"What A Long, Strange Trip It's Been" - Robert Hunter, Grateful Dead

[atrixa]

32 mo, which requires all of my fingers and all of my toes, plus all of your fingers and some of your toes to add it all up. Original estimate 22-24, though at about the one yr mark they hinted that it would probably wind up being longer. Not cool, but hopefully really close to wrapping up. Good luck to you! I really hope your plan stays on track or even beats your ortho's initial estimate.

That requires kudos probably for the cleaning time alone! I hope so- 18 months was the estimate, but it depends on how long the remaining gap takes to close.

[SinkFullOfDinner]

Well the good news is that his alternative technique for closing the last few gaps is working on at least one of them. I don't see anything happening between the lateral and canine, but the gap between the central and lateral (hey, trying to use the right terminology!) looks almost closed. The bad news is that some of this magic was accomplished by the central sliding over a bit to meet the lateral. So we've swapped a gap between 1 and 2 for a slightly smaller gap, but right in the middle of the two front teeth.

In the bizarro world that orthodontists live in, this is surely called progress. In the real world of "look in the mirror and see a gap return between your two front teeth," I don't think I agree. Plus, we had just closed up that gap between the big two back in May and June. This is like the world's least entertaining game of Gap Whack a Mole, and you keep winning additional games that you don't want.

[SinkFullOfDinner]

As if I didn't know it already, this morning I was reminded that I've adopted too many of the characteristic geeky habits and idiosyncrasies of having braces as an adult.

Lately, I've been trying to be extra careful because I inadvertently discolored the powerchains (another reminder of how this would have been a non-issue with the linguals). So, when I was at a coffee shop this morning, I finally capitulated and drank my coffee through a straw. Please be advised that there's absolutely no way to look cool doing this. The guy I was meeting didn't say anything, but I could almost hear his inner monologue saying "Really, dude? That's kind of weird." I felt like saying, "Oh yeah, this is totally the new way to drink coffee. Just you wait, in six months you'll see everyone doing it. I'm just way ahead of the curve." But I didn't say it. Instead, I just thought that I might need to go with iced coffee for the rest of the summer just so the straw thing is normal.

Side note: I thought the coffee tasted terrible through a straw. Is that just me? Maybe it misses coffee taste buds in the front? Or maybe it was just a sh!tty brew? Or maybe it was my brain short circuiting when a hot beverage came through a straw. Milkshakes, yes. Coffee, no. Again, back to the idea of temporarily switching to iced coffee.

[SinkFullOfDinner]

Well, I'm officially a bad parent. Sure, when my son finally got his braces off, my face and words said that I was ohhhh soooo excited for him, but deep down I was pissed that he started after me and finished before me. Jealousy is so unbecoming for a dad. I think I'm experiencing an attitude version of "it gets worse before...," well you know the rest. Probably normal when you're getting so close, but don't have an exit date yet.

[Shelleyt]

You could always "misplace" his retainer... except for the fact that those shiny new straight teeth came right out of your pocket. Your day is coming!

[SinkFullOfDinner]

Haha! Evil. I like the way you think, but remind me to not get on your bad side! Ever. For now I'll let him slide. Maybe I'll just confiscate his unneeded floss threaders (I wonder if he used even one of them), but that doesn't sound like a fair trade. I'm warming to your idea!

[SinkFullOfDinner]

Sorry for the obnoxiously long post.

Well, that Aug-Sept target is officially dead after this last appointment. In reality, however, it was probably on life support for the last month or so without me admitting it. I must have ticked off someone in a previous life, because I seem to be catching a bit of karmic payback for something. Do you know the old Peanuts cartoons in which Lucy holds the football for Charlie Brown, and right before he would kick it she pulls it away and he whiffs completely and falls on his back? She just tortures him, and he's gullible enough to fall for it. Every. single. time.

Lucy probably grew up to be an orthodontist.

