Telling my parents I want orthognathic surgery?

[Foxface]

Hi Foxface, thank you for the wise insight. Initially, I had everything planned out when I had a job at the time while attending school. However, my plan went south from there as I have to rely on my parents to financially support me with the surgery as I am no longer working. If my plan did go accordingly, I wanted to save at least 10k (or more depending on my working hours) and proceed with the surgical process by the time I turn 21 and continue working in order to pay the medical bills. But now that I will be leaning on my parents, I don't know when I'll undergo the surgery until I talk to them about it.

Oh, I'm sorry, you said so somewhere above. Still, I think an initial ortho consult won't break the bank even if you have to pay for it yourself, and maybe he could also tell you more about financing options, loans, installment plans, insurance... In either case, good luck to you. Even if you have to postpone, I think it'll work out since you sound very determined to have this done eventually. I think Meryaten and the others are right, don't spring he whole gory details on your parents all at once, but just speaking for myself, I couldn't not tell them at all. It's your decision whether you want to undergo surgery or not, but even if your original plan had worked out and you had paid for all of it yourself, it still would be good to inform them.

[jonathon003]

wow this is amazing...not trying to derail your thread or anything, but I'm a 23 yr old male who just realized yesterday (at the dentist) about my 'problem' (which is IDENTICAL to yours) and i'm just so thrilled and happy that I've FINALLY found out what's wrong with me. our stories are so similar it's eerie. I too had braces when I was around 12 or so, but at this point I'm in the same boat; overbite where my chin is kind of receded, find it very hard and uncomfortable to close my mouth (been a mouth breather my entire life), and am VERY self conscious about everything to the point I also stick my lower jaw out when walking around or smiling etc.

i seriously feel like this is some kind of breakthrough. I guess I was ignorant about the whole theory behind jaw alignment, etc, but I just thought 'hey these are my genes, and it really sucks, but make the most of em' sorta deal. My speech, like yours, has suffered and I find it just very 'strenuous' to pronunciate effectively and fluently. My parents like yours have always been, 'there's nothing wrong with you, we all have issues, blah blah blah' but they don't know or realize how much this ***ks with my life. I mean I'm always worrying about how my mouth looks WHEREVER i am, which takes my mind off just normal functioning in conversations, etc etc etc. Wish I realized this so much sooner but whatever, won't complain. I'm currently scheduled to get braces on AGAIN, and now will talk to my ortho about having this surgery as my dentist felt I needed it (hopefully thats a good enough referal!). I'm still kind of pessimistic, or maybe thats not the right word, about everything falling into place in a year or whenever it's all over, but I really hope everything will be normal afterwards and I can get back to funtioning normally.

Anyway lol, sorry I'm of no help, just ecstatic to hear your case, and others here, as this is all new to me. I wish I could fastforward to the point my braces come off and the healing is over from the surgery, probably at least 2 years away, but if it fixes everything I really don't mind the grind ahead waiting. I'm also in school, 1 credit left and then studying for my CFA level 1 in 09, so this is a perfect time in my life to have it.

As for the financial side of it, I REALLY feel sorry for you Americans and your lack of Healthcare; not trying to rub it in at all, but I'm so fortunate that OHIP here in Ontario (live in Toronto) covers almost everything so i've been told anyway. I guess it all evens out though since we're taxed through the roof! Anyway just wanted to share my story, and my parents are def the same way; like others have said, it's as much for practical/health reasons as it is for esthetics imo, so as long as you can get that through to them, you should be okay. Maybe even have your ortho talk to them himself? Anyway good luck and hopefully it all pans out, look forward to hearin how your case goes. you shall be my guinea pig lol, j/p. ez.

[scm007]

Same exact story as me. I haven't told my parents anything, and probably won't until very close to the surgery, if at all.

One option I'm toying with is the whole sleep apnea route. I plan on getting tested at some point anyway, but regardless of whether or not I have it, I am going to tell them that I do. Then when I get the surgery it is so that I can sleep well. It fixes my messed up lower face as well, but that is not why I will tell them I did it.

