talking on the phone

[shanalouis]

i have an online relationship and everynight me and my b/f talk on the phone. since i will be banded shut during my recovery, i wont be able to talk to him. he doesnt know i will be having jaw surgery and i am too embarass to tell him. what am i gonna do. he likes talking on the phone.

[crumble]

I've nothing against online relationships but is yours actually going anywhere if you aren't even telling him you are going to be having major surgery? I don't suggest hiding it, I don't see how you possibly can? Tell him as soon as you can, he may be a great suport during a very stressful time

[charlsie142]

I agree with crumble as far as being honest...you may not go into lots of details since it can freak some people out. But it wouldn't hurt to say that you're having jaw surgery and there's a chance you may not be able to talk as long or as often as you do right now, at least for a week or so.

Also, I wanted to ask, has your surgeon told you that talking will not be easy post-op? The reason I ask is because I was banded shut after my surgery also, but I was talking as soon as they took the tube out and haven't been quiet since! My surgeon is a huge proponent of using the face muscles as much and as quickly as possible after surgery to avoid what he calls "frozen face." That way you have normal facial movements and can display emotions and move your lips when you talk as soon as possible. So, you may not have as much issue as you think (and hopefully you won't...it makes recovery that much easier!).

Good luck with everything!

[Jessica37769]

I also agree, you should tell him. I also was wondering the same thing, my sister lives out of town and we talk on the phone alot. My mouth is going to be wired sesame and I will have a splint. Will I be able to talk?? I thought that maybe you can still talk, but I wasnt sure.

[OzzysMom]

I agree with everybody about telling him. If he is just a casual friend, then it isn't as important but if he is somebody you think you want a long-term relationship with, then holding back such important information can possibly be perceived as dishonesty.

As for talking on the phone...believe me, talking clearly and without pain or stiffness is a big challenge in the beginning. It's one of those things that slowly gets better over time. At day 12 post-op I ordered a Frappuccino from Starbuck's and the lady behind the counter practically yelled at me because she could not understand what I was saying. I also had called a business that had a recording that was speech activated only so when I tried to speak my answers it could not understand them.

There is a poem that has been posted on this site a few times that helps patients regain movement to help with speech. It's called the "Rainbow Poem"

[scguy85]

There were a couple people I tried to not say anything to about my jaw surgery but the secret definitely did not last for long, it makes you look more strange trying to completely avoid them rather than just being up front.

Talking will be uncomfortable to say the least. Shortly after my surgery a long-time friend of mine died unexpectedly and I absolutely had to go the funeral. I remember not wanting to say anything to anyone because it was so uncomfortable and people would of course approach me and I felt like wearing a do not disturb just had jaw surgery sign around my neck. When I would talk a little funny I would let people know up front that I had gone to "the dentist"...no need to say I got a Lefort I, Genioplasty and BSSO. What was worse is when they would bring back memories that would make me laugh which was terrible (aaaahhhh, don't remind me, you will definitely NOT be wanting to watch any late night comedy shows after surgery!!!)

There were members of my family I didn't want knowing and I couldn't just not call them for 4 weeks when I speak to them every other day. So that eventually came out of the hat too, and since these people are family, I didn't mind going into details.

Back to my point, I was the same way and tried to keep it a secret from a lot of people. But this is not one of those surgeries. You will permanently look different, temporarily be unable to talk much, and other stuff you just can't hide. It will probably have to be addressed at some point for whatever reason and it is much better to just let people that are close to you know up front that you are about to have major surgery. Otherwise when you do tell them and you probably will at some point, they will get mad that you didn't tell them or wonder why you wouldn't tell them and all that mess. As for people you only know casually, just tell them you went to the dentist. No one questions that and everyone has been to the dentist and couldn't talk because their mouth was numb or what not.

[shanalouis]

i feel so ashame to tell him. i dont think i will look any different anyway. i'll just makeup some story i guess.............

[mountaingirl]

I guess I don't understand what is shameful about having jaw surgery..? I'm glad I told everyone and received so much support. Do you think he will judge you for it?

[Audra]

I guess I don't understand what is shameful about having jaw surgery..?

I don't get it either.

[shanalouis]

me either

[James0099]

All I know is that I just had double jaw on Tuesday and it is very hard to understand me, so I would tell him, nothing to be embarrassed about. I sure wasn't ashamed to tell people that I was having this done.