Poll - other peoples' comments on your teeth

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#16 Post by **Boolajoojoo** » Mon Jan 29, 2007 1:19 pm

I have not been braced yet but I've already made the decision to get it done, and I kind of worry about what people will say. The few friends that I've mentioned the complaints about my teeth to, say that don't see a problem or they don't see it as being "that bad", no matter how glaring I think my problems are. A couple of my friends are like me and have problems with their teeth that their parents never had addressed, and with them they have to point out that they hate their teeth more and that they think my teeth aren't as bad as theirs instead of agreeing with me and resolving to find a way to fix it if we're so self conscious about it.

I don't really mentioned it to anyone anymore that I'm going to go through with braces because it's just an annoying conversation to have and it doesn't matter to anyone but me. I'm a little bit apprehensive about how people... especially my friends... will comment. I don't ever have to bring up it up to anyone again, and hopefully not a lot of people say anything if they notice. I'm just doing it for me, but if someone else comments or asks questions like "Why? they weren't that bad," I know I will feel self conscious, and feel like I have to defend or explain myself. Probably I'm just paranoid, but I also worry a little bit about jealousy or animosity from certain people that want to do the same but think they can't afford it (though it's not like I can afford this either. Who can really? And I'm probably selling my car and having to give up a lot of other comforts and opportunities for this, so maybe those people will see that it is not just a privilege of mine but that there are sacrifices I have to make for it because it's really that important to me)

#17 Post by **JoeMama** » Mon Jan 29, 2007 1:45 pm

I think that type of comment is certain people's way of trying to be polite. I've heard that a few times and I've always taken it as them trying to tell me that they've never noticed my crooked teeth (even if they have and they're lying). They just don't want you to feel bad.

Consider the alternative, how would this make you feel? "oh - you have braces - THANK GOD you're fixing those horrible teeth." Or "it's about time!"

Of course they could just not say anything, but people tend comment on things regardless of whether or not we've asked for thier opinion. I'm pregnant right now and you should hear the crazy things people say to me, unsolicited. You just have to ignore them and not take it personally. And I like to think that they're not really trying to be rude, that they mean well. But it doesn't always come across that way.

#18 Post by **Skylark** » Mon Jan 29, 2007 3:31 pm

I've had the odd comment like this as my teeth don't look obviously crooked so I just focus on the fact that my teeth are slipping and I need to improve my bite. (Although half the reason is to sort my smile).

I agree that if people say your teeth are fine, it's usually either because they hadn't noticed the crookedness, or because they're being kind, but it does make me feel a bit awkward. Interestingly one of my best friends was the only person who has actually made me feel silly and vain (she's abroad now and doesn't know I've had them done).

Since I've had ceramics (a month ago) I've been amazed by the lack of attention they've created! I can count on one hand the people who've commented - and that goes for the kids I teach in school.

I do still feel a bit self conscious and worry what people are thinking, but it seems that they really aren't a big deal at all. In fact, judging by the lack of people noticing, I don't think anyone ever looked at my teeth anyway- and I have a big smile!

But I'm glad I'm doing this, for my smile and my bite. I don't think I'm vain - just self conscious.

Website · #19 Post by **alexa** » Mon Jan 29, 2007 3:37 pm

Well, considering the horrible state of my teeth prior to treatment, I can't say I ever hear that.

However, I found out recently that I become enraged when someone says, "Well you just got them for cosmetic reasons.."

My friend meant nothing by that whatsoever, but I got mega irritated and started going on about how if you don't put teeth in their proper positions, tooth and gum decay can take place. I went to great lengths to explain that it was completely medical.

Which of course, is a lie, because I know that the only reason I ever went to see an orthodontist is because I hated how I looked. I don't know why I want to deny the cosmetic benefits all of a sudden. I don't know...I don't want to seem shallow? Who knows. It was just a surprise to me (and to him!

) that I got all bent out of shape about it.

#20 Post by **Skylark** » Mon Jan 29, 2007 3:49 pm

I know, it's hard to admit that most of us are doing this, at least partially, to improve how our smiles look.

A friend I know had a boob job and got judged horribly for doing something solely for cosmetic reasons (though she still says it's the best thing she's ever done.) Luckily most people in braces are also doing it for medical reasons - bad bites, etc. so we can focus on that to explain our decision!

I do think that some people who make comments like that also wish they had the guts to improve their teeth or whatever makes them self-conscious. They just envy us for being brave!

#21 Post by **overseasmel** » Mon Jan 29, 2007 4:41 pm

Everyone but my family seemed to think I was a little mad to spend all this money on my teeth, particularly with the surgery and expansion as well as braces. It did seem that people thought I was being a little vain. Being self-conscious about that, I tended to be like Alexa and highlight the medical/health necessity of getting the work done (with the occasional dash of exaggeration), and this was an aspect noone ever took issue with!

I suppose some people say that kind of thing as a compliment, figuring its better than saying "yeah your teeth were pretty horrible before, well done"...!

In their defence they probably can't win, unless they just say "well, you looked bloody good already, but I'll bet you look even better after this!"

