HELP!!!! obsessing over teeth/ jaw takes over my life.....

[Anna5]

Hello!

I would love to share this problem with you. Since I have become more aware of my bad bite about a year ago, I can't help but obsessing over it, thinking about it all the time, looking at my teeth/jaw in the mirror and then disgusting it (and myself as well). It is always there in my mind, to such an extent that I can't really enjoy life anymore. Sometimes I even find it scaring to talk to people because I think they will all notice my bad teeth. I think I feel so bad about it, because my bad teeth are more or less my own fault (it is all caused by very prolonged thumbsucking) of which I feel very ashamed.

Everybody in my environment thinks I am just fine the way I am, but why can't I be happy with myself then? Why is this (for me mainly) esthetic problem ruling over my life? To such an extent that I find it hard the function properly as a member of society, at work, as a mother of my loving boy, as a wife for my husband... To the extent that I have psychological counselling now and even taking anxiety medication?

In the past I have been diagnosed with BDD. I don't think I have this, because I have a real defect with my teeth/ jaw (open bite, canted upper jaw, unilateral crossbite, crowding). The problem however is that I make it much bigger than it should be, my teeth/ jaw are not worth destroying my life, aren't they?

I have an appointement with my ortho tomorrow, for which I am very afraid already. My jaw has started clicking much louder since a months or so, and I need to talk with him about this. I also want to talk to him about the advantages and disadvantages of surgery. I am in braces for two months now. The ortho recommended surgery for me, but I refused and now I only have braces. Sometimes I think I had better have the surgeries (SARPE and upper jaw surgery), so that all my problems are really getting fixed once and for all. But I am already scared about the thought of surgery and I don't think I am mentallly strong enough to go though this process now. Moreover, I would love to get pregnant again sometime during the coming years ( I am 38 now, so my biological clock is ticking, there is not much time left to give my 3 year old son a lovely brother or sister...), and that may be hard to combine with jaw surgery.

Nobody in my environment thinks I need surgery. My husband is totally against surgery, unless it is for urgent medical reasons. He thinks I am beautiful the way I am. He even doesn't see my jaw problem. I so much wish I could see the beauty in myself as well, even though my jaw isn't straight. People think I had better accept it, because everybody has his flaws, and we don't need to be perfect. Eg my father is 25 kilos overweight, my sister has strabismus, and they both accept it just the way it is and are happy with themselves. Why can't I?

I am sorry for this long and depressing message. I wonder if some of you might recognize these feelings a bit? And how did you overcome them? I so much long to be happy again, with or without a perfect jaw/teeth.... Any thoughts would be very welcome!

[djspeece]

A very touching post. Have you considered psychological counseling for the body image issues? I am not suggesting that it replace orthodontics, but perhaps it would allow you to appreciate you for who you are, and for the changes you are undergoing. It's great that you husband loves you for who you are, and perhaps counseling would help him gain insight as well.

[Anna5]

Thank you, Dan, for your kind message. I already have psychological counselling, which is good. And I am a christian, so I know that God loves me no matter how I look (or at least I should now!). But still it remains hard for me to look in the mirror without focussing on my imperfections, but rather on the whole person I am with lots of beauty as well.

Fortunately, I had an encouraging appointment with my ortho today. He thinks I am making good progress with the braces. He will first continue to straighten my teeth and we will not talk about possible surgery before the end of the year. I think this is good, because in this depression/state of mind I should not decide about invasive jaw surgery for now. I should first learn to appreate myself for who I am and then we will see what may be best for the future (this is also the opinion of my psychologist, husband, friends, relatives and other people in my environment, and I think they are right...).

[djspeece]

Sounds like you are making progress!

[Anna5]

Thanks! But it remains a very big struggle for me....

[Anna5]

Anyone else who is fighting the same struggle as me??? Or recognizing her/himself a litlle bit in my story?

[burtburgerac]

I completely understand where you are coming from and its very difficult to explain to people who haven't had issues with their teeth how much it can affect you. You just have to try and not let the illogical part of your brain take over - which I know is hard and I spend a lot of my time trying to talk sense in to myself!

I was referred for surgery which I refused, but now I am starting to rethink it as I know orthodontics alone won't fix my small bottom jaw. I hate looking at photos of myself and my confidence is really affected by my appearance especially as most of my friends are very attractive so I'm the ugly one! My family get very frustrated with me as they see that I blame all my problems on my appearance but I think on some level it does cause me problems due to my self esteem.

So you're not alone!

[Anna5]

Thank you very much for your message, burtburgerac. I feel sorry for you that you are fighting the same struggle....
It is indeed hard for other people to understand how much misaligned teeth/ jaw can affect you. Therefore I feel often quite alone in my struggle. I hope one day I will be able to free myself from this struggle, either through good counselling in which I will realize that appaerance is not that important (or prayer to God, in my case), or through orthodontics or probably through both.....
The same with you, I initially refused surgery, as it sounds so scary and invasive and I do have a pregnancy wish in the near future. Moreover, I would have to have TWO surgeries to make my teeth perfect. I also reconsider surgery now, but my ortho first wants to straighten my teeth now and then evaluate by the end of this year what else may need to be done. So I should have have patience now, but every day remains a struggle....
My thoughts are also with you! I hope you will make a good decision regarding having surgery or not, but most of all I wish you to regain your confidence and happiness in life.

