Ive always known there was something slightly wrong about my appearance, but no medical professionals seemed to notice, or didnt really comment. I went to visit a dentist to talk about having my teeth strainghtened, he referred me to a maxfax surgeon, who to my shock told me that i did actually have several problems. I was born with a cleft palate, the repair of which has lead to maxillary hypoplasia. So, I have a concave face, very large mandible, an underbite, a very narrow upper palate. He wants to do SARPE, Le Fort I, BSSO and genioplasty to fix all this.
While it was kind of good to know that there is something wrong with me, I am now even more self concious about how I look. Ive always had low self esteem, mainly due to my looks, but Im now really bad. The main thing thats worrying me at the moment is my unrealistic expectations of the surgery. Ive seen pictures of after this surgery and it can make a huge difference, but Im so scared that Im pinning all my hopes on this to completely change my life and views, which isnt really going to happen.
Im not sure where I could go, mentally I guess, after having the surgery if I still think that im ugly. Its kind of starting to take over my life. Im 30 and single and theres no chance I could ever get a boyfriend looking and feeling how I do.
I dont want to talk to my surgeon about how i feel, as im worried that he'll refuse the treatment. That would be so much worse than having treatment and not looking how i want to at the end. I also have probelms with my bite, jaw pain and i cant really breath through my nose so it isnt all about my appearance.
Im not sure what to do for the best. I know I need some kind of psycological help but its difficult as I work as a nursing student in my local trust and dont feel comfortable in seeking help within the same area, and also worried that my surgeon would find out. I dont even really know what I want you all to say, but I guess I want to know if this is normal?
Scared and confused
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traintraxx
- Posts: 13
- Joined: Sun Feb 14, 2010 8:49 am
I can definitely relate! I know how it feels to have all of your "flaws" pointed out. It's a relief to know that yes there is something wrong and that it's fixable but things you just always accepted about yourself suddenly don't seem acceptable anymore. This is a tough road we walk.
It may seem strange for me to say this but you sound like you are in a good place because you are so clear about your feelings and the issues surrounding the surgery. The Master is her own physician and you seem to really have a handle on where you are with this and that is half the battle. It's okay to be scared and confused... this is a scary and confusing situation, I feel scared and confused too sometimes!
I'm in my late 30's and married to someone who loves me despite my crooked jaws and teeth (if it can happen to me, it can happen to you, I promise!) I had accepted myself and the way I looked until my dentist told me that I would probably lose my teeth in the long run if I didn't fix this problem. I'm having surgery on Thursday and I'm worried about how I will feel about my new face. I've done some work in therapy around this issue and I found it very helpful. I would encourage you to seek some help and not worry about your job or your surgeon finding out. You see your surgeon to take care of your body and a therapist to take care of your mind and spirit. I believe we are three part beings and taking care of body, mind and spirit is the best thing we can do for ourselves.
You are so young... I say go for it, get it fixed not just for your appearance but for your health. This is a huge investment in you - a long process of self love and care. Cherish yourself and I promise someone else will too.
It may seem strange for me to say this but you sound like you are in a good place because you are so clear about your feelings and the issues surrounding the surgery. The Master is her own physician and you seem to really have a handle on where you are with this and that is half the battle. It's okay to be scared and confused... this is a scary and confusing situation, I feel scared and confused too sometimes!
I'm in my late 30's and married to someone who loves me despite my crooked jaws and teeth (if it can happen to me, it can happen to you, I promise!) I had accepted myself and the way I looked until my dentist told me that I would probably lose my teeth in the long run if I didn't fix this problem. I'm having surgery on Thursday and I'm worried about how I will feel about my new face. I've done some work in therapy around this issue and I found it very helpful. I would encourage you to seek some help and not worry about your job or your surgeon finding out. You see your surgeon to take care of your body and a therapist to take care of your mind and spirit. I believe we are three part beings and taking care of body, mind and spirit is the best thing we can do for ourselves.
You are so young... I say go for it, get it fixed not just for your appearance but for your health. This is a huge investment in you - a long process of self love and care. Cherish yourself and I promise someone else will too.
I think this is completely normal. After I was first told about all the problems with my jaws and my facial asymmetry was first pointed out to me, I went home and cried. I've also avoided showing some of my medical pictures and x-rays from the surgeon to my friends and family because they make my problems so obvious in a way.
I'm terrified that the surgery will make me look worse, even though everyone seems to look better in their pictures! And I was also pretty devastated when my surgeon told me that they won't be able to do much about my jaw asymmetry, as I had been hoping that one of the benefits of surgery would be to correct this.
I'm trying to just focus on the medical benefits of the surgery. Even if I'm not going to win any beauty contests after surgery, I should be able to chew food properly and avoid losing my teeth prematurely, and that makes it worth it.
Does your surgeon do computer-generated "after" pictures? That might help to get an idea of what you can expect.
I'm terrified that the surgery will make me look worse, even though everyone seems to look better in their pictures! And I was also pretty devastated when my surgeon told me that they won't be able to do much about my jaw asymmetry, as I had been hoping that one of the benefits of surgery would be to correct this.
I'm trying to just focus on the medical benefits of the surgery. Even if I'm not going to win any beauty contests after surgery, I should be able to chew food properly and avoid losing my teeth prematurely, and that makes it worth it.
Does your surgeon do computer-generated "after" pictures? That might help to get an idea of what you can expect.