"Well, you did it to yourself..."

[trisportgirl]

Does anyone else hear this whenever they complain about braces? Whenever I'm achy or my wires are digging into my cheek and I'm looking for a little sympathy from my boyfriend, he usually just says "Well, you did it to yourself...why are you complaining?" It bugs me because I am trying to do something to improve my health and my looks, and it really does SUCK sometimes! Just because it was a choice doesn't mean I can't complain...

As a disclaimer, I had my bottom wire changed on Friday and I've been achy ever since...which might explain the need to complain

[kennyandrew85]

As a man... I never understand when my girlfriend moans about pain that I have no control of.

What do girls expect to happen? "awww I'm sorry you're going through pain..." "Ooooh... OK"
Unless it's fixable, all you're after is sympathy when you did indeed choose this process!

I don't moan to anyone about my brace discomfort because I chose this procedure and my orthodontist is the only one who can control it so why bring everyone else down?

Sorry to be blunt!

[maeby]

Trisportgirl, that's what we're here for! My husband has never said it, but I know he eventually gets tired of me talking about teeth and braces and surgery. If I feel like I'm reaching the limit of his or anyone's patience, I come to this board. Sometimes it's to write, but mostly I just like to read the stories and remember that I'm not the only one who (in my case) is anxiously awaiting brace day.

In the end, we're here for you, but I'm sure your boyfriend is, too. Relationships are about experiencing the good and the bad as a team!

[Jesshasbraces24]

This really makes me appreciate my boyfriend. You did choose to get braces, however, you're very brave to do so and probably not that thrilled about the whole process either. I HAVE to do this, I don't want to. My mom was a single parent without health insurance, so now I'm 24 with braces that I'm paying for on my own. My boyfriend takes me out for frozen yogurt when my braces are killing me. This is painful enough physically and mentally, so he should support you. You wouldn't tell him to stop whining if he was sick, would you?

[klobird]

My husband is so disinterested in my "brace things" that he didn't even notice until about 5 days ago that I have braces on my bottom teeth too!!! He could care less about my braces--he thinks it's just some weird thing I wanted to do--(even though I started with a 10mm overjet!).

However, if he said "you did it to yourself" to me when I am in pain would be the same as saying I did it to myself if I broke my leg skiing (because I chose to ski), or got hurt in a car crash (because I chose to drive) etc. Except braces, in my case anyway, are for very legitimate dental health reasons.

With that said, I usually don't complain to him because I figure there is no way he can relate to the pain. I usually just come here to complain in my blog. It's reallly great for blowing off a whole lot of steam, energy, complaints about pain etc...

The other thing is, right now anyway, if he was comforting and holding me because I was in pain, he would probably be looking over my shoulder to watch the basketball game on TV!!!

Guys are just wired weird!!!

[kennyandrew85]

However, if he said "you did it to yourself" to me when I am in pain would be the same as saying I did it to myself if I broke my leg skiing (because I chose to ski), or got hurt in a car crash (because I chose to drive) etc. Except braces, in my case anyway, are for very legitimate dental health reasons.

You don't go skiing expecting to have pain though, some unfortunate people have accidents and get hurt.
You don't drive a car expecting to crash, it's an accident.

Anyone hurt accidentally deserves sympathy in my opinion but braces are different.
You should know pain/discomfort is a side effect of braces before you even begin. They are very different things!

Women hey!

[all48]

Oh Klobird you're the best. My husband is generally disinterested in my braces journey but is sympathetic when I'm especially uncomfortable (which thankfully isn't too often) but like last week I had my lower wire changed to thicker and added chain elastics. Ouch! I can sure relate especially about hubby looking over your shoulder to catch what's on TV. Very happy to have this site.

[trisportgirl]

Jess - I'm in the same position. I'm 24 and paying for my own too because my benefits only cover braces if you're under 18, and my parents decided not to get me braces when I was a teenager.

What do girls expect to happen? "awww I'm sorry you're going through pain..." "Ooooh... OK"

That's exactly what I want him to say! I listen to him complain about his job, and he chose that too...

[klobird]

Kenny--well, what if she was your wife and got braces just to make herself prettier for you? She should be your delicate little flower (unless you would rather be married to a guy who could "tough it out"--even then wouldn't you want to treat him with love and respect?)

Like I said girls--guys are just weird!! They are just built differently. They tolerate things differently.

Yay for all the women on this site who can relate!!

[ashesgap]

Wow, if my husband ever told me to "suck it up, cause you did it to yourself" he'd be ride'n the couch for a good long while. I don't expect to be babied, but if I'm in pain a nice back rub and an i love you goes a long way. I will say we might have a different relationship then some on here, with all his time away we really appreciate being able to just be in the same room. Klobird is right, it's nice to be able to come on here and whine to people who know the same feeling. Take an advil and eat a pint of Ben and Jerrys that always makes me feel better.

[BracedInNOLA]

However, if he said "you did it to yourself" to me when I am in pain would be the same as saying I did it to myself if I broke my leg skiing (because I chose to ski), or got hurt in a car crash (because I chose to drive) etc. Except braces, in my case anyway, are for very legitimate dental health reasons.

You don't go skiing expecting to have pain though, some unfortunate people have accidents and get hurt.
You don't drive a car expecting to crash, it's an accident.

Anyone hurt accidentally deserves sympathy in my opinion but braces are different.
You should know pain/discomfort is a side effect of braces before you even begin. They are very different things!

Women hey!

But at least skiing and driving are choices. Saying "suck it up, you chose to have braces" is like saying "tough luck about your glasses fogging up when you go inside/outside, you chose to have bad eyesight that needed to be corrected".

I SURE as heck didn't choose to have a bad bite!

[Sita]

It always amuses me when men say stuff like that. They're usually the biggest complainers when they're sick or in pain. At least the men in my family are. I'm single so I don't have to worry about that.

The thing is you may have done this to yourself but it's not like you did it on a whim or for fun. It's a huge commitment and a lot of pain and so a little comfort and support would go a long way. At least though you can come here to vent and complain.

[kennyandrew85]

Knew it was a bad idea to reply to this thread when outnumbered by women.

But at least skiing and driving are choices. Saying "suck it up, you chose to have braces" is like saying "tough luck about your glasses fogging up when you go inside/outside, you chose to have bad eyesight that needed to be corrected".

I SURE as heck didn't choose to have a bad bite!

You, Like me, chose to correct it! Knowing all the pain that would come with it so should try and accept it!

I'm sure most blokes, me included don't mind their wives/girlfriends moaning if it's something they can fix/ease.
Moaning for the sake of moaning is a woman thing!

[conine]

This is making me appreciate my wife.

She always knew that it bothered me that my ortho did a poor job when I was a kid, and she always encouraged me to go to one. When I finally did, she went with me to my consults (taking off work, in fact.) She encouraged me to use the ortho that her family used, even though he was 70 miles away and charged double the amount the in-town one was going to charge. She took off of work to care for me after the surgery. The flex account that we used to pay for the balance left over after insurance was tied to her paychecks - so, practically speaking, she paid for the braces. And yes, she was empathetic when I moaned about the wire sticking out of the brackets on my molars and digging in to my cheeks.

[smartygirl]

I SURE as heck didn't choose to have a bad bite!

here here. i try not to complain, but i get crazy sinus headaches when i get adjusted, bring me an advil or a t3 or something!

my braces are totally not cosmetic; the crowding was causing fillings to crack because of the pressure, resulting eventually in root canals, crowns, and other shades of misery... i'm hoping to get the pain over with all at once and then not have to deal with all of those other problems year after year.