Male Adult getting braces - impact on single life??

[Stew Bear]

Hello all, newbie here! So, the good bit - I AM going to get braces

BUT it is a matter of when. It is either now (late May)... or in several years time...

So I would really appreciate the experiences/advice/input of you all here - everyone on this forum seems so very supportive of one another.

So my particular concerns are those facing a single 25 year old male... In my mind, probably wrongly, I seem to feel that getting braces is easier as a teenager (when lots of your friends have them too), and easier as an adult when you are settled down (engaged/married etc). I am neither, and am anxious about the impact of braces on my confidence, my social life, dating and meeting someone.

I have read a lot of responses of "if someone isn't interested in you because of braces, they are shallow and you don't want them", and I DO 100% agree. BUT my concern isn't about that... it's about the impact on my self confidence - if I hold myself back because of the braces, then it is harder to meet or gain the attention of the ones worth meeting?? I certainly don't want to lose 2 years to low confidence. If I feel that will be the case, I'll probably delay the braces until I have settled down with a partner.

Am really interested to hear the experiences of other single adults with their braces - all comments/advice is much appreciated!

[lovelyleo]

I don't know from a male perspective, but as a 24 yr old female I try not to let my braces hold me back. Although on a subconscious level I do think they do a little bit. Braces don't take away my attractiveness, but they don't add to it either on a physical level. They are creating a beautiful smile, but a mouth full of metal is not by all means attractive to ME. I think people tend to judge their own attractiveness by what they find attractive. Meaning a person who hates the appearance of braces in their own mouth will think of themselves less attractively. A person has no idea what the opposite/same sex is thinks about their physical attractiveness unless, they ask. Attractiveness has many different levels and some people don't look at them depending on what type of relationship they are looking for, i.e. Friendship, Life Partner, or One Night Stand. You are not going to be concerned about personality of a One Night Stand versus a potential wife because its not as important. With all that I would say if you do meet a potential mate, she should not be too concerned about the braces because it is only temporary and will be gone shortly. She should be concerned more so about your personality, goals, etc. I personally think of my braces as a good filter. Men are just concerned about the physical are immediately weeded out of my dating pool. This is important to me because I am looking for something more meaningful than a One Night Stand

[Le]

Hi and welcome!
Honestly this was one of my major concerns in getting braces too. I am 27 and single, also a female so I can only give you my experiences so far (I have now had braces about 2.5 weeks).
I never had super crooked teeth, so I wasn't afraid to smile etc. BB (before braces) and I never had a huge amount of trouble attracting the opposite sex.
In getting braces I told myself that it would be a year plus with no admirers, boyfriends, or kisses! It would suck but wouldn't kill me, maybe a chance to get my life in order, work hard etc.

The first few days in braces were pretty demoralising... I work with young people and they can be pretty ruthless in their assesment of you! But again I prepared myself for this and pretended to be all brave and fine about it.

As for males, I had told a couple BB not to start liking me because I would be ugly soon. And yeah, I still feel ugly most of the time but I am smiling again and figure that braces actually allow me to weed out the guys who would only be interested in how I look. Male attention has not waned that much which is kind of nice, and yes I have been out on a couple of dates with a boy after getting braces. For some ppl its just not an issue. It has also helped me immensely in not being so vain, and realising that I am more than how I look.

For my 2 cents worth, I say go for it now and don't worry about waiting. It will never be perfect timing...

[Stew Bear]

Wow thank you for the speedy replies! It certainly helps!

I too don't have a terrible smile as it is - finally got the confidence to use it in the last few years. But I have an annoying bite which is why I want to get braces at some point.

I don't mind the braces working so much as a filter - this is a good thing weeding out the bad people! It is pretty superficial to knock someone back because of braces, all that said I wonder if I'll be "filtering myself" from meeting people through that feeling ugly thing... I guess this is my number one concern. Haha I have this worst case vision of braces making me a lonely guy with low confidence for two of his prime years in the 20s! Lol

I also wonder if it is harder for single adult guys or girls? A few friends reckon braces is harder for the guys. I do see *some* merit in this, but it is probably equally hard.