I guess I can relate to Charlie Brown. ["this estimate is going to hold. I just feel it! He's not kidding this time."]

On the positive side, he didn't add any new bends, so hopefully that means we're done with those tweaks. That's a big deal and another sign that we're really close. If so, it seems that the holdup is probably just hitting those last little gaps. I don't care what the dictionary says, "gap" is absolutely a four letter word. It still seems absurd that you can start with crowding as the enemy and then get strung along because of gaps. Add to the list of wtf's.

Regarding the last two gaps, he pulled a new trick out of his bag for the one that reopened up front. Instead of just stretching the powerchain tighter (e.g., roping in more teeth with fewer links, which is its own unique kind of fun), he cranked the front two toward each other by tightly twisting a cris-crossed ligature wire, adding a nice little "x marks the spot" look to the front. That's fine if you're looking for buried treasure, but not as cool if you're trying not to draw attention. Also, "slight pressure" doesn't quite capture the sensation, Doc.

I'm pretty sure this represents a shift in technique away from finesse orthodontics and toward brute force, bully orthodontics (add wire and twist until either the teeth move in the desired direction or the wire, bracket, or tooth breaks). Actually, I'm all for it, mainly because when I got to car and looked in the mirror, the gap between the front two had already been forced close. It worked - fast - so score another point for the good guys.

All that remains - I think - is just a very small gap in front of the canine. So, why didn't we do the same thing with that one and kill two birds with one appointment??! Maybe pulling the lateral that way at the same time that we're pulling the front tooth the other way would have reopened the gap in between(?). No idea. I assume it wasn't an oversight and just means he didn't think that he could mess around with it until everything else in front of it was closed and secured so they wouldn't re-gap. Frustrating having to do it one at a time, but hopefully they can yank that together by whatever means are necessary at the next appointment and then wrap this up.

[SinkFullOfDinner]

It's been months since the last attempt to translate ortho-speak to English. I did some earlier translations on a separate thread here (viewtopic.php?f=13&t=51553), but I was too lazy to track it and pretty late with a few replies, so I thought I'd just continue it here. Too bad we can't just merge two threads.

Here's version 5:

"Fidget spinner"
Ortho definition: A toy fad that they handed out to the kids at the ortho office. The kiddies were so excited.
My definition: When you have a bracket pop off - especially on the side - but it's still attached to the wire and your tongue just can't stop playing with it, that's a fidget spinner. And, no, I did not receive the toy version from my ortho. What a rip off.

"Ligature"
Ortho definition: A small, elastic ring that holds an archwire in the bracket slot.
Translation: "ligatorture," if a tooth is severely rotated.

Ortho referred to: a "buckle bracket"
Translation: at least that's what I thought he said. It turns out that he said "buccal bracket," and it means a bracket on the cheek side of your back teeth, as opposed to a lingual one. I guess that makes more sense than a buckle, but the fact that I thought a buckle bracket might actually be a thing tells you a lot about how nutty this stuff is and that nothing would totally surprise you.

"Posterior Implant"
Ortho definition: A permanent restoration for a bicuspid or molar.
My Alternative Use in a Sentence: "I will implant my foot into your posterior, Doc, if we go past the 3-yr mark." It's all about context, and no one but another adult with braces can possibly understand that this is the proper use of the term.

"Curing Light"
Ortho definition: The high-intensity blue light used to set, or cure, the bracket adhesive.
My source of confusion: Some day spas also have what they call "curing lights." It turns out that they are not the same thing. I definitely prefer one over the other.

"Maxilla"
Ortho's definition: Your upper jaw.
My definition: The name of my alter ego that emerges when I hear "this may take a bit longer than expected," because "Godzilla" was already taken, and I don't have the pecs or biceps to use "Incredible Hulk." Yeah, Maxilla fits, and you don't want to meet him.

Everyone: "The time will fly by."
Translation: Sure, if you're an anthropologist and that's your frame of reference regarding time.

