Did you tell your friends about the surgery?

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#1 Post by **palht** » Wed Apr 08, 2009 7:39 am

Hi guys,

Just some curiosity. Did you guys notify your friends/classmates of your surgery? What were their reactions? Or you kept that a secret and only told them after you had been through it? Then, what were their reactions seeing you totally different?

I have an underbite, and I'm going to have a surgery this May. I just told my best friend about it... Still don't know if I should tell others or not, because there will be a huge change about the way I look (especially my profile). I'm worried that they may talk behind my back about this change, may even badmouth that I have done some "cosmetic surgery"!

What should I do? Should I write a blog's post before that major day? Seeking empathy/sympathy for my surgery?

#2 Post by **brendan** » Wed Apr 08, 2009 8:14 am

haha i wouldnt trip man.

i have my facebook main picture right now of me swollen like crazy and 20+ people have commented on it.

better that they know you had ortho surgery than suspecting you had 'plastic surgery' afterwards or whatever?

#3 Post by **marycotter5678** » Wed Apr 08, 2009 8:56 am

I was worried about the same thing.. I told only like 2 people about the POSSIBILITY of me getting this surgery and one of them mentioned "isnt that cosmetic.. how will insurance cover it" and I just sai no its to fix my bite.
But I feel liek people are jugemental and a lot of them will think its just for cosmetic reasons... it makes me angry =/

#4 Post by **chicago29** » Wed Apr 08, 2009 9:13 am

This is a very personal decision and you need to find out what makes you comfortable. I suggest thinking about this and determining your approach BEFORE your actual procedures are done.

Personally, I started a blog about a month before my first surgery, and emailed about 30 friends and family that I wanted to know about all of this. However, there are many people I still won't tell about the surgery, even if I see them. I know they can tell something happened because I have a gap from the SARPE and I have these dreaded expanders which impact my speech...

The bottom line is people are going to notice, and you will be best served thinking about what will make you comfortable. And, don't be embarrassed about not sharing details with some people. Frankly, it isn't everybody's business. In those situations, I just say "I had some jaw surgery that was required for medical reasons", and I leave it at that. Usually that's enough to get them to zip it

#5 Post by **Emaciated** » Wed Apr 08, 2009 9:18 am

I suggest being very open about it with your friends but maybe keeping it from your family or people who will worry about you. Why make them worry more than they need to. Tell your parents/siblings etc. maybe a week or a few days before the surgery so its too late for them to feel the need to talk you out of it, and to spare yourself the stress of dealing with their concerns. As far as friends and colleagues, I think its easier on the psyche if you let everyone know up front that you are going through this process and that you will look different. (I mean if they ask or if it comes up. Don't run around spouting about it 24/7 but be open about it if people ask about your braces or what have you). This will reduce the shock-factor when you return all puffy and bruised and people will be more supportive if they're prepared for it.

People will talk about you behind your back, but who cares, you wont hear it. Plus it will likely be "Did you see how different Palht looks? He/she looks great!" People also don't care as much as we think they do. They're worried about how they look more then how you look. Its something everyone of us has to deal with, "the big reveal." Its easier to adjust to than you imagine in your head, just like every other aspect of this surgery. The anticipation/fear is so much worse then when you actually go through it. And after a month or two everyone will be used to seeing your new face anyway and will forget what you used to look like.

You might find these related threads useful to read through...

Telling people your getting surgery..
viewtopic.php?t=24985

How to tell people
viewtopic.php?t=29472

#6 Post by **crazybeautiful** » Wed Apr 08, 2009 3:16 pm

My family know anyway simply because it's something that was suggested to us when I was about 13/14, so it's just been a matter of waiting until I'd stopped growing (I was 18 when I had SARPE, and now waiting for the bimax).

My closest friend at uni knows I will be having surgery, and I think I will tell friends from college/old friends just because they knew ages ago and to finally tell them I'm having it!

But to be honest, people just generally don't understand these things, and I think it's important to establish that is isn't plastic surgery if you want to, but other than that it will generally go oer their heads. This is exactly why I love this board- because we can give eachother far more support than our friends and relatives purely on a basis of higher understanding and empathy.

#7 Post by **palht** » Wed Apr 08, 2009 5:50 pm

Hi guys,

Thanks so much for your replies (especially the links from you, KarlClayLA). I feel much better to see that many are in the same situation.

Actually, I am really lucky to have my whole family side by side with me. Though at first, my parents were quite scared with the idea of a surgery, later when they saw how much difficulty and "sorrow" and "pain" that I had, they grew more understanding and supported me since. And my best friend, she got quite shocked when I told her about the surgery, but after I explained roughly for her, she became really supportive. And I really appreciated that!

About other people, perhaps I just tell other close friends in my class, and some people I consider will be supportive instead of questioning me all the way. Other inconsiderate people, maybe just leave them there! I really want to experiment the "shock factor" after the surgery! Haha!

Again, thanks a bunch, friends!

#8 Post by **changes09** » Thu Apr 09, 2009 8:22 am

My parents knew I wanted this since I was small....since the first time I had braces. And my husband has known I wanted this since we have been married. I work in a very small dental clinic and I told EVERYONE! I was just so excited, and I did/do not care what they think/thought. All I know is that I want this and I am getting this no matter what.