[iBorg]

I would anticipate you're hoping you're still on your parents insurance and that it will cover the surgery. Before insurance will cover sleep appnea they will want proof. The tests aren't cheap. Mine were about $4500. I'm not sure as a parent I'd be willing to pay out of pocket for my twenty year old's surgery "so they can sleep better" without some firm reason. That may sound selfish but unless they're doing better with the economy than our family, we don't have the spare 30K for the surgery.

You need to either be covered by insurance or have some plan to pay for surgery yourself.

Before you consider sleep tests, have someone watch you sleep. Do you snore? Is your breathing consistent? Simply having sleep problems don't indicate sleep appnea. Sleep appnea is the actual stopping breathing while sleeping. Problems sleeping is not necessarily appnea. I know. While being tested to help get insurance approval, I was diagnosed with narcolepsy. Terribly unsettling... When you think about it as either abnormal brain activity or brain damage, it causes a lot of other issues. I'm now on medication and have found being under medical care, a lifetime commitment, has made a positive influence on my life.

Mike

[FuzzyPants]

I didn't tell my parents until after the surgery. My mother would have worried too much. She didn't want me to have the surgery when I was younger- I actually recall her saying the doctor was a quack, so I was quite worried about what she would think. I did tell her when I saw her two and a half weeks later. It was easier for her to deal with it when she could see with her own eyes that I was quite functional and not in pain.

My father happened to come for a visit 9 days post-op. I wouldn't have told him otherwise.

[iBorg]

My earlier post bothers me. It sounds harsh. Sorry.

I think you have two issues. The first issue is your need to get your parents to accept the idea of surgery. Before you get to that point, consult with an orthodontist and determine if you really need surgery. In the United States most orthos provide free consultations. Do two or three to consults to understand your needs. After that talk to your parents about why you want braces a second time.
My Mum was very unsupportive as was my older sister about me having braces at 48. Once Mum and I talked about my reasons which were more medical than appearance, she accepted me having braces twenty something years after she had paid for them when I was in high school. I think when she could see that the decision was made for my continued future health she was more understanding. After that hurdle was cleared, and I had decided to accept my ortho's suggestion to consider surgery, Mum was supportive. My sister still thinks I'm doing this for appearance only. Don't I wish.

My advice would be to get them used to the idea of braces before the idea of their precious child having their face surgically altered.

The second one deals with payment. This is not something that has to occur in the next six months. If your parents don't carry you on their insurance, you need to explore financial arrangements with an ortho as well as surgery. My ortho was very blunt, those who have insurance can have surgery, those who don't normally can't afford it.


Good luck. I, as well as several others on this board know how difficult this time is.

Mike

[dayeangphurr]

Thanks jonathon003, scm007, iBorg, and FuzzyPants for all of your wonderful insights. I apologize for not responding sooner to express my gratitude and appreciation to your feedbacks.

jonathon003, I’m glad to hear that we almost share the exact same experience. I will definitely inform you with updates as soon as I consult with a orthodontist and oral surgeon. And good luck to you too!

scm007, yea I'm debating whether or not I should share my cosmetic concerns with my parents as the reason to undergo the surgical procedure. But of course, there are functional reasons as well so right now I'm in the process of trying to pinpoint those functional reasons.

iBorg, I have thought about considering a sleep test in the future. Earlier on during the year, I took a visit to a otolaryngologist (a specialist in the nose, ear, and throat) to resolve some of my breathing problems. After my visit, the specialist prescribed me some nasal spray for my nose and advised me to cam cord myself while I sleep in order to determine if I had sleep apnea. Unfortunately, I forgot to ask the doctor if my receded jaw had any relations (or was a factor) to me sleeping with my mouth open. I noticed when I lie down, I am able to breathe from my nose, but my nasal airflow becomes slightly congested. Once I have fallen asleep, that’s when my mouth begins to open, it seems as though I have to apply effort into keeping my mouth closed. I can’t say if it’s because I stop breathing from my nose or my mandible just naturally drops down leaving my mouth open. Lately, I have also noticed, when I wake up in the morning, my mouth is literally dry, and that never really happened to me before. I say that because usually my lips are all dried out and not the inside of my mouth. I don’t know if this observations has to do with anything but I just want to share it haha.