[Larkwind]

Hi Anna. You sound like a beautiful person and I genuinely hope you find a path to happiness and self-acceptance. What really stuck out to me in your message was that you feel ashamed of how you look. I really think that a lot of us struggle with this for one reason or another, and it can severely decrease our happiness and prevent us from offering the best of ourselves to the world. Other people may not be judging you about your teeth, but you're being very hard on yourself about it and it's effecting your self esteem. This could keep you from not being your best self as a wife, friend, and mom. Especially if you plan on bringing another child into the world, imagine that child missing out on having a happy, joyful, emotionally whole mother who loves life? It is a difficult decision for you right now, but think about where you want to be years from now. You are still young, so whatever decision you make will be for the long-term. The point, however, is that there is no right or wrong decision so long as you make peace with yourself. If you believe the best way to improve your self-esteem and bring back your love of life is to correct your jaw and teeth, you should do it! But if you believe you can love yourself as you currently are, then make that decision and commit to it! Find where your self-worth comes from and dedicate yourself to nurturing it

Best wishes for you!

[Anna5]

Thank you very much for your kind reply and your words of wisdom, Larkwind. You are totally right that I first have to make peace with myself. I have to learn to love myself, despite all my weaknesses and my not perfect teeth and jaw. I have to learn to enjoy life again despite not being perfect and seeing my imperfections very well.
I should not blame myself so rudely about that it is all my own fault because I sucked my thumb for far too long. How can I help it that my parents never helped me to kick this habit when I was young and no dentist or ortho ever warned me.... How can I blame the small child/teenager and even adult I was for sucking her thumb only because she needed some comfort?
I do my very best to make peace with myself now, through psychological counselling, through prayer, through the love of my husband and little son who completely love me the way I am. They love me, with this teeth and jaw. With this teeth and jaw, I married, with this teeth and jaw I gave birth to my son. And I was happy, till the day I realized how much my bite is actually off. So it must be possible to become happy again!
Nobody ever judged me about my teeth and jaw or even made comments about it, so neither should I judge myself so badly about this. I think correcting my teeth and jaw will definitely help me to feel happier again and I am already in this process (I am in braces now). I am still worried about possible surgery in the future, but time will learn what is the best way for me. I still hope and pray my ortho can fix it enough without surgery. But what I hope for the most is that I will become happy again, even if my teeth/ jaw may never become perfect. I don't need to be a Hollywood star, just a happy Anna.

[oimysizex]

Hi Anna.
I know where you are coming from, ever since i recognised i had a problem with my bite, I too became obsessed with my jaw and teeth, my bite actually looks similar to yours.

I sympathise with you because i know how upsetting and depressing it is looking at them, but hey you're getting treatment and will have a perfect smile. The clicking is getting worse because your bite is changing, this is normal, but still mention it to your ortho, mine told me she would make me a bite splint if it gets worse ( to alleviate some pressure).

Only you can decide whether you want the surgery, no one else can decide that for you, although having a detailed chat with your ortho may answer any questions and make you feel better about the situation. You said your husband was against it, why not take him along to an ortho app? she can talk him through the advantages of the surgery, perhaps it will change his mind on the whole situation, but on the plus side, your husband loves you just the way you are!!
You never know, the braces alone may give you a result that are pleasing to you, but you may not get the BEST results WITHOUT surgery.

I hope you feel better soon, once you start to see massive changes with your teeth, you will feel better

[Anna5]

Helllo oimysizex,

Thanks for your kind and encouraging reply. I am sorry for you that you too became obsessed with your teeth and jaw....
I saw in your posts that you are in treatment now and even getting surgery, so your teeth/ jaw will surely turn out great!

I must indeed try to be happy because I am getting treatment now and my smile will surely get better! And I must realize that there is so much more in life than just teeth and jaws that are not perfect...

It is so hard to decide about the surgery. One the one side it is very scary and costly, but on the other side, if that is the way to make me feel happy again, I surely should go that way. Sometimes, I wish I could just get surgery tomorrow and get it all fixed at once forever! But unfortunately, that is not possible.... I already talked with my ortho about it (that I wanted surgery tomorrow!), but for now, he first wants to straighten my teeth, and then (by the end of the year) evaluate what else may need to be done (eg surgery). So I should be patient now and hopefully as happy as possible in the meantime.... And who knows that the braces do wonders and give a result that is pleasing enough for me, I still hope so!

Also thanks for your reassurance about the jaw clicking. I will definitely mention it to my ortho (again), but in the meantime try not to worry about it too much.

I wish you very good luck with your treatment and the emotional process you are going through as well!

Anna

[Angel269]

It's difficult.

i found that I could not easily talk to people when I was out and always worried when people were going to describe me to someone else that my teeth would be in their description

Since I have addressed my upper diastema, I have alot more confidence to talk to people and always knew that my dental phobia held me back receiving treatment sooner

I am so pleased that I have nice smile now, it has made such a difference

[Anna5]

Thanks for your reply, Angel269,
I am glad that you have a nice smile now and that is made such a difference to your self confidence.
I saw your pictures and the transformation of your smile is really amazing, congratulations!

[Yusra]

Hey Anna,


I used to have kind of protruding front teeth (or buck teeth) and very crowded bottom teeth. I got braces and finally got them off, and I can honestly say, that because my bite has changed, I'm having neck and jaw pain every now and then and in rest posture, my mouth is not closed like it was before. I would say that I know it may seem as if your teeth are not looking good and you may obsess over pictures of you and thinking it does not look good, but seriously, I would take my crooked and buck teeth over the pain I am in now. Of course, for many people, braces bring a welcome change but for me, I think that I would rather just go back to the way my teeth were before.
All this, it makes me obsessed about my bite too. I cry and am depressed why I got braces and changed my bite. I can identify with what you're going through because for me, even things that I should enjoy just pass me by because I'm always crying about my teeth and jaw and neck and decision to get braces. You're not the only one. Heck, even just typing about this is making me teary-eyed :(

I hope that you understand that you are beautiful no matter what and people who love you always do and always will see the beautiful you, inside and out.