Relationships with Braces

[bracedintx]

To me this comes down to one of the life lessons I finally learned, although i was probably 30 when I finally figured it out, and that is...

people are not always thinking about me!

Honestly, most of us are pretty self-absorbed in our own lives and don't have time to focus on all the tiny details of others' lives. And braces really are JUST a detail. I meet new people all the time at work and some of them take notice of my mouth only after several meetings; e.g. "When did you get braces??" and I have a full metal mouth and elastics!

I think a lot of the comments have been spot on--if you try to hide your braces you'll either just draw attention to them because people will be trying to figure out what you're doing with your mouth , or you'll look unapproachable and people will stay away.

So show off your beautiful smile! People will come a-runnin'!

[mg]

Well stated, Bracedintx!


For anyone who has any doubts, read that post again.

[MissDiana]

The thing with braces, to me, is that they're just like anything else that can attract/repel people. It's honestly no different then needing to lose ten pounds, how you wear your hair, or the size of your nose.

Your braces are part of who you are the moment someone sees you for the first time ... its all just part of the package.

Sure, there are going to be some people who just aren't attracted to someone in braces, but the same thing could be said for being attracted to someone with crooked teeth or a big butt or too skinny legs etc. There is no real explanation to why we look twice at someone. No matter what reason a guy would have for not being attracted to me, that's okay ... no one is perfect for everyone. I'm not above it either, if I met someone and they were missing their front teeth or something - I just wouldn't be interested.

What it comes down to, for me, is that I felt really badly about myself with my "old teeth" and I think I look pretty damn cute - RIGHT NOW - even before the braces come off.

Also? Bracedintx, you are so right. I think I was around 30 when I realized that, too. Man, that is a freeing feeling, isn't it?

[*melissa*]

islandbabe- I thought the same thing. But there are ALOT of guys out there that could care less if you have braces...my boyfriend being one of those guys. Weve been together a lil more than 2 years and I just got them last week. In the back of my mind I thought he would end up finding me un-attractive. But he has a really postive attitude and always reminds me "Its no big deal" and that "its for the best." When I am down or hate my braces certain days, he cheers me up & helps me look on the bright side... So he really supports me 100%.

Just find the right guy who loves you no matter what.

[islandbabe715]

Thank you all for your optimistic responses. They have all really helped me see that I need to change my negative, self conscious ways if possible. Hoping for the best!!!

Thank you all again!

[bracedintx]

Also? Bracedintx, you are so right. I think I was around 30 when I realized that, too. Man, that is a freeing feeling, isn't it?

Yeah, MissDiana, it's such a relief not having to spend all my free time worrying about what others think of me!

[Mellephone]

I've had the opposite experience really. I'm 30 and a single mother and I have had a lot of problems dating with braces. I'd possibly buy the attitude argument except after a few months of the braces I stopped feeling self conscious or caring what others thought, and have had fun with colors and laughed a lot about the whole experience with my friends and co-workers. However, I have found that guys I flirt with or date seem really turned off by them. A co-worker even made fun of them behind my back. And forget online dating, some guys can be really rude about it.

My own sister told me she would never date someone with braces, and asked me if I really wanted to be ugly for two years. She's a peach.

Now a boyfriend I had when I first got them on didn't care one bit about them and was excited I got them. In fact he really encouraged me to get them, which was nice in a way.

I agree, they are temporary and personally I'd have no problems dating a guy with them because I'd take it as a sign he took care of himself and cared about his appearance. And I'd know when they came off he'd be even hotter. But, maybe the guys around here are into instant shallowness.

[kittymeow84]

My boyfriend teased me (jokingly) a little before I got them on and seemed a little scared about it all.

But now that I've had them on for over a month it doesn't really get brought up at all. He's totally cool with it.

[kudos213]

Okay, so i've had my braces on for almost exactly 2 years. I'm a male, 30 and trying to date. Now, i've never really been the player type, but i've been able to get a date whenever I wanted one. But being in braces has changed that. I do think people see you differently in braces. I don't understand why everyone on this board tries to be positive all the time.

For me the shock came a few months into the braces when I saw a girl that I thought was cute until I saw she had braces. Then I realized that I myself also have braces now. While the other poster learns his life lesson that others are not always thinking about me, the other life lesson is that not everyone sees you in the best light possible.