FuzzyPants, I wish I could tell my parents after the surgery (if I could afford it myself) haha. Unfortunately, they will most likely be the ones to financially support me through the surgical expenses. I'd rather pay it all on my own, if I could simply just work instead of go to school until I saved enough to pay for the surgery. But that isn't the case. I thought about waiting a few more years until I finished college and was financially supporting myself to undergo the surgery, but that's going to be in awhile and I don't know if I want to wait that long.

[Lushpulp]

Hi dayeangphurr,
I hope when you do tell your parents that they end up being more supportive then you expect. I agree with those that advise to let your parents know that this will be for functional reasons vs. cosmetic reasons. I was lucky in that most of my family has been supportive. My husband at first was not sure why I would go through with this. However, I did not let on to my husband how bad the tmj actually was before I started this process, once I got the point across to him how much pain I'm actually in he was extremely supportive. He's still worried about me having to go through with the whole surgery thing but has a better understanding of why I'm willing to go through with it.
I was thinking about not telling my dad and surprise him afterwards cause I was not sure how he would react, however my husband ended up telling him. He was fine with it and he does not even know about the tmj stuff. Strangely enough his new wife now has a daughter that had orthognathic surgery. I actually was worried if he would feel bad for not being able to put me through braces when I was younger, but we never had much money or ever had insurance.
I had one older sister that was like why would you do that to youself, you look fine the way you are but once I explained it was for functional reasons she was supportive as well.
I am a little older (28 ) than you so I have the luxury of it not really mattering if my family was behind me or not. I am able to do this for myself, for my own reason. Even if it was only for cosmetic reasons it would not matter to me what my family thought (except for hubby).
Friends and co-workers thought I was strange for wanting this but again once I explain the tmj and functional reason everyone has been understanding about it. So I think if you really explain to your parents about how this will help you functionally it may be something they could really support you doing.
In hindsight, I wish I could have gotten this done when I was as young as you cause maybe then I would not have this tmj pain I live with now. My issues started my last year in college, so maybe a year old than you are now. However, i've had headaches since I was really little which I think now was because of my bite...but anyway, I really hope your parents are supportive so you can get this done now rather than later....
Good Luck!!

[treevernal]

I "LOL"ed at this topic because it is so apropos to me. My parents actually saw an entry I made on this website about my consultation with my surgeon after I accidentally left the browser window open while checking messages at their house on their computer, woops, my stupidity. Needless to say, they approached me about it very concerned so I just went ahead and gave them all the details of my consult, diagrams, why I'm doing it, etc. They still didn't buy it and still dont agree with it. However, they know I'm pretty much gonna do what I set my mind to so they said "If you do decide to go through with it, let us know so that we can be out there to be with you through recovery".

So...they may not be 100% supportive but at least they're now accepting the fact that it will happen. I'm 27 years old now, and am completely independent of them (financially and distance-wise; they live on the east coast, I live on the west) so I am a big boy and can make my own decisions, LOL.

Dan

[iBorg]

Wow what a revival of an OLD post. I had my surgery in June 2009. I had to deal with a sister that kept on asking why I was only doing this for cosmetic reasons. I found out after my surgery that my father had similar problems with his airway. In his case they actually shortened his tongue (seriously). My wife was wonderfully helpful. She had gotten used to me waking in the middle of the night and was hopeful it would help. My Mum has told me several times since my recovery, that she can tell I have a calmer demeanor. I believe that is because I tend to rest better.

That isn't to say there aren't downsides. I was warned due to my age, fifty at the time, I had a better chance (maybe a worse chance?) of permanent numbness. Most of my lower lip feels frostbitten. Still it was a good trade off. I have had much better breathing since recovery. I have only had one asthma attack. It had been so long since I had one, I'd forgotten how crappy they made me feel.

I understand how your parents feel. If they are like me, and remember you are old enough to be my Son, they think you're darn near perfect as God made you. This is a big change to what they're used to. Your appearance will change. Almost everyone I've corresponded with after they've healed like the change although quite a few took a while to get used to it.

Good luck,

Mike