Surgery COMPLICATIONS! two surgeries 4 days apart!

[fixmenow]

Hey Everyone, I'm new to this forum and felt the need to share a bit of my story, as I've been feeling pretty down.

Today makes me 30 days post-op for my second surgery (Friday Dec 16th), and 34 days since my first surgery (Monday Dec 12th). I must say it has been ROUGH! I had double jaw surgery. My upper jaw widened and moved forward (lefort 1) as well as my over bite corrected and moved forward.

When my first surgery was completed I was highly drugged on morphine as well as swollen. I didn't think much at the time because of the swelling and no one said anything was wrong. But in reality I was unable to close my mouth. On the 13th my surgeon came to visit me in intensive care unit at the hospital to see how I was doing. I told her that I'm doing alright, and looking forward to going home. Then I mentioned I couldn't close my mouth. She immediately looked in my mouth and her face said it all. I was taken down in a wheelchair to have x-rays done right away. Turns out that during surgery my jaw had slipped back out of place and it wasn't noticed. I was stuck with a lower jaw severely out of place!

I didn't get back into surgery until the evening of the 16th, however every day leading up to the 16th I had to fast from both food and water to prep for surgery. The reason I had to do this every day was because I was on the emergency surgery list (which took place every evening) and since I wasn't in a life or death situation, I kept getting bumped out of line to make room for people in worst case situations. The wait was dreadful! I couldn't close my mouth which was uncomfortable and painful. Plus I was stuck fasting daily. Finally on the evening of the 16th I got to go back in. However, since I was so swollen, plus had already gone under anesthetic 4 days prior the anesthetist had to take special precautions in order to ensure I continued breathing. So I was given a mask to freeze my nasal passages as well as my throat. When I woke up I was in a panicked state. I had a tube in both nostril, as well as a giant tube down my throat! All I could feel was it scratching and rubbing inside my throat. It was extremely uncomfortable and painful, it was a sore/scratch I couldn't get rid of. All I wanted to do was sooth my throat but I was denied water. I was stuck this way all night. The next day all the tubes had to be taken out, and by taken out I mean they all got ripped out of me at once! It was the one of the worst sensations I've ever felt. Blood was splattering everywhere! It was coming out my mouth and both nostrils, I was absolutely traumatized! After this second surgery I looked like someone allergic to bees that got stung in the face. I was so swollen I could barely open my eyes, and that eye swelling lasted days. My arms looked bruised up from all the IV's and needles that were stuck in me over the course of my 6 day stay in the hospital. I looked like some sort of drug addict. Ugh... It was such a horrifying experience! Even after being discharged and home in my own bed I suffered from nightmares. I felt as though I had PTSD! My surgeon says that this sort of thing happens in the world of jaw surgery, but it is rare. In fact I was her very first client to have this freak accident occur! I was naturally upset with the situation, but the one thing she did to help was her frequent visits to me in the hospital, I could see how bad she felt about it all.

Anyway, fast forward to now. The last five weeks haven't been the best for me. My swelling is much better than it was coming out of my second surgery, my eyes and upper face is completely back to normal. I am still quite swollen in comparison to where most people at the 1 month-ish point. I'm trying to keep in mind that because of the two surgeries and additional trauma I suffered from that I will take longer to heal than most. Also since I had two back-to-back surgeries and lost a lot of blood I have a low hemoglobin count (red blood cell count) and am now considered to be slightly anemic. So I am weaker than normal and am taking Ferrous Sulfate (iron) to try to raise it back up. I'm still taking advil most days from headaches and mouth/jaw pain and I'm not happy with how I look. I feel as though I still look like a potato head and am really hating how wide my nose is. In fact I've been obsessing over my nose and it is really getting me down. I've told my surgeon about my concerns and she says I need to have patience. That my face still has a long way to go.

I guess I'm just feeling depressed from all of this, and that is why I am letting it out into these forums. I've been isolating myself because of the way I look/feel which isn't healthy for me mentally either. But the reality is I feel like a weak woman who looks like a big-nosed freak.

[anonimess]

It gets better! Really, it does. It's normal to be a bit down. Are you still at home recovering or have you started to venture out?

Have you been taking any supplements/making sure you're getting a lot of nutritious food? I think those have both really helped in my recovery. I looked into which vitamins/minerals your body needs a lot of in order to heal bone properly, and have been taking calcium, vitamin d, vitamin k, magnesium, iron, eating foods rich in silica (oats), as well as taking bromelain for swelling (on an empty stomach), and probiotics.

