Metal Mouth Message Board

My friends obviously know I have braces and I told them that my ortho is sayign that I will "possibly" need surgery. Yesterday I was out with them and the topic came up and they asked why I would be getting it if it came to it and I said that my ortho can't fix the underbite properly with just braces. And my friend said "but it's not like you can't live without having a perfect bite.." I didn't know what to say and I felt like they're judging me... Now I feel like they will talk behind my back or soemthign after the surgery when I end up looki a bit different most liekly and they will probably say that it was just cosmetic surgery..
I know that some of you will say "if they're your real friends then they wont do that ..bla bla" but I've known these girls since I was very little.. I want them inmy life.

How do you explain to people that this isn't cosmetic... they don't seem to understand because truth be told you can live without the perfect bite...
In my case I also have clicking of the jaw and my jaw opens too wide (my dentist actually told me to try ot to yawn because he is afraid my jaw will one day 'click' off or soemthign lol)

I understand because I went through the same thing. I found that in most cases, it wasn't that my friends were judging me but that they really did not understand.
It wasn't until after I had posted online the pics taken by the ortho office(the ones that look like mug shots) along with the explanation of the functional difficulties I was dealing with that got progressively worse as I was getting older, that my friends could better understand. One of them was a good friend since I was a teenager and she sent me an email saying, "NOW I understand why you need this surgery." Another person I've known for 10 yrs wrote me and said she had no idea I was suffering so much. I also found it would get through to people when I would explain it in a graphic and joking manner by saying that I wouldn't have part of my skull sawed out of my head for purely cosmetic reasons!

Unless people are in this type of situation, they usually have no clue. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to scream when I would tell someone I was having jaw surgery and they would reply by saying "TMJ?"
Most people can't imagine what we have to endure or know about our type of surgeries.

As for other people who aren't you're close friends,
I still sometimes encounter a person and when I tell them about my surgery, they say, "oh, that's cosmetic." I always take a few moments to explain that although it does have cosmetic benefits, that it was for functional reasons. I never defend it any more and they're going to think whatever they want in the end......I can't control that.

Hope that helps and just remember how much of an inspiration you are going to be!

There are other threads on this topic you may find helpful, plus people won't have to repeat their advice.

Here's a recent one:
viewtopic.php?t=30448

The "big reveal" is probably one of those most dreadful anticipations/anxieties most of us experience aside from imagining that moment that we wake up with our mouths banded shut. But like the recovery itself, its so much worse in your head than the actual experience once you live it. You'll find that for the most part, as stated, people don't understand, which is why they assume its cosmetic, and overall in reality, people don't care. Its a blow to our egos, I know, but our friends don't care THAT much that you changed your face. They have their own petty concerns to deal with. So yes, they'll likely chat about you, but who cares? After a bit, everyone will be used to your new face and then THAT face will be you from that point forward. You have so many other potential recovery problems to worry about, what your friends think should not concern you. Everyone will be curious for that first moment they see you, and then it will be like, "Oh, okay... so thats what Mary looks like now."

Mary,

What others think is not really something you can control, and therefore I would not worry so much about it. I mean they're your "friends" so of course you're going to worry about it, but there's nothing you can do but do your best to try to explain to them why you need it. If they still don't want to try to understand, you should just go on living life. It's natural for us to want to care about these kinds of things, but there's a certain point where you need to draw the line and just say who gives a sesame Anyway, good luck.

some of your friends you can explain, and explain till you are blue in the face, but they will never understand. Don't let it bother you. It will be hard sometimes...especially when they ahve rude comments to make. But just ignore it, and don't let it upset you.

I just had my surgery done a month ago and so now I'm just starting to go out to meet my friends and all. I get very mixed reponse, from some noticing no difference at all to some not being able to recognise me. My closer friends know I had surgery done but most other dont and sometimes they just stare at me very oddly trying to figure out whats changed. It can get quite disturbing and I've got to repeat again and again.

And yes, I do get the feeling sometimes that some people dont understand and get the cosmetic surgery impression.. but I just try to brush off those thoughts by thinking that its really my decision for my own good, and they wouldnt understand because they're not in my shoes.

Some friends I see more often say after meeting me a few times I'm starting to look perfectly fine and no different.

Just know that you have the support from all of us here (:

Even if you are having it for functional reasons there are cosmetic elements involved too (and the cosmetic bits are the bits most obvious to outsiders) which makes the whole topic a bit delicate for friends- people don't want to hurt your feelings by agreeing that there is something wrong with your face. I found that the natural thing my friends said (or at least did at first) was "You don't need it, I can't see anything" and like you that made me feel abit bad - like I was paranoid over nothing, as if jaw surgery is just like getting a nose job or a boob job. But I think to a degree you have to see it from their point of view, they are trying to make you feel better. It is frustrating that you can never get people to quite understand, but it isn't friends being bad friends, quite the contrary- I think it is just something you have to have experienced yourself to fully understand and appreciate how difficult the whole thing is.