I didn't chew...but I had some bread today

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#1 Post by **nvcarissa** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 12:02 pm

I know...only two more weeks and change to go before I get to chew again, but it's been really getting me down a lot the last couple of days. I try to eat normal food, just mash it up, but that still requires food of a particular texture. So eating is just a chore, not a pleasure. I told my husband (who smokes), "It's like I am trying to quite smoking, only it's food, and I can't live without that!" Not sure if the analogy holds, but I was really feeling deprived.

Yesterday my honey toasted up a bagel and I just wanted to die from the wonderful odor.

So, today, along with my soft scrambled eggs (legal) I buttered a piece of soft bread (buttermilk). It didn't require any chewing, but it was so nice. So very, very nice.

#2 Post by **Lillers** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 2:15 pm

Good for you, nvcarissa! Maybe some yummy pasta soon?

#3 Post by **nvcarissa** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 6:53 pm

Actually, I have been able eat pasta, as long as I cook it to death and mash it up. Not quite the same to someone that thinks that al dente is the only proper way to cook pasta.

Tonight I made tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches (1/2 a sandwich for me, just in case I couldn't eat it I didn't want to waste it). Anyway, I dipped my sandwich in the soup and broke off small pieces of it and I nearly felt normal. T'was simple, but very delicious

It will be nice when I can start doing exercises to open my bite again. I can't even fit two fingers width in my mouth.

#4 Post by **nvcarissa** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 6:53 pm

delete double post

#5 Post by **nvcarissa** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 7:59 pm

Lucy - recovered ED here... Now that food doesn't hold any terror for me and I have learned to just enjoy it and use it to nourish my body, this feels a lot like the prison I had myself in those many years. Only...someone else is forcing it on me. I understand why, but it is stirring up weird emotions in me. Good food / bad food...not liking this so much. Just a couple more weeks!!

#6 Post by **nvcarissa** » Mon Jul 17, 2006 10:24 pm

For me it's about listening to my body and my mind. I've learned that there are no bad foods. I quit playing the "Change Your Body, Change Your Life" game, and it's quite freeing.

I've always been a relatively healthy food eater, but when I want chocolate or french fries or whatever, I have them. I just really try to listen to my body and determine when it is full AND, if I am thinking of bingeing or dieting, I have learned to stop and take a look at What Is Going On that is causing me to engage in those old behaviors again. It's not about the food. It never was. Feel free to PM me if you like.

#7 Post by **nvcarissa** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 8:40 am

There are so many things I desire to eat when I get back to chewing. I will just wait and see what my body tells me to go for.

So sorry about your sister. Fortunately, I was never in such dire circumstances, but I do know that EDs never really let go. And it is even more difficult when there are people literally enabling the behavior. Tragic.

#8 Post by **nvcarissa** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 9:12 pm

I had to go out of town today...270 miles from home (it's my job!) so I am spending the night here (Elko, NV). I took myself to dinner and ordered salmon with mashed potatoes and gravy. I was pretty much able to smash the softer parts of the salmon. They served carrots with the meal, but did not cook them quite done enough to smash with my fork. There were about two pieces that I was able to smash and that was all. All in all though, my stomach is very happy as I type this in my motel room.

I forgot my meds at home, so this will be the first night in two weeks that I will not have my valium before bed. Will let you all know if I wake up with clenching pain. I took some extra Advil, just as prevention.

I see my ortho tomorrow and called my OS today to see if I could get my ligs changed. The OS had originally said that my ortho could only look at my teeth but not do anything. However, the phone call I got back said he okayed the change of the ligs if the ortho was really gentle. What I may choose to do is just have them change my top ligs and leave my lower jaw alone. I just want to go back to my magenta ligs!!

#9 Post by **nvcarissa** » Tue Jul 18, 2006 9:43 pm

Yeah, that is my plan. I really don't think I want to chance messing with my lower jaw.

#10 Post by **nvcarissa** » Wed Jul 19, 2006 5:27 am

Well, I am awake and except for the usual morning puffiness and stiffness in my jaw, I feel pretty good. I am a bit sore, but not the excrutiating pain of a few weeks ago. I think I am going to attempt no valium tonight at home and see how things work.

I also slept on nice new pillows at the motel, so when I am in Reno today I think I am going to pick up some new ones for our bed, maybe a new spread while I am at it.

I gotta go check out, get some gas and hit the road. I probably won't see any of you until much later today.

Meryaten, smile and smile 2006 --- In Solidarity!!!

Good thoughts to Anabel who is undergoing her surgery today!