Ortho: a "lip bumper"
Me: "Uh, you're probably not talking about a hot make-out session are you? Hey, Doc, we have something in common: neither of us knows what the other is talking about right now, but I feel more sorry for you...for once." I still don't actually know what his version of a lip bumper is.

"Bite"
Ortho: What they're trying to fix. Boy, are they fixated on Class I.
My definition: What I want to do - just once - when my ortho's finger is in just the right spot...just to test if my teeth are still sore and if his finger can become so.

[SinkFullOfDinner]

I guess I’m just aiming to be wrapped up before the holidays at this point. Seriously, I never thought I’d be saying that back in January.

Even though I walked out of this last appointment without a definite removal date in hand, we had a conversational breakthrough! Before I even asked, my ortho volunteered that he was going to try to get everything off before the holidays!! Yeah, I’d prefer the word “guarantee” instead of “try,” but at least we’re on the same page. He even broached the topic of the retainer plan for the first time, so he wasn’t joking around!

And just like that, the end became a real discussion and not just some abstract concept to be teased with. Now just make it happen, please!!

He did some more IPR on the lowers because, I assume, orthos feel compelled to create a series of tiny new gaps in one arch in order to not feel sad about saying goodbye to gaps in the other arch. It must be a coping mechanism for them, or maybe orthos just like to keep up the suspense. After all, where’s the fun in just finishing? Actually, he said it’s to help move the lower canines in and stop them from pushing out on the upper ones, which is interfering with closing the last bit of gap on top. I get it, but every time I hear an explanation for why something is being done, I just think “well, there goes another month.”

And, of course, he used that cris-crossing wire technique on a few more brackets to keep the closed gaps closed while hopefully “motivating” that last gap to get with the program. I’ve seen a couple posts refer to that as lacing, and I think it’s the same thing, but I didn’t hear my ortho call it that. I’m all for anything that works, but I can’t say that I’m a huge fan of the look, especially with the cris-crosses going from the center to just one side. He'd probably call it "functional," but to me it's just lopsided. IMO, the asymmetry makes it stand out a little more. I’ll try to ignore it and instead focus on his comments about finishing. Much better. I can finally say with confidence that we’re very close!

[SinkFullOfDinner]

I was looking ahead at the calendar (couldn’t help it) and realized that I might need a little scheduling luck to wrap up before the holidays. My ortho’s office is always closed the last two weeks of Dec, and my Nov visit will be the 22nd. I know, the day before Thanksgiving – brilliant – but I was taking the first available appointment no matter what, even if it was in between courses.

That means if I get the go-ahead on that day, I’ll need for them to get me back in quickly at exactly the time that their schedule will be stacked up before the long holiday. Or, instead of luck, maybe I’ll just need to slip my ortho a fat envelope under the table to convince him to reschedule some snotty 13-year-old, who’s on Santa’s naughty list, and give me their debonding appointment. I’m absolutely, positively not above conspiring to swipe some kid’s Dec appointment if that's what it takes!

[SinkFullOfDinner]

It occurred to me as I was trying to figure out the Vegas odds for debonding before the holidays, why bother? Given how casually orthos change their estimates (“Ah, one month, eight months, what’s the difference?”) they clearly aren’t familiar with the normal calendar rules that we all follow.

If his calendar could talk, I’m convinced it would tell me, “I know I said tomorrow is Wednesday, but I’ve changed my mind and decided to push off Wed for a few months and just do a bunch of Tuesdays over and over until I get Tues right. I may even tell your ortho to go back and re-do Monday if I feel like it, or if I don’t think I'm getting a satisfactory result from Tues,” or “I know that I said there are 7 days in a week, but I was off by a bit and it turns out there are now 100 days in a week. The good news is that you’ll be done in more three weeks.” *sigh*

[SinkFullOfDinner]

About that lacing look – I think ceramic brackets must be taller than metal brackets because the lacing wire seems to make a taller “X” that sticks out a bit more on both sides of the archwire. The powerchain isn’t able to totally hide it, either. Maybe a powerchain with no spaces (i.e., OOO), would form the same “X” shape between the brackets and cover the wire, but spaced links (O-O-O) don’t quite make that X shape, so the lacing wire kind of peeks out from behind.