#9 Post by **descantus** » Thu Apr 09, 2009 8:39 am

Hi Palht,

Good question! As a fellow underbiter i've been giving a lot of thought myself. I have already told my closest and most supportive friends, but other friends and colleagues I see daily will simply be told that I'm having surgery to sort out a long standing bite problem. As for people I only see occasionally i'm not saying anything. If they do ask i'll just say it's amazing what modern orthodontics can do today/brace made a huge difference blah blah blah etc. It's none of their business anyway.

If you want to keep it simple though, just stick with the surgery-to-fix-longstanding-functional-problem and brush it off as not a major thing. If anyone probes further then give them a quick blast of orthognatic surgery-speak! I find that a few minutes droning on about maxilliary retrusion, horizontal osteotomy and LeFort 1 is enough to put off even the most determined nosey parker

#10 Post by **shazmuls** » Thu Apr 09, 2009 1:26 pm

Yeah I suggest you defintely tell friends, keep it medically toned, talk about functional benefits such as teeth actually meeting as opposed to great (hopefully) it will make you look.

I told them and then couple of days later sent them a few youtube vids via email to demostrate that it's not some mad surgery and regular joes get it done.

Good links about it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVfWkx1en54
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pEbMlzQW-A

best of luck

#11 Post by **monarch** » Fri Apr 10, 2009 3:25 pm

Our surgeon said that most people won't even know when someone has had jaw surgery, even if they look better. For one thing, they will not have seen the person for a few weeks, and then when they do, they may think you have just gotten a new haircut or something.

My son just had his surgery, and he's still so puffy that we can't tell at all how he will look. But in a few weeks, it'll be interesting to see if anyone notices.

#12 Post by **monarch** » Fri Apr 10, 2009 3:28 pm

Our surgeon said that most people won't even know when someone has had jaw surgery, even if they look better. For one thing, they will not have seen the person for a few weeks, and then when they do, they may think you have just gotten a new haircut or something.

My son just had his surgery, and he's still so puffy that we can't tell at all how he will look. But in a few weeks, it'll be interesting to see if anyone notices.

#13 Post by **Vena** » Sat Apr 11, 2009 2:24 am

I think you should definitely NOT be ashamed about having this surgery, or the reasons for it. It's enough to have to live with an underbite without dealing with people being nasty about you fixing it. All I said was that I was having surgery to correct my bite, as my bottom teeth were in front of the top, and left it at that. There's only a few close friends and family that have some inkling about how miserable I was beforehand, psychologically. I did start going to see a counsellor through uni though a bit late, about a week beforehand and will continue to do so to talk through some of the issues that this whole process has raised. Again, I can't reiterate how important it is that you don't feel embarrassed or ashamed for wanting to do this.

I told almost everyone I came across about it. I had such a lot of movement, that it was going to be a huge difference. And having braces at an older age tends to mean it crops up in conversation. You'd be surprised - a lot people I spoke to about it said 'oh yeah, I had a friend/relative that had it done a few years back...'

It helps now, having the support of my close friends and seeing their reactions at how I look now, even though I'm still a bit swollen.

#14 Post by **ali01** » Sat Apr 11, 2009 5:46 pm

I only told my family and my closest friends but i found that by the time i returned to my normal life, everyone kind of knew anyway :p and were very supportive.

I did run into a friend who i havent seen in a while the other day, she didnt really seem to pick up on anything anyways :p

Definitely tell the people you are close to.. great to have the support and help!!!

#15 Post by **palht** » Sat Apr 11, 2009 6:58 pm

Thank you, everyone! There is nowhere I can find so many supportive people like here!

It has been a while since I last logged in; and when I came back, I felt quite touching to see so many advice from you guys. Reading them made me feel much better!

Actually, I think the problem I have been worried about depends on the culture as well.

In my country, orthognathic surgery is kinda odd, strange; it is nearly the new concept to many people. So if you tell them you're gonna go through that surgery, they will have many exclaimations like, "why do you need that?", "Omg, it sounds so dangerous, you should not do that"... And then I have to explain what my condition is (though I really do not like it). This happened when my mother told some of my relatives about it. Sure there was a big Shock Factor on their faces at that time.

Even braces seem to be "weird" right here. When I got them on, many of my friends kept observing me when (they thought) I did not notice. Once in a while, some inconsiderate people (sadly, including one girl I thought was the closest I had in class) even made fun of my underbite. They talked not behind my back, but in front of me or with me standing near them! Some guys even came to me and told me what was wrong with my teeth. Like I did not know that!

And one girl even asked me why my braces took so long and I did not have any teeth extracted. Why didn't they see me as I am, but instead just focused on my braces and my bite? Though I knew that they really didn't mean to make me sad, those years could have been the worst time of my life. But thanks to my parents and my sweet sister, life was much easier. Thanks to them, I could still stay cheerful in those years.

That's why I really hesitate to tell others about my surgery. Then they will focus on my underbite again, and I don't feel comfortable with that.

But I planned sth like this: after the surgery, if they ask me why I've changed so much, I just tell them that the braces have done a really good job, and my ortho succeeded in pushing my jaw back. That's that! But I don't know if it would work or not. Hope it will!

Again, thank you so much, you guys. Thanks for all the tips and advice. Best of luck to all of you.