[fixmenow]

[quote="anonimess"]It gets better! Really, it does. It's normal to be a bit down. Are you still at home recovering or have you started to venture out?

Have you been taking any supplements/making sure you're getting a lot of nutritious food? I think those have both really helped in my recovery. I looked into which vitamins/minerals your body needs a lot of in order to heal bone properly, and have been taking calcium, vitamin d, vitamin k, magnesium, iron, eating foods rich in silica (oats), as well as taking bromelain for swelling (on an empty stomach), and probiotics.[/quote]

Hi anonimess, thanks for your reply!
to answer your questions, I am still home recovering. My boyfriend has been taking care of me the entire time but he has also been the only person that has seen me since surgery. Our families both lives many hours away, so we stayed home alone over the holidays. Honestly, the only other person who has seen me (other than doctors) was one of his friends on Friday. I showed one picture to my mother because I was feeling horrible about how I looked. Other than that, I've been staying home. Its very cold out and we don't have a car so I've been inside. I know people say walking is good, but with it being the dead of winter in Canada I've been avoiding it. I'm talking to friends online and have called my best friend a couple of times (she lives hours away). I know I should engage in socializing, but I'm ashamed by how I look. I know the way I'm acting is ridiculous, but I've just been feeling so down I'm isolating myself.

As for vitamins, I've only been taking iron for my anemia and have been considering buying some turmeric/bromelain capsules. But didn't think about the other ones you mentioned. I'll look into those.

Did you feel ugly post-op? Did those feelings eventually fade as time went on? How about your nose? Did you have any issues?

[snapdresser]

I, for one, can say that I felt suuuuuper ugly post-op, as I had a comically swollen lower lip (seriously, it protruded/hung down a solid inch and a half; my mother cried when she saw it cuz she thought I had been butchered which obviously didn't help my feel better about myself) in addition to a case of chimp-face since my top and bottom had both been advanced and were swollen on top of that. BUT I started going out amongst strangers as the swelling went down and I realized that nobody was looking at me. They didn't know that my face was any different than it always had been, and in fact after my lip went down, it looked like a pretty normal face. That made me feel a lot better about going out, even if I wasn't comfortable showing off my new face to my friends yet. After about 6 months+, it actually turned out to be a pretty good looking face! I was told I was handsome/hot for the first time since I was in 5th grade. Since then it's been a boon to my ego. After that I had no issue showing it to my friends

I totally get where you're coming from tho; the mental aspect of this surgery is by far more difficult than the physical recovery IMO (though some people have a lot more complications than I did during recovery, so I can't speak for them). It does get easier tho! It took me about a year to really embrace my new look, so get ready for the long haul

[fixmenow]

Hi Snapdresser! Thanks so much for reaching out

Yes, I felt like a chimp too! But after looking at faces I realized I don't, and that I am just used to having a convex face. That with the new forward facial position it feels as though my face is huge and chimp like, but is really just normal and human like lol. My biggest issue now is my widened nose, and puffy cheeks.

Anyway, I ended up going out on my one-month jaw-iversary (Jan 16th) to see my orthodontist, and afterwards treated myself by going to a salon and getting my eyebrows done. When I went in I told the lady I recently had jaw surgery, and for her to not mind my muffled speaking, and to be careful of my swollen face. She surprisingly said she had no idea I was swollen, and that I looked normal because she hadn't ever seen me before. So I think you're right about the stranger thing, I probably look normal to them.

The friend thing is still daunting, I don't know why because if these people are my friends it shouldn't matter, but for some reason it does? Maybe it's because I know how different I look, and how weird I look in comparison to how I used to look. How I used to be attractive and now look like a freak. Maybe I'm afraid of them being honest and hurting me. I'm afraid of seeing people I know because I don't want to believe this is permanent, and I don't want people to see me in this "off state". I will have to let people in sooner or later. Every morning I hope that I'll be less swollen, but lately that hasn't been the case. Its been balloon cheeks every morning.

But all and all, it is the dead of winter, days are shorter, and it is freezing outside. Not a lot is going on with my friends other than work. People tend to hibernate lol. Normally in the wintertime I socialize much less. Yesterday I got my art supplies out and started to create! It was such a nice distraction, and I look forward to doing more today, and the days to come! It is much better than focusing on the negative and obsessing over my swollen/ugly face haha.