#22 Post by **Gennel** » Mon Jan 29, 2007 4:43 pm

Yes! I've had a bunch of people tell me that. I thought they were being sarcastic. But they kept insisting and telling me " I swear your teeth were fine!" Please take a look at my first day in braces! lol

[img][img]http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y200/g ... view-1.jpg[/img][/img]

Gennel

#23 Post by **Pepper** » Mon Jan 29, 2007 6:11 pm

I didn't tell any of my friends about getting braces, so when I showed up at school with them, I got a lot of people asking me, "Wow, why did YOU get braces?" and, "If YOU need them, I guess I do too!" and stuff like that.

The only reason my teeth looked so good before was because I didn't show off my bottom row, and my bottom row was pretty messed up...plus my bite was really off, but that's just not something you notice.

So...I can understand why people asked me those questions, but WOW, it got old and kind of obnoxious really fast. It, at the time, almost felt like they were trying to talk me out of it or make me feel bad/weird about it.

#24 Post by **vivi21** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:58 am

yes lisa 65 i know what u mean

i had the same thing happen with some friend and my boss she always tells me when she gets a chance i don't know why u went and got braces u didn't needed but yes i did my front teeth were really crocked like a vampire and i have onother really bad one on the bottom to tell u the truth i thougt about this comments before and i still don't know if they are kind of making fun

or they are just trying to be nice

and my friend went she saw me she leaves in phoenix she said the same thing but of course she has a nice smile, o and by the way my boss just went and spend 20,000 on her mouth not braces but i felt like telling her why u did that like she tells me i hope she understands that i just want to have a nice smile and feel better about my self well

#25 Post by **manglemouth** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 5:28 am

When I told a friend that I was going to get braces, she told me she had no idea I needed braces and that my teeth looked fine to her. It is obvious that my teeth are crooked but I wasn't offended at all, I felt like she didn't know what else to say and tried to be nice by playing down the severity of my case.

#26 Post by **Victoria** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 7:16 am

When I told my best friend I was getting my teeth done, she responsed with: But you had braces as a child - your teeth are fine. But what she did not remark is how terrible my teeth looked now, after my wisdom teeth came out. And they truly look terrible.
I have had braces for 3 months, and just a couple of days ago the same friend said to me that she saw so much change. And was very understandable about why I wanted to get my teeth fixed. (she of course has perfect teeth). I was so happy and think that she just did not want to harm my feelings to start of with

#27 Post by **maia1orual** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:25 pm

well, pretty much everyone i know has said, "oh, you're teeth are fine. i don't know why you'd put yourself through this." and my friend's husband went so far as to add " . . .at the prime of your life!" as if this was the worst thing that could ever happen to a 24 year old. *sigh*
i always feel like i have to justify myself, but bottom line -- my teeth are crooked and crowded, i have alot of other dental problems that aren't so obvious, and most importantly -- i hate the way my teeth look! so, when people ask or comment like that it really does bother me b/c they basically are suggesting that i'm making a poor decision.

#28 Post by **tommyfive** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 5:43 pm

I'll go based on what my dentist said and ignore the non-supportive comments.

my dentist summed it up about like this:

"tommy, it's a great thing to be doing for yourself. you and i know what you're doing here, so don't worry about what people say. you won't regret it."

and i can add that i have been looking at my teeth several times a day for the last 20 years; i don't think many other people can say they see all that's to be seen, so how can they know?

i can think of several places the comments will come from. most of them are not out of being mean, but we probably all know someone who has it in them to be mean about it too. (i do)

jealousy, sympathy, empathy, surprise, ignorance, love. most from love I think - they don't see your imperfections. sometimes just the shock of a change makes people say things they don't think about. many people don't think about what their words do to others (until after the words are already out there). i know i'm guilty of that myself sometimes (a lot!).

i'll have my braces on in about a month, and i have spoken to only a few so far aside from my wife. paraphrased from people who've had anything to say so far:

parents: good for you; glad you had the chance to do it and took the opportunity! sorry we couldn't do that for you when you were a kid.

sister-in-law: you? why? why would you do that to yourself?

friends (a couple): man, i wore braces as a kid, i wouldn't put myself through that again!

that's about it (so far). maybe i'll have more to say after i have them on and i make my first visit to the office...

anyway, i think i'll know when people are just being mean (which should not be all that often!), otherwise i'll just try to let it roll.

#29 Post by **serendipity** » Tue Jan 30, 2007 5:56 pm

I got this comment alot when I first got my braces.

It actually made me feel abit better though

. Going into this journey I felt depressed about my teeth but knowing that other people didn't even notice made me feel abit better.

Although on the flip side of that I'm not sure if that's just something people say when they don't know what to say...

~serendipity~

#30 Post by **vivi21** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 5:17 am

hi maia1orual i related alot with u and other pleople but yea went u said that comment about ... at this prime of your life i'm also 24 & i had that said to me too & i feal as upset as u did like we are making the wrong decision, but to tell u the truth i have got more confident were i really know i didn't make the wrong decision and i'm actully really proud of my braces an i'm glad that i had the opportunity to do something about it.

so hey everyone keep your head up