It's great that you are being healthy, taking care of your teeth blah blah, but the reality is you're doing that to look better. While doing it you will inevitably look worse. That's just the deal. maybe i'm jaded and cynical? I don't know, let me know if you think so.

And for the record, most of you who are commenting who were already IN a relationship when you got your braces...thanks but no thanks. Honestly if you were already with someone and they left you because of the braces they are scum. But I can't fault people who aren't attracted to someone who has braces...I'm one of them.

[Pixel Witch]

My husband doesn't care and is only concerned with whether or not I am happy with them, and to take care when I have an adjustment until the soreness goes away. But then, I wouldn't have married a shallow jerk!

I have gotten hit on plenty with my braces though, and most comments have been very positive in saying it's awesome that I'm doing this for myself as an adult even though my parents couldn't afford it at a "normal" age, and I think I live in a pretty darn shallow area (OC/LA areas) and am also overweight

I think it's equally, if not more, how you feel about your own braces/appearance affecting how you carry yourself with them, which people read and react to. I honestly think I get hit on much more nowadays being about 40lbs overweight and with braces than I did when I was in great shape because I feel much more comfortable with myself now.

[bracedintx]

So let's be honest--we all have our down days. I am tired of having braces and my husband is excited for me to get them off. But he also knows that there is a good reason that I did this.

So, yes, kudos, I am already in a relationship. But for some strange reason I have been hit on more often since I got the braces on than I ever did before. Sure, it's not a perfect correlation--I also moved to a new city--but others seem to experience the same thing. You also rebutted my comment by saying that not everyone sees you in the best possible light...absolutely true. But what does that have to do with braces?? Personalities clash for many reasons and while I will sound like a broken record, why would you want to spend your time with someone who does not see your good qualities?

Braces are a means to an end--they're inconvenient when I eat, they hurt my teeth after adjustments, I have to take an entire afternoon off when I need to go to the dentist just so my wires can be removed for cleaning, and I have 4 elastics that break frequently (and most often while I'm talking to clients at work). But the trade-off is that most days I have no TMJ pain and I can clean my teeth much more easily (or at least I will be when the braces come off).

I have not lost any friends because I got braces and I haven't had problems making new friends with them. I moved 2 years ago and everyone here has never seen me braces-free. I think people will look past your braces if you do too. But from your last line in your post, I wonder how you plan to attract a mate when you find yourself unattractive...what are you brining to the table? Surely there is more to you than the braces because you used to date without difficulty.

One last thing--everyone on this board tries to be positive because we all know what it feels like to have braces. A lot of us who have had them for a while (and those who are done) know that it gets better and we're trying to help support someone who is having a bad day or week or month.
So if you really feel that braces are interfering with your life you have 2 choices as I see it: 1) have them removed now and get back to living,
2) stop trying to date until they are off. Neither one too encouraging imho.

Hmmm, after reading all this I wonder if you were just venting kudos. Hope I didn't offend anyone, and now my rant is done.

[kudos213]

Great post, Pixel Witch!

There's a phrase used referring to horses: "handsome is as handsome does". Really it can be applied to people (of either gender) just as well. I had far worse than braces "going against me" when I met my mister. Made no never mind to him, but then he's that kind of chap

Kudos - I am not surprised at your negative experience though. For one thing, your comment, "I don't understand why everyone on this board tries to be positive all the time," suggests to me that you have a negative attitude toward being braced, which I am sure comes out in your body language and serves as a turn-off. And for another, your comment, "when I saw a girl that I thought was cute until I saw she had braces," suggests to me that the social circles in which you choose to participate are perhaps the sort where dismissal of perfectly wonderful people on perfectly shallow criteria might be the accepted norm. Talk about having to reap what you sow!

I'll respond to a few of these comments. Just because I am questioning why everyone is so positive does not mean I have a negative association with being braced. I made the decision myself to get braced, paid for it myself, and will continue with the treatment to the end. I don't regret it one bit. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean that I want to always be told that braces "are cool" or that "whoever doesn't like me because of my braces probably wasn't worth liking in the first place." (I'm paraphrasing, of course). And why is basing how you feel about someone on looks AS WELL as other things shallow? Perhaps health reasons contribute to people getting braced, but my insurance carrier recognizes braces as a cosmetic procedure, so if you're not so vain or shallow yourself then you shouldn't mind how your teeth look. Why are you wasting your money on wires and brackets, appearance apparently doesn't matter to you. Oh, what's that? It does? Then why is it so wrong when i'm unattracted to a girl in braces then? How is that different?