[snapdresser]

I was exactly the same way about showing it to my friends; I was very apprehensive. But I'll tell you this: It's a way bigger deal to you than it is to them. It was a huge difference for me and some of my very close friends didn't even notice! One of them just kept looking at me from a distance and when I brought it up they said "I KNEW there was something different about you!!! I just couldn't put my finger on what it was!" It seems like a huge Earth-shattering-ly big deal to us, but to them it's just something different about the same ol' person they always knew but they can't exactly say what it is. It's not like they'll be looking at you side-by-side with a pre-op picture of yourself. Nah, they'll just be thinking "Something's different, but what?" I was super nervous about showing them but it turned out to be literally nothing. Which was actually kind of a let-down cuz I wanted to hear their reaction Very anti-climactic lol

You should post a before and after picture on here! I did and it was nice to hear some feedback from other people. That was at like 6 months post-op and I know it looks better now that the swelling's gone down. You're only 30 days post-op and you had it twice in a row, so just try to relax and buckle down for the long haul because improvements in the swelling will be very slow from this point out. You won't notice any changes day-to-day but you'll look different at 3 months post-op, 6 months, and a year.

Art, you say? You a painter? That seems like a really good hobby while you're taking some time off!

[fixmenow]

Hey Snapdresser, I know I look different (my face shape, my nose, even my mouth right now) and I'm sure you were the same. So to me, it is shocking how little your friends reacted, maybe this will happen to me? I mean, I am very aware of what makes it seem so dramatic to ourselves is that we live with our faces, and see our own face all the time. It is something we know so well, something that we identify our self as. Seeing yourself daily as the same person for your entire life and having that change dramatically over the course of a few hours is a huge mind-flower to ones psyche!

Having identity issues when looking in the mirror is such a strange phenomenon. At about 2 weeks I looked at myself and started bawling, I didn't know who I was. Now I see me, but I see an ugly/strange/alien version of me. I don't think this has to do with being vain either, I think it is just too strange to see ourselves this way that it brings out this terror. It's like the concept of time almost freezes. I'm an emotional person, but I am also logical. I am very well aware of all the trauma I've been through, I know how long a simple scrap or bruise can take to heal. Yet for some reason, I expect this to just be over with, and for me to go back to normal. It doesn't make sense! I even tell myself this, yet my altered face allows the psychological confusion take over.

Sorry for the ramble, I find all of this to be quite fascinating in a scientific/psychological sense, but living it isn't as easy lol. Maybe I will do a before/after picture, just not now or anytime too soon.

And yeah I am quite artsy. I do many different mediums of art including painting. However, the other night I just did some marker drawings. Painting is likely a better idea since it requires patience Haha!

[snapdresser]

Those mental aspects DO get easier. It took me a long time just to learn what to expect when I catch a passing glimpse of myself in a mirror or shop window, but once you resume your life as normal, people won't continuously bring it up (tho you'll continuously think about it for a while) and eventually you just start taking your new look for granted. Right now it seems like your whole world revolves around the surgery, but just give it time and once the little everyday problems of life resume, you won't worry about it anymore and it'll start to come naturally This takes months tho And God forbid people say nice things about your new face, you'll have a little extra confidence and spring in your step. It's pretty neat, really

Ah, yeah, anything that takes your mind off things is probably nice. I used to do a little stone carving but that dust post-op probably wouldn't have been great lol

[fixmenow]

Haha, no stone carving would be a little too dangerous. Luckily paint and markers can't do me much harm. Thanks for listening to me rant, only people who've expierenced it can truly understand.

[anonimess]

Hi fixmenow, how's everything coming along? Sounds like you've gone out a bit (eyebrows - so brave! i wasn't letting anyone near my face that early!) and are continuing to heal. That's great! The good thing about it being winter is that you can always wrap yourself up in a scarf if you really don't want anyone looking at your face

So, to answer your questions...

Yes, I felt ugly post-op. Very very ugly. But, I was also pretty optimistic that my face would settle down and I'd be happy in the long run. My doctor had promised me I'd look better after surgery I didn't have any issues with my nose, luckily (besides my nostrils looking a bit crooked after, which was mostly due to swelling). Eventually though, I started to realize the things I didn't like weren't changing much as the swelling went down. These were: a MUCH longer, flat chin; lips were much smaller in both width and height and have a constant bunching/pucker at the top causing lines, much more obvious asymmetry, and a massive divot on the side of my jaw that was moved more (doctor was attempting to address asymmetry). Warning - venting ahead!

