Need some reassurance

[PrincessLea]

Hey guys and gals,

I'm due to get my surgery in 2 weeks and I'm struggling with dealing with everything Sorry to offload on everyone but its difficult to talk through this with friends and family who never quite understand....

The reason I'm struggling so much is because of everything else I've got going on in my life surrounding this operation. Me and my boyfriend have just bought our first house together and moved in. This meant me moving out of my family home and to a new town which is stressful enough. I do feel a little bit homesick/lonely but I KNOW this will pass. However, the week we moved out my boyfriend's mum got diagnosed with terminal cancer and given months to live. Dealing with all this is extremely difficult.

I worry about what its going to be like after the operation as I'm pretty needy and, selfishly, as I've known I've needed this surgery for I while I thought its okay I'll get through it as I know my BF is my rock and he will be there 100% for me. Obviously I understand now that he can't be with me 100% (mostly emotionally) and I'm already struggling a bit as just the build up to it is draining.

So I guess I just wanted to vent a bit. I've read how difficult people find it after the op emotionally and physically and that depression can easily set in. Has anyone else had to go through the op as well as major other stuff in your life right at the same time??? How did you deal with it?? I can't postpone as he doesn't want me too, I've waited too long, I have a lot of symptoms from my bite that make me feel rubbish all the time and, morbidly, if we don't get the op out of the way now while she is still here with us then it could be much worse to have it later!!

[keeponsmiling]

Don't delay your surgery! Obviously your boyfriend is going to need you to help him through what will undoubtedly be one of the most horrible periods of his life, but you will find the strength to do it, just as he will find the strength to help you in a couple of weeks' time. Are you still living near your old home? Do you have a good friend or parent who could move in with you temporarily while you're recovering? With so many stressful situations to deal with things are obviously going to be hard. Just take it one day at a time.

[PrincessLea]

Keeponsmiling - Thank you for your kind reply. I suppose I just feel a lot under pressure and stressed at the moment which I'm sure is understandable! Postponing did seem like the best option when we first got the news but I guess you're right and my BF is too. I am best to just go through with it. Its just so daunting knowing how difficult its going to be. And I'm worried about him as he is taking on even more stress with looking after me. My mum is taking some time off and will be visiting me my 2nd week post op every day to make sure I'm okay. But no one will be moving in to help!

I feel so bad for having a big moan

[Marian]

You know looking after you may be just what your boyfriend needs - I'm guessing he is going to feel useless because he can't do anything to help his mum to make her better, he can be very useful to you though.

Let him look after you, help him to feel useful.

From the surgery you may be emotional at first, purely from the general anaesthetic (when i came home I burst into tears when I saw some flowers that my husband had put on the fireplace for my return, and then when I was sat in the bath an hour later I burst into tears, for absolutely no reason - then I was fine).

Do as much prep as you can before surgery ie fill the fridge, freezer and food cupboard (so he doesn't have to wander around the supermarket trying to buy the right thing), record lots of stuff on the telly and get in a good book or two for when you get home from hospital so that he won't feel guilty leaving you on your own. Then let him look after you - I'm sure it will do him some good as well as you.

xx

[PrincessLea]

@Marian - thank you very much for your reply and your kind words! It means a lot and it has certainly helped me to see from another perspective. You are probably right that it may help take his mind off everything else a bit and also he will get satisfaction and feel good about being able to look after me.

He did say last night that he is really worried about seeing me suffer - I really don't want him to worry about this also, even though its natural. I'm doing enough of the worrying for both of us in that respect!!!

[Marian]

Absolutely no problem.

If I were you my way of thinking would be - let's get my op over with and then my boyfriend can concentrate on his mum. At the moment he has two big clouds hanging over him (sorry to describe your op as a big cloud, but you know what I mean ), you can get your op done and get rid of one of those clouds.

He'll be so relieved for you when you've got over your op and you can focus on his mum together.

Big hugs to you both. Marian xx

[lattiee]

Sorry to hear about that and I agree don't postpone the surgery. The sooner you start the quicker your recovery begins and you will soon be comfortable enough to share support to your bf during this hard time.

Yes, its pretty common to be moody for a bit after surgery as I was wishing someone sent me flowers ,gave me a call to ask how I was doing as my brother didn't even do that.

[Marian]

Princess Lea

Did you go ahead with the surgery?

Let us know how things are going...

Best wishes

Marian

[PrincessLea]

Hi Marian,

thank you so much for checking up!

I did go ahead with the op and had it a week ago today! The first few days were really bad. I felt horrible and really regretted going through with it. After the op my bite wasn't right and they were concerned so they banded me fully shut which I wasn't supposed to be having done. This was to retrain my lower jaw muscle as they only did upper jaw surgery! It was so painful with really bad muscle spasms. I'm now definitely out of the worst and I am feeling much better! Just been given the go ahead today to start on soft foods. I'm still banded shut but they want me to remove the bands to eat and put them back on straight away after. Scary after just one week!!

Things are still difficult at home, if not worse than they were but we are getting through it together. I'm really happy its done now as soon it will be one less thing to worry about! Thank you so much for your support!!!

[Marian]

Hi

I'm so pleased to hear everything went ahead and it sounds like you are recovering nicely.

I also currently have my teeth banded together after a second op - the worst part for me is when a yawn comes (even now whilst I'm typing the word it is making me want to yawn!!!)

I bet you feel like a different person now that you are able to eat soft food. I hope you're managing to get your elastics back on ok (I wouldn't be able to do it without tweezers!!!)

It's lovely to hear you sounding positive in your message - keep it going

Marian xx

[PrincessLea]

Thanks Marian! Getting the bands back on is a nightmare. I also make use of my trusty tweezers!! I hate it when it flicks back up into my mouth! Ouch!

Glad to hear you're doing okay We will be on the mend before we know it xx