you want and I hope it works out, so that you feel better. However, I wouldn't want you to go through surgery only to look in the mirror and continue to see a deformity. Good luck!

[sadpanda]

Hi -

I just wanted to say that I suggested putting a picture on this board because, while your friends and family will always tell you that you look fine, most people on this site are pretty honest without being critical. They'll look at the picture and tell you exactly what they see. Think about it.

[luke88]

I think it's unclear to suggest you suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Constantly obsessing over the orthodontic area will make you think about it more and more, which in turn makes you get upset about it so much more because you're constantly thinking about what you do not like about your self. This will make you feel depressed and down. You must try and not think about it as much, take a hobby, improve your body by other means such as the gym, running, sports.

However, I feel you should go and get fully treated with braces and surgery. This is the cause of the problem, which causes depression etc.... a vicious circle I wrote about above. If you have braces in and you know surgery is down the line, I think you'll be half way there to feeling much better about your self.

So, try and get treatment, even if you have to get into some debt, it will be worth it in the end! If you are depressed, get treatment for that but I reckon it is probably due to you obsessing over your jaws. Focus on the gym or a sport, that will get you feeling good about your self and you won't be long until having surgery.

[dayeangphurr]

Just wanted to give an update on my situation--and, maybe, vent a little.

Also, I want to thank everyone who had responded to this post because I haven't done so - yikes, three years late.

So its 2013 now, and I'm almost turning 25; nothing much has changed since I first made this post in 2010. The only difference is that I'm even unhappier now than before as the years continue to go by.

At this very moment, I should be studying for an exam that I am having tomorrow morning, but I have other things on my mind; which is always the case.

After several years of feeling reluctant to see a therapist (or get professional help), I am, now, planning to see one (hopefully before this weekend). Life is getting a little more difficult for me to live as time goes by.

So let me tell you what my issue with myself is: I'm (extremely) self-conscious about the way I look and I have a very hard time making friends. I could, probably, tolerate with feeling self-conscious (because of my lower face--or lack of, actually); but being unable to socialize with others and make friends (or even vice versa) - that's really got my hands all tied-up. Its making my life difficult and unbearable. Perhaps I have social anxiety disorder and body dysmorphic disorder, thus I am going to see a therapist to find out. I, really, just want to function normally and not live in all this anxiety.

Sadpanda suggested that I post a picture of myself, so here's me (with my lips relaxed):

[Anna5]

Dear Dayeangphurr,

I feel very sorry to read your post, that you are so sad about the way you look and that this affects your life so much....
I just want to say that, me too, I suffer from anxiety and possible BBD, because of my jaw deformity, so I totally understand you.
But you know, life is so much more than looks, and I am sure your family and friends and all those people around you just love you the way you are and look. You are a unique, very valuable person, no matter how you look. I see your jaw problem in the picture but I still see a nice guy. You are so much more than your jaw!!! (inside and also outside)
I really hope and pray you will find peace with yourself. I hope the psychologist can help you in this process.
And have you considered treatment with braces and/ or surgery or are you already in treatment? It is your life, your happiness, and if you think braces or surgery can help you to overcome your depression, I think you should go for it! Not because you are "ugly", or because others may think you are (I am sure they think you are not!), but because you deserve the best and you deserve to be happy with yourself!
I wish you the very best.

Greetings from Anna

[overbiter]

Hi, I just want to say that I can totally relate to what you are going through. I have all the same issues/problems as you. The only difference is that I think I might be even more extreme as my life has pretty much ground to a halt altogether. I have similar looking jaws to yours, except my maxilla seems to be vertically recessed as well. I think that was caused by tooth extractions and orthodontics I had, as my maxilla seemed normal when I was a kid.

Social anxiety and body dysmorphic disorder pretty much run my life. Basically this means I don't have one. I can't really handle life looking the way I do. I just have no confidence or belief in myself. Society will never understand what it's like for people like us. So many lives have been ruined all because of a small missing piece of bone, it's so sad.

I understand the emotional tumult you are feeling. It is caused by two competing ideas in your head. One is that you know there is something wrong with the way you look, the other is that you think changing your face is a strange thing to do. Well, changing your face is a pretty weird thing to do. Most people would never even consider it, especially if it was to change it in a major way through jaw surgery. This may lead you to question whether you might be going a bit mad to be thinking about having it done. Don't worry, you're not crazy. In fact, you are being completely rational in contemplating orthognathic surgery. It is a totally logical solution to a practical problem. Don't feel guilty about wanting this procedure. Through no fault of your own you have ended up in a situation that is very difficult for anyone to handle, and because of the loneliness of this situation no one is going to help you out of it. You need to help yourself.

Through my research on this subject I have noticed that many people are getting jaw surgery done for aesthetic reasons alone. So you wouldn't be the first to go through with that. The real problem with it is in explaining to people why you need it in a way that doesn't seem weird. For this you may need a legitimate medical or dental reason for the surgery. Sleep apnea is a good one. If you got a diagnosis of OSA then a large jaw advancement would probably be required to treat it. Have you talked to your parents about the surgery yet. Maybe if they knew you had sleep apnea they would understand.

[stunner]

Hello. Late to this discussion but enjoy the articulate and intelligent responses from the people here. I'm in my 50s. Yes. I am. I've been in braces for 2 years and am now 5 days post op BSSO and Lefort 1, which could very well be toward your interests as my overheat was severe--10 mm and 10 hours in surgery.

A couple of things: your emotional issues are distinct enough that you need to address immediately. As I did for probably similar reasons than you cite.

Your photos do not suggest the whole story as you are far from the visual spectacle that you seem to believe.

Get help and get your thinking into more positive frame/- which takes work!!! It is not a couple appointments with a counsellor. You need to start the hard work on that part now. Like everyone here is telling you.

One more thing: I'm feeling for you. But at this point in the long journey through orthognatic surgery, I can honestly say that this is not for the feint of heart. It's a whole psych journey of its own.

[Shinigami]

Hey, I know I'm 7 years late but on the off chance that you return to this post... I'm a 22 year old and I have the exact same problem... I have become a social recluse because of my jaw.. ( I have an underbite). it makes my chin disproportionately long for my face and makes my face look flat from profile view. I hate it so much and cant function because of it. I am getting jaw surgery but I am really curious as to whether the jaw surgery will help my confidence return or not. If it really is about the jaw or if I'm just mentally unwell. If anyone feels similar please please contact me.