It's probably not the best thing to tell someone who's just had surgery, but no, my feelings of ugliness didn't fade, and a couple weeks ago I had a second surgery to try to fix some of the issues. MOST PEOPLE'S DO GO AWAY THOUGH!!! It has been a long, strange psychological journey for me. It's very difficult to be objective about your own face, and it took me probably about 6 months to finally conclude that yes, I looked a lot worse post-surgery. It took a combination of a) seeing photos of myself taken by friends, b) the doctor offering to "fix" some issues for free in consultation with a plastic surgeon, c) not getting a single compliment in the year post-surgery from one friend or family member, besides "well, it's not THAT bad" (seriously! not even a "hey, you're looking alright!"), d) seeing three further surgeons for consultations who all said I didn't not have an ideal aesthetic outcome - one (highly regarded surgeon) went so far as to say "If the majority of my patients had outcomes like yours, I wouldn't be doing orthognathic surgery". I don't think many people have my experience, but at the same time I want to put it out there because there's this myth propagated by these boards as well as surgeons that EVERYONE will look better after orthognathic surgery, and it simply isn't true. I just never thought I'd be in the small percentage that have a poor outcome.

On the positive side, all the health reasons that I had the surgery for have been cleared up - breathing issues, an uncomfortable bite, headaches, neckaches, bone wearing away on my condyle, etc. Even now I'm not 100% certain what I would do if I could go back in time. When i started this process I never really imagined it would be over 2 years of getting progressively uglier (Year one - teeth pulled, orthodontics done in order to give me an overbite before surgery, Year two - surgery and recovery, then second surgery). Through it all my husband and friends have been very supportive - so give your friends a chance! Warn them you'll look a little different, but I haven't run into anyone who's been too weird about the whole thing. You're still the same person!

Also, thanks to the wonders of modern medicine, most everything is somewhat fixable. I've recently addressed 3/4 of what I was unhappy with and have my fingers crossed for a good outcome. I bet your nose will go way down; it seems that it has for a number of people on here. At the very least, now you know it could be worse? What I am looking forward to most in the next year is finally being done with surgery, done with this whole process, and moving on with life.

[fixmenow]

Hi anonimess, I wrote you a nice long response and it got deleted just before clicking send... so here it goes again

Thank you for being so honest and open with your response, I can't imagine having to go through multiple surgeries, having to spend so much time and energy healing while feeling unattractive. Having gone through surgery, trusting your doctor and coming out in a unfavourable way. I'm hoping that it isn't something I have to suffer through, and that things will gradually get better. Although, my surgeon sounds similar to how yours first sounded. I have gone to her appointments expressing my true feelings about the look of my face and nose, and all she can say is to be patient. Meanwhile, originally I was to only have my lower jaw moved forward to correct my overbite, but months before surgery my orthodontist said it would be best to have my upper done as well. She wanted my crooked, off-centre midline, and gummy smile to be fixed. She also wanted to widen my upper palette. Before I agreed to have my upper jaw altered I was very hesitant because I didn't want my face to change dramatically, and I especially didn't want my nose to be altered. My surgeon talked to me about my concerns and assured me that my nose wouldn't change, not to fret. She convienced me so I went with it.

Today I'm doing ok, only because I decided to tear my appartment apart and get rid of clutter. This was a long process and took the entire day. If I hadn't gone crazy with my cleaning frenzy, I imagine my day would have been grim as they have been lately. Yesterday I was not ok. I was obsessing over my face and reading as much as I could about my surgery and nose widening. I came across multiple scientific journals concluding that widening does occur. One of them concluded that women going into surgery with narrow noses (thats me) will notice the affects of widening more than those that already have broad noses. With that info I felt lied to by my sureon and felt hopeless. My partner is having trouble dealing with my self hate and bursts of tears, but I can't help it. I've never felt ugly like this, it isn't something I was planning on having to accept. He is also reminding me I'm still swollen and things will get better. I'm trying to have hope, despite the papers I read, but these feelings are real and are not healthy. I've felt some regret, but immediately think about all the horrible headache, neck aches, back pain &TMJ pain I went through all the time, which of course isn't something I wanted to live with.

I'm crossing my fingers things turn around. I'd like my nose to go back to normal, and don't know if I'd be able to accept this mistake. Thing is having a revision would probably require me to get a rhino which is not cheap, and I don't have the money. I've told people that my braces and this surgery are basically my car .

How on earth did you get them to cover the costs? Did they offer it to you because you were so upset? Or how did that work? Honestly another surgery scares me. Isn't it difficult trusting that they'll do a good job from what you've already experienced? How long has it been since your inital surgery? How long have you been healing? And how are you feeling now emotionally/mentally? Have you come tobetter terms with things?