No, the reality is when I meet a girl that I like, that I have a fair shot with, but who ultimately ends up cancelling on me or turning me down my first thought goes to the braces. Why is it shallow to be attracted to someone attractive?? Meaning if a girl who had braces isn't attractive to me, I would think that's fine. You can say all you want, but people generally don't have the hots for others in braces (except for the japanese apparently?). Getting hit on is one thing, but closing the deal is another. And for the most part, I dismiss outright the positive "i still get hit on" comments by people in relationships. Let some of the single people tell me they hit the bars with their damon's on and picked up a few people and then i'll hear ya.

Ok, i'm jumping back and forth here, and yes, this is a bit of a vent/rant but I don't care. I'm not talking about friends. Losing friends because of braces? I've never even heard of that. But when we're looking for a mate it does make a difference. In the end I wouldn't have them removed nor do I regret having them put in. I've paid for them myself and am looking forward to having them come off in due time.

I'm still trying to date too. My life doesn't stop because of braces. But I will add this; I'm not sure how much you help someone with a false sense of hope by telling them "if they don't like your braces then you're better off" blah blah. No, being in a relationship and THEN getting braces...that should be cake.

However, if you are on the singles market and you get braces just get ready for some rocky times. Unless you have some remarkable attributes, are a half way decent looking girl (It is invariably easier for a braced girl to get a guy then the other way around) or some other quality braces are going to either have you set your bar lower, or hang out for a bit.

[Miss Smiley]

My other half has already had braces so he didn't think it would be weird at all. I've gone out to clubs and bars with my girlfriends and that has not stopped the men from coming up to me. Guys have carried on a full conversation at the bar with me even as I flash my big tracks. I have even flashed my big braced grin in the line of a club, hoping to get in as I wasn't on a list or even dressed very "out on the town" like, none of the bouncers ever denied me for having braces. All people aren't very shallow. People who would put you off for having braces, might put you off for having gotten a bad hair cut. (I didn't mean you as in you specifically.) Just my $0.02 USD.

[BoSox2008]

Jeez people!

Kudos - I will admit:

YES I would like to admit that the reason why I have braces IS because I want my teeth to be perfect, so that I can have a nice smile, and so that I can be more attractive. The health benefits are a plus.

YES I feel that I may be less attractive with braces than I will be once they come off, however I feel that I am more attractive in braces than I was with a crooked smile!!

YES I was with my current boyfriend when I had braces put on. He was very supportive, and still is, even though I'm sure he prefers me without a mouth full of metal. However I go out with friends a lot, and definitely DO get hit on just the same if not more than I did before getting braces. I'm sure there have been guys who looked at me and said "gross that girl has braces and they're hideous" but whatever, who cares! There will always be people who are not attracted to me. I don't expect to be hit on by every male everywhere I go.

My friend decided to get braces after I got mine on. He is a very attractive guy and was single at the time. He has now been with his girlfriend for almost a year. She is very attractive and successful, and she has only known him with braces. I guess she knows they're temporary and is willing to overlook them because of his other qualities that she likes.

My point is - a lot of people get braces in order to be more attractive, and that's fine. However just because you have braces doesn't mean that you need to put your life on hold. There are people who won't be attracted to you because of your braces, and there are people who wouldn't be attracted to you even if you didn't have braces. However there are just as many people who won't mind your braces, and they like other things about you more than they don't like your braces.

They're just braces, they're temporary, and you will look like a million bucks once they're off. If what matters to you is having random shallow girls come home with you from the bar, then you might have to wait around for that. But if you're looking for a normal healthy relationship, there is no reason why that couldn't happen. Most girls who are turned off by your braces probably wouldn't date you anyway.

[loulou123]

Many of us on here have there braces on for medical and function reasons not for cosmetic purposes. I for one would never go through all this for cosmetic reasons alone (not that im saying theres anything wrong with doing that, i just wouldnt) and i had little choice but have them, or face a lifetime of pain and extractions.

I cant believe for one minute that people are so put off by braces as you make out, as everyones different. In the great scheme of life having braces is hardly a disfigurement, people who have much more serious physical probs such as facial disfigurements, amputations etc who have fullfilling relationships and start familys etc.