Yeah I suppose you are right about the timing never being right, guess my ultimate decision comes down to whether it is easier when settled down with someone.

[bstars]

Hi Stew Bear,

Did you check if Invisialign can do the thing for you? I have also got them just last month. I feel comfortable with the people I see everyday, but still avoid or feel conscious whom i haven't seen after being braced.

If your smile looks good already, and bite isn't that bothering, I would atleast go to the ortho, get my options of braces & time, and then decide

[Andromeda]

I am a 24 year old married female. I don't know what it's like to be single with braces but I figure I can tell you the married side and you can compare to those who post about the single side. I have had them for over a year and am scheduled to get them off next month. I do struggle with self confidence still sometimes just when meeting new people in general or when I see someone who I maybe haven't seen in a long time who doesn't know I have braces. It's sort of embarrassing for me sometimes but honestly I have gotten a lot more confident than I used to be when I first got them. And I actually don't mind smiling anywhere near as much as I used to before I got the braces. I just had 2 teeth that really bothered me before and now they are fixed so at least I have a nice smile UNDER the braces haha.

But really, I have noticed overwhelmingly that other people don't care about the braces, but if you are gonna feel self conscious no matter what, then you may as well get it over with asap. It would probably be really nice to have it all done before getting married. And not to be a downer, but everyone's timing is different when it comes to finding the right person. So what if you dont settle down for another decade? Do you really wanna wait that long... and who knows what kind of wear your teeth are going through from a bad bite in the meantime. Seems like one of the most common comments I see on here is "I wish I would have done it sooner"....

Good luck with your decision!!!!

[Stew Bear]

Invisalign - my ortho (who is very highly regarded which is why I sought him out) doesn't reckon it can achieve what I want. That said I may go elsewhere and see what they say.

This is true - who knows when you meet that person? On that front beginning to lean towards "getting it over and done with" now. And hey I might have better luck finding a partner because they bad ones have been turned away lol

Andromeda you commented that it is embarrassing sometimes, how do you go socially? I am out and about until the early hours most weekends - which is where I guess I may run into more superficial type people.

Thank you for all your input - it is good to have an idea of what I'm going to confront before committing to it.

[Andromeda]

Let me add that I would have gotten braces when I was single in a minute if I could have afforded it. I met my husband in college and we got married right after graduation. Then I got my first job and had health insurance and money coming in, so I got in to see an ortho as soon as I could.

In college I was also out late most nights doing the bar and party scene but I was just as embarrassed of my teeth back then as I am now with braces. My teeth weren't that bad I guess, but I suffered from self confidence issues because of them before anyway so the self confidence issues have just switched focus from crooked teeth to braces on my teeth, but that will all be over in a month! I know my husband would not have cared if I had braces on when I met him and I don't think it would have changed anything.

[CactusZAF]

Hi and welcome Stew Bear, I'm a 33 year old single male and have had my braces for about 20 months now. All I can say is they've done me a world of good on the confidence front, when I first got them it was hell as a couple of my colleagues (me included) love ripping each other off so I was the butt of a fair number of jokes. Due to the "sink or swim" nature of people I got over the confidence issues and am now a much more social person than I was before braces, I'm also way more self confident and comfortable with myself and could quite honestly not care a stuff what other people think about my physical appearance. There are obviously still situations you have to (as a metal mouth) be careful of such as eating certain things in public as well as spending time away from home with company, but these things are easily dealt with.

The only major problem I've had with this whole "braces" thing is that I'm now super critical of everyone else's teeth (Ifind myself micro analyzing other peoples teeth in my mind when I meet new people).

Good luck with your decision, and remember it is what you make of it!

[beth1966]

Hi - I too have heard many many times 'if someone doesn't want you because you have braces then they are not worth it". If I had a nickel for every time I heard that - I could pay for my braces! LOL

Everyone means well and it is true, BUT just the same, it isn't easy to think about being single and getting ready for braces. Sadly there are people out there who will judge you because your wearing braces - and whose to say any of us on here might not have done the same thing at one point in our lives and before entering into this entire experience. No one can say for certain - atleast that is what I believe.