[fixmenow]

*I meant to add** ... another surgery seems like it would take so much time. With adding jaw surgery with another one, I'd feel like surgery and recovery are consuming my life. a year to recover plus more just seems so daunting.

[jawregret1]

Hi fixmenow, how's everything coming along? Sounds like you've gone out a bit (eyebrows - so brave! i wasn't letting anyone near my face that early!) and are continuing to heal. That's great! The good thing about it being winter is that you can always wrap yourself up in a scarf if you really don't want anyone looking at your face

So, to answer your questions...

Yes, I felt ugly post-op. Very very ugly. But, I was also pretty optimistic that my face would settle down and I'd be happy in the long run. My doctor had promised me I'd look better after surgery I didn't have any issues with my nose, luckily (besides my nostrils looking a bit crooked after, which was mostly due to swelling). Eventually though, I started to realize the things I didn't like weren't changing much as the swelling went down. These were: a MUCH longer, flat chin; lips were much smaller in both width and height and have a constant bunching/pucker at the top causing lines, much more obvious asymmetry, and a massive divot on the side of my jaw that was moved more (doctor was attempting to address asymmetry). Warning - venting ahead!

It's probably not the best thing to tell someone who's just had surgery, but no, my feelings of ugliness didn't fade, and a couple weeks ago I had a second surgery to try to fix some of the issues. MOST PEOPLE'S DO GO AWAY THOUGH!!! It has been a long, strange psychological journey for me. It's very difficult to be objective about your own face, and it took me probably about 6 months to finally conclude that yes, I looked a lot worse post-surgery. It took a combination of a) seeing photos of myself taken by friends, b) the doctor offering to "fix" some issues for free in consultation with a plastic surgeon, c) not getting a single compliment in the year post-surgery from one friend or family member, besides "well, it's not THAT bad" (seriously! not even a "hey, you're looking alright!"), d) seeing three further surgeons for consultations who all said I didn't not have an ideal aesthetic outcome - one (highly regarded surgeon) went so far as to say "If the majority of my patients had outcomes like yours, I wouldn't be doing orthognathic surgery". I don't think many people have my experience, but at the same time I want to put it out there because there's this myth propagated by these boards as well as surgeons that EVERYONE will look better after orthognathic surgery, and it simply isn't true. I just never thought I'd be in the small percentage that have a poor outcome.

On the positive side, all the health reasons that I had the surgery for have been cleared up - breathing issues, an uncomfortable bite, headaches, neckaches, bone wearing away on my condyle, etc. Even now I'm not 100% certain what I would do if I could go back in time. When i started this process I never really imagined it would be over 2 years of getting progressively uglier (Year one - teeth pulled, orthodontics done in order to give me an overbite before surgery, Year two - surgery and recovery, then second surgery). Through it all my husband and friends have been very supportive - so give your friends a chance! Warn them you'll look a little different, but I haven't run into anyone who's been too weird about the whole thing. You're still the same person!

Also, thanks to the wonders of modern medicine, most everything is somewhat fixable. I've recently addressed 3/4 of what I was unhappy with and have my fingers crossed for a good outcome. I bet your nose will go way down; it seems that it has for a number of people on here. At the very least, now you know it could be worse? What I am looking forward to most in the next year is finally being done with surgery, done with this whole process, and moving on with life.

Did your original surgeon do the revision?

[fixmenow]

Yes, the revision was just to pop my jaw back into the socket. I didn't really have a choice as I was unable to leave the hospital between the surgeries.

[anonimess]

My original surgeon did not do my revision - and apparently I may not have been using the word revision properly? I think orthognathic surgeons take that to mean redoing your whole jaw surgery. I instead had a plastic surgeon attempt to fix some of the aesthetic things that were wrong with my face after the surgery. I had my chin shortened and mandibular implants to fix the angles, width, and a large divot particularly on one side of my mandible. I'm glad I didn't go with my original surgeon - obviously he and I did not share the same aesthetic if my face came out looking that poor. The plastic surgeon alerted me to a number of issues that can potentially arise from orthognathic surgery that I was never made aware of from my surgeon.

Fixmenow - I think you mentioned in another thread about loss of volume in the cheek area next to your nose, below the eyes. I was told that this is common, and if you look at a skull post-surgery it makes sense - when your upper jaw is advanced it leaves that part of your face behind. He tended to fix this with implants, but the idea made me queasy, and I wasn't as concerned about that part of my face as the more glaring issues around my jaw.