Thankfully, it's a really thin wire, but it looks like someone decided to play tic-tac-toe across my teeth.

On top of that, I’ve been going with silver powerchains recently because I got tired of how quickly the clear ones start to look crappy. But between the metal self-ligating clips on the front of the brackets, silver powerchains, and cris-crossing lace wire, I feel very metal-ly and silver-y right now. The triangle elastics off the canines definitely complete the stylish look. It’s not a huge deal, but I have to admit that there’s a little extra dash of self-consciousness to the finish.

When it’s all said and done, the thought that ceramic brackets come with a special “cloak of invisibility” feature just for adults is such a myth, lol!

[LisainTX]

I know I have said this before but if you're not a writer you ought to consider it. And/or do stand up comedy. Your posts have been killing me since day one...literally making me laugh out loud. Thanks for making my braces journey fun.
You can't leave here when you get yours off!!
But seriously....do you have a blog? You are hilarious!

[SinkFullOfDinner]

Thanks for the incredibly kind words, Lisa! Your comments made me "smile, smile, smile," as BlondeCam once quoted. Unfortunately, there's no blog or anything else. Just a one trick pony, I guess. Honestly, I really didn't think initially that there'd be too much to post here, but this process just serves up so many stupid twists and turns that there's a never ending menu of weird things to comment on. It's just too easy! Plus, forcing myself to try to laugh about it helps balance out all of the odd, awkward self-consciousness along the way. Glad it's done the same for you!

And just for you, I offer a couple translations...

"Bonding Date"
Translation: At your company, they probably call these "team-building offsites" during which everyone goes to a ball game or is forced to do "trust falls." This is not what your ortho is referring to, but it is a little similar to a trust fall. You'll see what I mean, Ms. Newbie.

"Ligature Cutter"
Translation: Read the damn instructions. It says "ligature," not "lip."

[SinkFullOfDinner]

Bummer, but with a good ending.

When I went in for my regular 6 mo dentist visit, the polishing tool – or something – managed to break the powerchain on top which is not what you want when you're trying to finish off the last gap. Fortunately, my ortho was able to replace it right away, but while he was at it he decided to also replace the previous lacing with a canine to canine version. Yay for symmetry? Normally that would mean more tic-tac-toe to the look, but this powerchain seems to be mostly hiding it now. But even better, by the time he twisted and tightened (and tightened! and twisted!!) that lacing wire and pressed the two teeth together where the last bit of gap was, he was able to close it the rest of the way and it held!

Best yet, after inspecting his handiwork and latest demonstration of great feats of strength, he said we’re looking good for a debond after the next appointment, and I could go ahead and schedule it in advance on my way out! Ah, the words we all want to hear.

But, you should have seen me sweating it out as the scheduling assistant kept scrolling through the days leading up to the holiday break and saying, “hmmm, nothing available then…let’s look at the next day,” and we got down to the next-to-last day and an almost sympathetic sounding “nothing in the morning…that afternoon slot’s not enough time,” and I’m thinking to myself “you’ve got to be kidding…they’re not going to be able to get me in before the holidays.” Then she lit up when she pulled up the last possible day and said, “Hey! Can you do 8:30a?” I’m pretty sure that my look of relief said “yes, most definitely.”

So it seems that the broken powerchain may have been the bit of luck I was looking for because it resulted in a two-fer on visits and gave me the opportunity to grab the last chance at a pre-holiday debond. I'm sure it would have been gone later in the week, or maybe even later that day. That’s cutting it sooo close, but who cares as long as it’s in the books now.