I just wanted to say I completely understand what you are saying and what you are worried about. Big difference between you and I is - I am female and I am 43. I too thought hmmm, if I meet someone and get settled in a relationship - THEN I will get braced. But no one knows when that will happen - those things can't be planned.

You are only 25! I know in your mind that doesn't mean much, that your in your prime 20's and you want to be in a relationship - but seriously even if you don't date for 2 years, you'll only be 27, I'll be 45!!! LOL.
And believe me, you think your in your 'prime' now -but when your in your 30's you'll say the same, and maybe the same in your 40's.

Personally I'm at the point where I'm preparing myself that I might not be dating for 2 years. I admit I am too vain a person regarding my appearance. I'm an attractive woman who does not look 43, and I take great care of myself. I'm also realistic about the fact that I like the way I look better without braces then how I will look with them on!

All that being said - as others point out - there is never a good time, it is for your health and future of your teeth, your going to have a beautiful smile, it's only temporary - and your in EXCELLENT company!

I think we need to create an adults with braces dating website! HAHAHA!

I wish you all the best - and encourage you to go for it now, trust me if 'the one' comes along - she's going to love you braced or not. I really do believe that. For me, I might miss "the one" because I might not put myself out there while being braced - - - but then I say 'what is meant to be will be'.

I hope this helps you a little -

[sisi]

Hey there

I have to say that even before I had braces if I met a guy with braces I would be impressed with the fact that he cared about his health and I would also be very impressed that he had the courage. There is nothing more attractive than confidence - a single male adult with braces would exude confidence (in my eyes).

Also, I would be thinking "this guy is only going to get better looking with time!" LOL sorry for superficiality!

sisi

[magster]

Hi everyone!

I definitely agree with Sisi - and also if I met an older guy (mid 20's whatever age he would be) I would think that he is very confident because he got braces and didnt care what people though of him..


and I agree with many others - there is never a perfect time.

[Stew Bear]

Hey all thank you for all this feedback – it is very useful – keep it coming if you have more to add!

@Andromeda: You are definitely making me think the as soon as possible option is the way to go! Plus that would take the indecision out of it.

@CactusZAF: Great to hear a single male perspective here, thank you. I think you are right in it is as much what I make of it more than anything. I know I’ll cop it from the boys pretty harsh, sounds like you did too. I guess at the moment I don’t have confidence issues, but did when younger, just worried that they may come back. From your experience, it may even make me more confident again! Look if they don’t impede upon the single life then I have no issues. And perhaps that is all in the spin that you put on it personally. But I don’t know how I’ll react when I feel I’m shut down by some girl because of them, yes I can and will try to think “great, she isn’t worth it!â€

[catfish]

I don't think my experience will be that helpful to you, since I was 47 years old and had been married for 21 years when I got my braces. But you might read Blake's story for a young single male perspective.
viewtopic.php?t=29462&highlight=blake

Have you looked into linguals? They are attached to the inside of your teeth, and are very discreet.

[Lingualita]

I just wanted to follow up on this thread.

I've wanted braces since I was 16, I am now 23, but I felt so reluctant to take the plunge due to vain reasons. I am the first to admit that it's not the pain and the money that have kept me off from getting braces for 7 years, it's the fact that I'm afraid of how people will react to my looks. I know that a lot of people don't feel like that, but I did.

But as it just bothered me more and more I finally went to see an ortho, and he proposed linguals. I've had lingual braces for three months now, and I've already started to see a bit of changes. I would really recommend them. I'm norwegian, so I don't know how it's like for you, but the costs are a bit higher, but imo definately worth the extra cost.

They are quite discrete. I smile more now than BB. They don't really show unless I have my mouth open and people see them from a certain angle. I haven't got one single comment so far, except from my friends when I've "shown" them my braces. I don't know if people don't see them, don't care or don't want to be rude by commenting, but at least they haven't.

Anyhow, I'm really glad so far, and I feel my confidence is already rising. When I've told people I'm getting/have got braces most people actually think I am REALLY brave. And I start to think so too.

in summary: If you have the money/opportunity, from my experince so far, I would definately go for lingual braces. Good luck!